


Forgotten Avengers: Book 2

by Agent Finlay (AgentFinlay), AgentFinlay



Series: Forgotten Avengers: The Recovered Files of Skoll & Hati [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 48,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22341415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentFinlay/pseuds/Agent%20Finlay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentFinlay/pseuds/AgentFinlay
Relationships: Steve Rogers/OC, bucky barnes/oc
Series: Forgotten Avengers: The Recovered Files of Skoll & Hati [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604899
Kudos: 1





	1. Fight On

**[Coulson - 14:27 Nov. 24, 2011 - NEW YORK HQ]**

_Radioactive - Imagine Dragons_

Coulson sat in a dark room, watching the monitors with a strange sense of Déjà vu. He’d been doing this for a few days. He wasn’t the only one but sometimes he wondered how closely the others really paid attention.

It was a small room, off white walls with an olive drab green that started at the baseboard and stopped halfway up. A three blade ceiling fan rotated slowly, the only moving thing in the room. Every now and then the fan would cast a shadow across the sleeping man on the bed and Coulson’s breath would catch as he waited. Nothing ever came of it though.

The radio in the room usually played a soft medley of 40’s big band music but today it was playing a recorded baseball game, Coulson didn’t like that and he said as much to the director. Too much room for error with actual dated broadcasts, but it wasn’t his call to make. He thought that maybe Fury was doing it on purpose, although Coulson wasn’t sure why. The suspicion was all but confirmed when Nick ignored his notes on the supervisory agent’s inaccurate attire.

A sound behind him caught his attention and he turned as a woman walked through the door.

“Agent Hill.” He said by way of greeting.

“Coulson.” She nodded, handing him a coffee, “Anything?”

He sipped the steaming brew and looked back to the monitors. The man hadn’t moved since they’d put him in the recovery room. He’d been medically cleared and the doctors all agreed that there was no reason he couldn’t wake up, just that he hadn’t. Coulson presumed he was just tired, being frozen for nearly seventy years would do that to a person…theoretically.

“Well” She sighed, taking his silence as the only answer she was liable to get. She laid a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

He stood as she left and opened the door for her, more to stretch his legs than out of chivalry if he was being honest with himself, which he usually was.

As he held the door open, his back thankful for the temporary reprieve from the cold metal folding chair, he didn’t notice that the man in the room had opened his eyes.

**[Fin - 14:54 Nov 24, 2011 - NEW YORK HQ]**

_“ALL AGENTS, CODE 13. I REPEAT, CODE 13!”_

The woman’s urgent voice rang over the lecture hall’s intercom, jerking me from my daydreaming. Now that I’d been interrupted I couldn’t remember what I’d been thinking about exactly. I knew it had nothing to do with the agent droning at the front of the hall and that somehow I’d found a new song to have stuck in my head, but that wasn’t important now.

I leaned to the girl beside me, her blonde hair creating a curtain between us as she scribbled notes on a legal pad. We’d been on a break for nearly a month, Coulson called it downtime but i called it cruel and unusual punishment. Elena had found onsite lectures, open to agents, with topics of interest to fill her downtime but I was bored. 

“Hey!” I whispered, tapping her shoulder. She shrugged me off. “ELENA!” I hissed, as loudly as I could while still technically keeping my volume at a whisper.

“WHAT FIN!?” she asked impatiently, her head not turning to me, “Some of us are trying to pay attention.” I ignored the comment.

“Isn’t a code 13 prisoner escape?” I asked, leaning closer to her.

“Yes, and if you’d been LISTENING…” I cut her off.

“Yeah but we don’t have any here.”

“Wait, what?” she turned to look at me for the first time. I was looking away now, trying to keep track of the chaos in the hallway through the small window set in the lecture hall’s door. I didn’t turn back to her to answer.

“There was a code 13 over the loudspeakers but we don’t keep prisoners in this facility.”

She thought for a moment before answering.

“But a code 13 could also mean unauthorized personnel in a restricted area or someone out of their designation.”

I kept looking out the door, thinking.

“Oh God. What? You’ve got that look.” She groaned.

“What look?” I asked absently, my mind only halfway there..

“That ‘wheels turning’ look. It usually leads to trouble.”

“I was just thinking.”

“…my point exactly” Elena sighed as a familiar face crossed the doorway. I bolted from my seat, the door slamming behind me before Elena had set her pencil down.

I rounded the corner, the halls were worse than they’d seemed in my limited view. Suits and security swarmed the front lobby and spilled out the front doors. I stood on my toes to look over the crowd but only saw a line of black sedans crowding the streets. I ran up behind the man I’d been looking for and grabbed his shoulder.

“Hey Po-Agent Coulson.” I smiled as he turned to see me, nearly forgetting to use his official title.

“Shouldn’t you be in a lecture right now Agent Smith?”

“I am-was, I mean. I saw you and heard--“

“The code 13. Yeah. Don’t worry, that’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Oh really?” A half smile twitched the corner of his lips as he tried to hide it but it still touched his eyes.

“Yes sir.” I smiled wide, I’d noticed for a while now that it ruffled his feathers when I called him sir so I did it every chance I could. “I know we don’t have prisoners at this location.”

“That’s true.” He answered, keeping his face professional and ignoring the ‘sir’ I’d thrown in.

“Which means that the code isn’t a threat.”

“Also true.”

“And if everyone is chasing something outside” I paused to read his face before continuing, “there is only one thing in the building that you personally would be here making sure it didn’t run outside like that like that.”

He didn’t answer but the smile wouldn’t hide anymore.

“It woke up didn’t it, whatever you brought back from Greenland that you aren't allowed to talk about.” It wasn’t a question.

“Go back to Phillips Hall, Agent Smith.” And with that he turned and started walking.

Elena caught up to me.

“I can’t believe you took off before the lecture was even finished.”

“You didn’t have to follow me.”

“I didn’t. I waited until we were dismissed and then I trailed you here.”

“Well I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss anything. That old bag has been giving the same lecture since I was twelve, I’m pretty sure I have it memorized.”

“Well some of us were sitting through it for the first time and trying to pay attention. Besides, if 

you’d heard it before why did you go?”

“Because you wanted to go, and when you go to things I go with you. If you think you missed something I can probably recite it in my sleep.”

“Shut up and tell me what I missed already.” She laughed.

“The lecture or the--“ she smacked my arm. “Ohhhh right. That. The ice cube they brought back from Greenland finally thawed and whatever was inside made a break for it. No OFFICIAL word, you know how Coulson is, but with all the containment units out front I’d put money on it. But I don’t get it, I mean, whatever it is has been in suspended animation for a while. Nifty. What’s the big deal?”

“Nifty?”

“Yes, nifty, stop judging my vocabulary that’s not the point. I’m just saying that’s a LOT of brass.” I nodded to the front hall where people in black armored suits lined the lobby. “I’ve been around 20 years and I’ve never seen a response like that.” We started walking away from the commotion.

“You know, when you say stuff like that you sound old.” she laughed.

I walked slower, adopting a limp on my left side.

“I AM old.” She smacked my arm again.

“I'm older.”

“TECHNICALLY…”I started.

“No ‘technically’. We did the math and I have lived more years than you. Ergo more life experience, ergo older.”

“You're right. No one younger than me would say ‘ergo’ as much as you.” I smirked. “It’s true though. I’ve never seen this many field agents in one place.” My mind started to wander and she nudged me with her elbow.

“Well come on grandma, let’s get you fed and in bed.”

I looked at my watch.

“El, it's 3 pm. I said I’m old, not dead.” I thought for a minute before I smiled, my expression somewhere between happiness and pleading.”It’s ONLY three, that is plenty of time to get dressed up and head to Frank’s. We haven’t been since before halloween, Frankie probably thinks we’re dead!” 

She rolled her eyes at me, Frank’s was the only place I really liked to go, the food, the live music; I loved going and watching the people in retro dress dancing into the late hours. Every other bar or club made me feel like I was on a job, but not Frank’s.

“If Frank’s even open? It’s Thanksgiving. Just because SHIELD doesn’t take the day off doesn’t mean the rest of the world skips the holiday.”

“Frankie never misses a throwback thursday, and last year she actually had thanksgiving dinner instead of the normal menu so we would technically go to for the music AND the holiday.” I nudged her with my elbow. “Come on E...Turkey, mashed potatoes, pie!”

“Are you actually going to grow a pair and get on stage or are you just going to complain when the singer screws up the lyrics.” she asked mockingly, I pretended to think about it.

“Probably just complain, and eat.” I answered honestly, I did love the songs but a life at S.H.I.E.L.D. had taught me that the shadows were more comfortable than the spotlight and I had trouble pushing past that, not that it kept anyone that knew me from teasing. 

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine” She relented, dragging out the word “But only if you are buying and if you help with my hair.”

“Deal!” I smiled, picking up my pace toward our apartment.

  
  


**[Coulson - 21:02 May 2, 2012 - P.E.G.A.S.U.S FACILITY]**

The world finally stopped shaking and the radio’s static flared.

“Coulson get back to base, this is a level 7.” The director sounded pissed. “As of right now…we are at war.”

“What do we do?”

The director answered and he listened. He would follow orders but first he needed to make a call. The tesseract had taken out an entire facility and only a handful had made it out in one piece but now they had bigger problems. Problems he couldn’t start to deal with until he made that call. She would have been alerted of the evacuation and followed the radio chatter from that point on. She would be worried.

He took out his phone. No signal. He should have known, the blast would have taken out the only secure tower. He retrieved the radio and found a channel that wasn’t being used to call for help. He keyed in his ID code and waited. After a moment the automated voice spoke.

“Hello Agent – COULSON --. This is a secured S.H.I.E.L.D. line. Please state the name of the Agent you are trying to reach followed by their 8 digit designation number.

“Agent Smith. 2-7-1-9-3-4-0-3” White noise filled the line.

“2-7-1-9-3-4-0-3. Please confirm Agent Name.”

“Smith.” He forgot how much he hated the automated system, they needed to get Stark to rebuild it. At least Jarvis was interesting to talk to.

“2-7-1-9-3-4-0-3. SMITH.” there was a pause and for a moment he thought he had been disconnected. “Please verify that the person you are trying to reach has a minimum of level -FIVE- security clearance.”

“confirmed” he enunciated.

“Confirmed. Please state Agent code name.”

“Hati.”

The line beeped and crackled before a female voice came across, this time not the recording.

“Hello?”

“Fin it’s me.”

“Oh thank God.” He could hear the genuine relief in her voice.” I heard about the EVAC and then we were watching and…”

“I know, that’s why I called. There should be a briefing notice soon but I wanted you to know I was out.”

“Thank you…for calling. What now?”

“That I don’t know. Not for sure. The director will start handing out orders so you may have to go on a milk run or two.” He paused a moment before smiling a tired smile and starting a conversation they’d had many times before, “You know if it was up to me you’d be locked down in a secured facility with no way out, right?”

She laughed, a light sound like it was fighting against the nerves still worrying her. She knew he had mixed feelings about her being an agent and they’d been doing this dance since the day she signed up.

“Yea Pop. I know. And I’d do the same to you if I thought you’d stay there.”

“You’re right. I’d escape.”

“And you taught me everything you know so your ‘princess in the tower’ plan is flawed.”

“More than you think, you’re way smarter than me.”

That got a real laugh from her, a loud burst of happy sound that seemed to catch her off guard.

“Fin, I’ve got to go. Once we’re done here I’m going on the carrier with Fury and Hill so I may be out of range. I’ll try to stay in contact but…”

“If you can’t I know you’re keeping tabs on me.” She finished for him. He told her this anytime they were apart for missions. That no matter where she was he’d keep tabs and watch her back, even from half a world away.

“Hey Pop?”

“Yea Fin.”

“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t let me do.” 

“Promise. Love ya kid.” He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, the fear there hadn’t left enough space for a smile to breach. 

“Lov--” The static took back the line before she could finish and Coulson headed toward his rendezvous point.

  
  


**[Steve - 23:48 May 2, 2012 - NEW YORK]**

_Fight on - Sam Tinnesz_

All this excess energy I can’t seem to shake. Too much sleep I guess. The ‘walk around’ Fury suggested wasn’t enough to satisfy my restlessness. Sure as hell did nothing for my head.

_‘Walk around, get reacquainted with the city, Cap. Maybe some fresh air will clear your head’_

Right. Clear my head. The only thing I’d managed to clear out of my mind in the last two weeks was any hope that there was somehow a place for me here.

I came out of my thoughts and paid the man that owned the boxing gym. S.H.I.E.L.D. had an arrangement with him that any agent could come after hours and I’d come the last two days. This was the first time I’d come alone. Of course it was the first time they’d let me out without an escort…that I knew about. I took one last glance behind me and headed into the back room of the gym. I heard the front doors click, locking me in with my thoughts as I hung the heavy punching bag.

Just me, my head and seventy years of…what? I hit the bag. **BAM!**

Energy? I hit again, catching it on the backswing. **BAM!**

Frustration? Again. Harder. **BAM!**

Anger? **BAM** ! Yea. That seemed right. **BAM!**

Angry that I’m HERE. **BAM! BAM!**

Angry that I missed out on what SHOULD have been my life. **BAM!**

That so many people I knew are GONE. **BAM! BAM! BAM!**

Images of the Howling commandos flashed in my mind, of Bucky. **BAM! BAM!**

Angry that I sacrificed myself to save a world that’s gone. **BAM!**

Angry at the life I could have, WE could have had. Peggy’s smile flashed in my head and I took it out on the bag.

**BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!**

They should have left me where they found me.

**BAM!**

The bag flew from the chain, sawdust and sand spilling from the split in its side as it bounced off the wall. I stood there looking at it, breath ragged. Not from exertion but from anger. I tried to calm myself, breathing deep as I reached for another bag. As I hung it and started in, trying to pull my punches, a voice came from the side door.

“Trouble sleeping?” I didn’t need to look to know it was Director Fury.

“Slept for 70 years Sir. Think I’ve had my fill.” I went back to hitting the bag. I don’t easily warm up to people whose first instinct is to trick me into thinking everything is okay.

“Then you should be out, celebrating. Seeing the world.” His voice stayed flat and I could hear him stepping closer as he spoke. I stopped punching, holding the bag steady to quiet the chains before I started unwrapping my hands and walking away from it. I could tell he wasn’t leaving until we talked about whatever it is he came to talk about and we might as well get it over with. I started.

“When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won…They didn’t say what we lost.”

“We’ve made some mistakes along the way, some very recently.” I looked up at that, curious.

“You here with a mission Sir?”

“I am.” I paused before asking.

“Trying to get me back in the world?” The director met my eyes.

“Trying to save it.”


	2. Claim Your Weapons

**[Coulson - 1999 - BROOKLYN]**

_ “ _ _ Who's strong and brave, here to save the American Way? Who vows to fight like a man for what's right night and day?” The little girl’s voice boomed in the small living room. “ Who will campaign door-to-door for America? Carry the flag shore to shore for America” _

_ “She’s quite good you know, you should put her in dance lessons.” Peggy suggested while the girl skipped around the room, flailing her glittered baton more like a weapon than an accessory. _

_ “I offered once. She hid from he for three days.” _

_ “Nevermind then.” She went back to sewing the red and white swaths of fabric together, sighing in exasperation. “Bollocks, I'm rubbish at this.” _

_ “She’ll love it anyway.” _

__

_ “Who's here to prove that we can? The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!” _

**[Steve - 06:21 May 3, 2012 - EN ROUTE]**

“We’re about forty minutes out from home base Sir.”

Being on this jet was the most normal I’d felt since I’d woken up, but the tech in my hand quickly reminded me where and WHEN I was. The agent escorting me got to his feet, Coulson, I reminded myself. His name is Coulson.

“So, this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum they used on me?” I asked, watching the digital file on the doctor.

“A lot of people were. You were the world’s first superhero. Banner thought Gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine’s Original formula.”

I stared at the green hulking beast on the screen, tearing through tanks like tin cans.

“Didn’t really go his way did it.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Not so much…When he’s not that thing though, guy’s like Stephen Hawking.”

The confusion must have shown on my face because he quickly added:

“He’s like a…smart person.”

Great, I thought to myself. Make a note, Stephen Hawking equals smart person. Didn’t people know Einstein anymore? I looked back at the tablet for a moment and Coulson started talking again.

“I’ve got to say. It’s an honor to meet you. Officially.” I smiled. Time on the circuit selling bonds had taught me how to handle ‘fans’. A Captain America fan I could handle in any decade. I was still smiling when he continued, “I sort of met you, I mean. I watched you while you were sleeping.”

OKAY. Never heard THAT one before.

“I…I mean. I was present…while you were unconscious…from the ice.”

I stood. Maybe if I could pace or look out a window this would be less awkward. I mean, I’d seen…Hell I was. Who am I kidding? I AM fairly awkward myself in social situations but this was painful. I tried to act like being told a grown man watched my sleep wasn’t the strangest thing to happen to me today and walked to the front of the plane.

“You know it’s really a, just a huge honor to have you on board.”

“Well I hope I’m the man for the job.”

“Oh you are, absolutely. Uh, we made some modifications to the uniform.” Coulson smiled a sheepish grin,” I had a little…design input.”

“Uniform? Aren’t the stars and stripes a little…” I searched for the words, “Old fashioned?”

“Everything that’s happening. The things that are about to come to light…people might just need a little old fashioned.”

  
  


**[Coulson - 07:02 May 3, 2012 - HELICARRIER]**

**** He kept checking his locker to make sure the cards were still there. He should have asked on the jet but he was trying to play it cool. He’d really stumbled over that ‘i watched you sleeping’ bit and recovering was harder than he’d expected. No one knew how long Loki might have them on this boat, and Coulson was sure he would have plenty of other opportunities to ask.

  
  


**[Steve - 07:50 May 3, 2012 - HELICARRIER]**

“Cap, you’re up.”

I thought I’d heard him wrong at first but the feeling passed.

Agent Coulson led me to my suit, the familiarity almost hurt. My suit, shield and no high tech Stark gear to fumble with in the field. Once I was ready Agent Romanoff, Black Widow, piloted me via quinjet to Loki’s location. When we arrived, sooner that I’d thought possible, he was lording over a crowd of kneeling civilians. All of them scared, cowering. All but one, an older gentleman, probably my age to be honest though no one would guess it.

“Look to your elder people.” Loki spoke, pointing his scepter at the man,” let him be an example.”

Now or never.

I jumped from the jet’s hatch landing in front of the old man just in time to block the blue stream of power that shot from the staff. It bounced off my shield and back into Loki, hitting him square in the chest. He fell.

“You know.” I said, walking toward him.” The last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else…we ended up disagreeing.”

“The Soldier,” Loki said with a smile, rising to his feet,”The man out of time.”

“I’m not the one out of time.”

Black widow leveled the jet’s guns at Loki, and ordered him to stand down over the loudspeakers. The size of that gun, I’d listen to her but the look on his face told me he wasn’t convinced. Loki shot a bolt of blue energy at the Jet and missed. I threw the Shield, catching it when it rebounded off his armor. I used the distraction to get close and aimed a right hook at his smug, smiling face.

It connected. Damn it felt good to be fighting again.

  
  


**[Fin - 07:25 May 3, 2012 - CLASSIFIED]**

Coulson had been right, the first thing that came over the wire was a quick recon mission. Pretty run of the mill. Ok so maybe not run of the mill exactly when that ‘fact collecting’ involved covert ops and shootouts but it was pretty typical as far as I was concerned. Heck compared to whatever was going on at home base this was downright boring. Not that we were in the loop with that either.

I was used to it, Fury tried to keep me and Coulson apart as far as work was concerned. The director felt Coulson’s priorities would be compromised with me on board and he probably wasn’t wrong. So we only knew as much as the next off base agent. S.H.I.E.L.D. had brought in the Widow from the field and she had brought Dr. Banner with her. The Asgardian Loki had the tesseract and now we have Loki, thanks to Ironman. I wondered if our old pal Thor had made a reappearance with his brother and imagined that it was safe to assume that was the case.

We also had Captain America, who apparently was the top secret Popsicle and explained a lot about why Coulson didn’t give me all the details there. I hoped the Captain was on the carrier with Coulson. He was a fan boy and I’d heard all the stories at bedtime growing up. Read the comics as a kid, learned the ‘man with a plan’ song one year for a school talent show (Pop’s idea for sure.) Even my Aunt Peggy told me bedtime stories about Captain America if I asked her to.

I shut my eyes and tried to sleep. I only had a few hours before Elena woke up and we had to head across the ridge. If only I could get my brain on the same page. Instead it raced through the facts I had and came up with more questions:

_ If we had Loki why were we still looking for the tesseract? Who had it? Why wasn’t anyone talking about Agent Barton? Did he not make it out of the base explosion? Was he MIA? How had Loki gotten the tesseract in the first place? What was Fury’s plan? _

The questions kept coming until the exhaustion in my body overwhelmed my mind and I finally slept.

  
  


**[Steve - 16:38 May 3, 2012 - HELICARRIER]**

Something about the conversation with Stark was sticking in my head. I usually didn’t think highly of the opinions of pompous blowhards but I hadn’t been fond of Tony’s father on first impression either. It didn’t matter. What did matter was that Banner agreed that something about this smelled rotten and I wasn’t waiting for Stark’s computer to figure it out. He may have a point that I’m no help in the science division but I wasn’t useless. I could do the legwork.

I found a door marked ‘secure storage 10-C’ and started pulling. It groaned. I looked around but really, who was going to stop Captain America from entering a restricted space? The metal door gave way with a creak and I winced, looking around for…

No one apparently. Not a single member of security was in sight. 

The room was huge and packed with crates at least three levels high. One of the boxes near the top caught my eye and I scaled the railing to get up to it. As I reached the landing my shoes clicked on the metal grating. I looked around.

Still nothing.

If I didn’t find anything to support Tony’s distrust of Fury in here I was going to have a talk with the director about security…I looked back at the crate. Metal. Locked. I took the padlock in my fist and squeezed until I heard the click of steel snapping.

_ ‘Well, would you look at that’ _ I thought to myself, _ ’ better check this unlocked crate to make sure it’s nothing…’  _ As I lifted the l saw familiar gear looking back at me.  _ ‘…dangerous.’ _

  
  


**[Coulson - 18:02 May 3, 2012 - HELICARRIER]**

_ Claim your weapons - Christian Reindi _

The carrier was under attack. His orders were to reach the secured detention and Loki, after a quick side trip to the armory. He ran as fast as he could with the chaos in the halls. Somewhere in the belly of the ship a monstrous roar bellowed.

Banner? He couldn’t worry about that now. He reached the armory. Thumb print and retina scan, inconvenient in a rush but protocol was protocol. He knew exactly which weapon he wanted, he’d been itching to see what it could do since it had reached prototype and the fact that he may get to use it on Loki himself had a certain poetry that he enjoyed.

As he took it from the shelf he absently thought that he hadn’t talked to Fin since they’d reached the carrier and made a mental note to check in once this was over. He didn’t need her to be worrying about him instead of herself while she was in the field.

By the time he reached detention the door was already open. Not good.

He rounded the corner, quietly coming up behind an agent. Not one of his. He knocked the man out from behind and saw Thor in the cage as the imposter’s body hit the ground, getting Loki’s attention. He pointed the weapon at Loki.

“Move away please.”

Loki stepped back from the control panel.

“You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent the destroyer.” Loki’s eyebrows shot up, “even I don’t know what it does.”

He pushed the button and the gun screamed to life, lighting from the inside with the fires of Hell.

“Want to find out?”

Suddenly a cold pain slid into his back and he saw the tip of Loki’s spear protruding from his chest before he even had time to register that Loki was no longer in front of him. He heard Thor yell as he slid to the floor. He couldn’t breathe and some detached part of him pointed out that it was most likely because his lungs were filling with blood.

The other part of him thought that he might not get to check in with Fin after all.

Loki walked to the control panel and opened the drop doors. Air swirled around the small room for a moment before Thor dropped out of existence. The doors closed and Loki started to walk away, but Coulson spoke.

“You’re going to lose.”

“AM I?” The god questioned.

“It’s your nature.” Coulson said calmly, trying to keep the death rattle in his chest out of his voice.

“Your heroes are scattered. Your floating fortress falls from the sky. Where is my disadvantage?” he mocked. Coulson smiled, at least…he thought he smiled. He wanted to smile. To let this arrogant asshole god see his elation that he’d fallen for the oldest trick in the book. The classic ‘get the villain to monologue’ rouse.

“You lack conviction.” He said flatly. Loki started to argue but Coulson didn’t hear him, he pulled the trigger.

  
  


**[Steve - 18:54 May 3, 2012 - HELICARRIER]**

Everything had happened so fast and now I sat at the glass conference table like a kid being scolded. Like I didn’t feel bad enough. Fury stood in front of us, Tony and me, the only two left. Sitting at the table while Agent Hill watched from the other end of the room. There was no one else in the control room, they were making repairs to equipment and personnel alike.

“These were in Agent Coulson’s Jacket…guess he never did get you to sign them.” Fury tossed the stained cards in front of me. They slid across the glass, only stopping when the bloodied corners gained purchase. I picked one up.

“We’re dead in the air up here. Our communications, location of the cube.”

I only half heard the rest as I saw myself on the card, smiling back at me through the red smear.

All that was left of a good man’s life.

“Maybe I had that coming.” Fury sighed as i laid the card back on the table.

“Yes. We were going to build an army with the tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number though because I was playing something even riskier… There was an idea, Stark knows this, called ‘the avengers initiative’. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to…and fight the battles we never could.” He paused.

“Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea…in heroes.”

Stark jumped to his feet, not looking back at Fury before storming out of the room. The director stopped behind me.

“Well…it’s an old fashioned notion.”

I knew that last bit was for my benefit, in case the point hadn’t sunk home that we’d messed up. We’d screwed up the plan royally, the plan that most of us didn’t know about. Fury’s hands weren’t clean of this, not any more than anyone else’s but blame wasn’t important. Doing what we could to make it right was. I got up from the table and as I left the room I heard Fury speaking to Agent Hill. I could have tried harder to listen but distrust is how we got into this mess in the first place. I did make out one word though.

“Retrieval.”

  
  


**[Fin - 21:33 May 3, 2012 - CLASSIFIED]**

_ Sound of Silence - Cello _

“Ready?” My voice whispered over the com link.

“Yes. Just remember this is a fact gathering mission. Pillage THEN burn.” I could practically hear her laughing even though the static had cut her off. I sighed as I climbed out of my cover.

“That was ONE time.” I adjusted my earbud settings to allow my carefully constructed playlist of badassery to start. After our first mission on a russian archipelago left me alone with my own thoughts for several days I had trouble with absolute silence on outings. Elena understood and knew if she needed me her voice would cut through the music. She never quite understood how the added element kept me on task but she couldn't argue that it worked and accepted my strange coping mechanism. 

To my right man in black military fatigues rose from the bushes, I threw a small knife and it sank into his throat before he’d even thought about reaching for his rifle. I saw a second rise near Elena, I started to warn her over coms but she dispatched him as easily as I had mine and kept walking. By the time the decemberists had finished ‘why we fight’ and First Aid Kit started into ‘my silver lining’ we were on our way to the small concrete building set into the landscape

Practically invisible from above it blended seamlessly into the desert but from the side it was a little more obvious. The North end was built into the hillside but the south, west and east walls were corner to corner; ceiling to floor glass. We would see from our vantage point that there were people inside but not as many as we’d expected. Only three on the east side where we needed to get in. The hardest part of getting in would be not being seen through the windows and finding out which payne was actually the door.

“Cover.” Elena’s voice broke through, she didn’t need to elaborate, I knew she’d seen a way in. I watched her come down the hillside, sliding every now and then when the dirt beneath her boots gave way but she kept her footing. I knelt, taking the long range rifle off my back in case she actually needed cover. I watched the horizon as she reached the building, a shadow lifted from the brush and I fired. The suppressed rifle let out a quiet ‘pfft’ along with a click that sounded more like a .22 than a .308. If the round made a sound when it hit the man, the desert swallowed it before I heard.

“I’m in.” Elena’s voice was a whisper, I lowered the scope to the building to follow her progress. She had entered at the south side and taken out the men in the building as she made her way up the east wall where I could see her. She was standing in a corner where the glass met the real wall and was doing something I couldn’t see. I assumed she’d found an access panel and was trying to finish this without going deeper into the bunker. I did one last sweep of the hill before shouldering my rifle and heading down to the bunker myself.

As I entered the building cold air blasted my face and my eyes watered. I blinked the moisture away and got my bearings as the ink spots crooned. Elena was on my right, still at the panel. The guards she’d taken down were pushed against the wall so if someone came in they wouldn’t immediately be tipped off that something was wrong. The room was a large rectangle of glass and I felt exposed, only the north wall provided any shelter and it was full of large metal doors that led into the facility. In the center of the room there was a stairwell that led down to lower levels with another door at the bottom. I silently hoped that if there was an army of backup in this place that they were all at the bottom of those stairs. If they did come for us our chances of survival increased greatly if the enemy chose to bottle neck his troops into a small kill zone.

“Almost done.” Elena whispered, her voice bouncing off the windows of the empty room.

A door clicked, although I wasn’t sure which one. I watched the back wall, stepping back toward my entrance and sparing a glance at Elena who had flattened herself against the corner. None of the doors on the back wall moved.

I waited.

Footsteps echoed up the stairwell and I smiled. Elena rolled her eyes and went back to work.

The man walking up the stairs was big, not huge but big enough that I knew he would be slow. I liked them slow. He was putting in an earbud and looking for a song on an iPod as he stomped up the steps.

“Whatcha listening to?” I asked in my sweetest voice as his boots crested the top step. He dropped the earbud and reached for his sidearm. I kicked out quickly sending the gun sliding across the floor and rolling back away from him before he could catch my leg. He started to reach for the radio and I stood holding a throwing knife in my hand.

“Nu-uh. You wouldn’t want to lose that too would you?” I smiled. He lowered his hand looking dumbfounded. “So, are you going to answer my question?”

He kept staring as though I’d asked him the secrets to the universe.

“Look guy,” I was losing patience.” I just want to know what you were listening too.” I gestured to the iPod. “You see, there is a shortage of people with good musical taste in this world and it would be a shame to kill one of them unnecessarily.”

He looked down at the iPod in his hand and his face went white. Apparently he didn’t think I’d agree with his music choices.

“Awww come on. Surely it’s not THAT bad.”

“Si-Simon and Garfunkel.” He stuttered. Elena laughed and he jumped, not knowing how he should interpret that. I smiled taking the rifle from my back and laying it on the ground before dropping my knife back into its sheath and adopting a fighting stance. The man stood there, frozen in confusion. Elena shouted from across the room.

“Good news, she won’t kill you. But she isn’t just letting you walk away to bring all hell down on our asses.”

He swung at my head, I dropped to the ground kicking out my right leg and sweeping it under him. He stumbled but didn’t fall. He lunged left, hoping to fake me out before he punched with his right, I turned and grabbed his bicep before flipping him over my shoulder. His body crashed to the ground and I heard the puff of breath forced out of his chest as his back made contact. I kicked and he grabbed my ankle pulling me down with him, he rolled putting his weight on top of my legs and grabbing for my arms. I punched and felt his nose crunch under my hand. His eyes watered and I used the distraction to grab the earbud cord and wrap it around his neck. I tightened the makeshift garrote with my left hand and boxed his head with my right, hitting his ear with a cupped hand every few blows to keep him disoriented. After a moment he lost consciousness.

“Hello darkness my old friend…” I sang quietly under my breath while easily 250 pounds of passed out man crushed my lungs.

“Need a hand?” Elena offered as she packed up her equipment.

“Nope.” I huffed, shoving the man off me. I grabbed his iPod and scrolled through the artists.

“Hati…” Elena’s voice warned, using my code name. Her face told me that we had what we came for and needed to go.

“I was just checking…” I said, getting to my feet, picking up my dropped rifle and walking towards the door with her.

“Checking what exactly?”

“If leaving him alive was a threat.”

“How were you planning to decipher that from his iPod?”

“Well he had Nickelback so it was touch and go for a minute…But he also had Burl Ives so that balanced that out.”

“What would have made you decide to kill him?” She asked, holding the door open for me.

“Bieber. Never trust a human over 14 that voluntarily listens to Bieber…”

“Right.” She shook her head in a gesture I’d learn to interpret as ‘you are ridiculous’ and kept walking.

“Do you hear that?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. I cut off my music and did the same. I heard nothing but the wind for a moment before the clear ‘whomp-whomp-whomp’ of a helicopter cut through the silence.

“Reinforcements?” I asked.

“No…” she listened,” sounds like one of ours.” I looked around trying to catch a glimpse of the craft, it crested the hill kicking up dust as it did but the S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia was on the tail.

“You know it’s creepy when you do that.”

Elena just smiled. Static crackled on our coms as the S.H.I.E.L.D. frequency cut in and a rope dropped from the chopper.

“Did someone order an extraction?” A woman's voice spoke. “Sköll and Hatí, you two coming or not?” Elena and I traded looks and started climbing. Only shield would have those names, let alone know the faces that went with them. When we boarded I was surprised to see Agent Hill piloting. She wasn’t and errand girl and she didn’t do pickups for anyone less important than director Fury.

Shit.

“Hill?” I asked, she didn’t turn to face me. Double shit.

“HILL!” I yelled this time, hoping she just hadn’t heard me the first time. When she didn’t respond again my heart sank.

“What happened Maria?” My breath started to catch in my throat and I grabbed her shoulder to make her look at me, the chopper dipped at the movement. She didn’t fight to free herself but she didn’t look at my face either. That worried me more than anything. Elena grabbed my arms and pulled me away from Hill so she could keep us in the air.

“Elena, something is wrong.” I breathed and pointed to Hill, not bothering to call her Sköll now that we were on the helo. “She wouldn’t be here if everything was ok and you know it!”

“I know Fin.” Elena said in a soft patient voice, trying to get me into one of the seats. I broke free of her and began to pace in the small space. I couldn’t go more than a few steps before I had to turn to avoid walking out the side of the helicopter but I couldn’t keep still. I knew something was wrong, really wrong and my body went into fight or flight mode on instinct at my panic. I couldn’t fight anyone on the helo so I needed to keep moving. Every time I reached the edge of the floor I peered out over the lip.

“Don’t you even think about it.” I heard Elena, her voice cracking as she tried to be heard clearly over the rotors. I didn’t look back at her, instead I paced faster, my heart racing, pumping adrenaline into my veins as my ears started to ring.

”Put on some music and come sit down.” She pleaded, patting the seat beside her. I halfway followed her direction, turning the music back on and drowning out the voice of reason coming from my partner. I kept moving. We were flying towards water, I could survive a fall from this height into water.

I caught a glance between Maria and Elena and knew they were deciding if I needed to be sedated. I wouldn’t give them the chance. Hill said something but I couldn't hear her.

I turned again, continuing my pacing but this time when I reached the end of the solid ground beneath me I didn’t pivot. I jumped.

I felt the downdraft when the helicopter shifted, Maria steering away from me. I assumed to keep Elena from jumping after me. The water below shimmered and I tried to judge distance as it rushed up to meet me. It shimmered again and this time is seemed like part of the reflection was over land, no that couldn’t be right. I was seeing things. I focused my eyes on the air between my falling body and the earth, this time I was looking in the right place at the right when the shimmer shifted. SHIT.

I was going to need to brace for impact sooner than planned. I pulled my limbs to my chest, preparing to hit with the bulk of my body before rolling to disperse the impact. I closed my eyes and could feel it now, the hum of the turbines vibrating my frame as I got closer. My body hit asphalt covered metal and I rolled. Nothing snapped but I would feel that later. As I got to my feet a sense of vertigo overwhelmed me and I struggled not to vomit. I knew, my brain and my feet knew that I was standing on the tarmac of the helicarrier; but my eyes were not up to speed and the result was nauseating. I heard the helicopter land to my left as the cloaking on the carrier fell away.


	3. Right, Left, Wrong

**[Coulson - 1998]**

_ Peggy handed a familiar file to Coulson who took it with a confused look on his face. He knew what it was, but he didn’t understand why she was giving it to him.  _

_ “That’s the only copy.” She said by way of explanation. When he didn’t react she elaborated. “I pulled some strings, every record of her past has been removed from the system.  _

_ “Everything but this.” He gestured at the file, understanding. Peggy’s last act as Director had been to ensure Fin was able to live her life without the shadow of her past looming over her. “Thank you Peggy, for all of it.” _

_ “Don’t thank me yet, survive her teenage years first, at the very least.” She teased. “How have things been going, by the way?” _

_ “Did you use the file as an excuse to come check up on me?” He acted abashed.  _

_ “Don’t be silly, i don’t need an excuse to do that.” _

_ “Things are...Progressing. She’s still hesitant to be too close to anyone, especially strangers. She has gotten very good at using predominantly english. She will slip up if she is frustrated but she is doing much better.” _

_ “Has she started trusting you more?” She broached the subject cautiously, it had taken nearly a year for Fin to be alright alone in the room with Coulson and she would be lying to say she was without her concerns. He shrugged.  _

_ “She’s been good, she is still...distant sometimes...but I think we’re getting there.” He smiled. “She finally stopped calling me Phil and started calling me--” _

_ “Papa!” The scream came from an adjacent room and Coulson didn’t hesitate. He went to the little girl’s beside, sitting on the end of it as she wiped tears from her face. Peggy waited in the hall. “Papa, Ich hatte einen schlechten traum...I...I had a bad dream. I’m sorry.” _

_ “Don’t be sorry, it’s alright.” _

_ “It’s not alright, it was bad and you were gone.” She mumbled.  _

_ “Where was I?” He asked, trying to distract her from whatever had scared her so badly. _

_ “I don’t know...but i couldn’t find you and i was scared.” She rubbed a sleepy fist in her eye.  _

_ “Well, I'm here now. You don’t have to be afraid.” He promised.  _

_ “Are you sure?” She asked, leaning forward to look into his face.  _

_ “I’m very sure. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Not anymore. I’ll keep you safe.” The girl jumped forward, wrapping her arms around Coulson’s neck and squeezing, for a minute he just sat frozen in place, afraid that if he moved he might spook her, but eventually he returned the embrace.  _

  
  


**[Fin - 15:12 May 4, 2012 - HELICARRIER]**

_ Right Left Wrong - Three days Grace _

I woke up sweating. Nightmares. It had been awhile since I’d had one but it was usually the same every time. A woman in a knee length dress is singing to me in German, a man dressed in a black SS uniform slams open the door. The woman screams and the man shoots her. Usually the gunshot wakes me…This time when the woman was shot I didn’t wake up. I knelt beside her and watched her die. When the last breath left her I looked into her face and the woman was gone. Coulson was the one I was kneeling over. That’s what jolted me into the real world. His face.

I thought back to the morning; it had been normal…routine even, until Maria had picked me up. Once on the carrier Maria had managed to stick me with a tranquilizer. Just enough to calm me down. She took me to Fury and as we walked I remember hearing Elena ask about a jet and Ironman, something about them leaving but everything had started to be fuzzy and I couldn’t think about it. They took me to Fury and he explained everything…everything. More than I expected. More than I have clearance for.

He led Elena and I to a room where we could rest and watch what was happening in New York. I tried to care. I couldn’t.

Elena watched and I slept. When I woke myself screaming she didn’t ask, she just handed me a glass of water and kept watching the screen. Monsters were coming through a portal torn in the sky. The man I knew as my father was dead.

I wasn’t awake. There was no way this was awake.

“I can’t.” I managed to say as I got to my feet and walked out of the room. She didn’t follow me. We’d been partners for almost 5 years, she knew where I was going. I walked into the small onboard gym. It was empty. The walls above the ventilation grates were black with soot from where the explosion had ripped through the carrier.

I didn’t bother putting on gloves or wrapping my hands, I didn’t care. I walked over to the corner where the kickboxing bags were and pulled out the ‘dummy’. It wasn’t really a dummy, it was a tall wooden stand wrapped in padding with arms at different heights and angles protruding from it. I started in on it. My fists pummeling the center mass of the stand in rapid succession. My bare knuckles scraped against the fabric wrapping the core, I didn’t care. I hit faster, swinging my arms out to hit the upper arms of the dummy every now and then to get a wider range of motion. My eyes watered. No. No crying. I could cry later when I had time to be sad. Now was not the time for sadness, now was the time for anger. If I started crying now I wouldn’t stop and I refused to face Loki with tears on my cheeks.

I slammed my arm into one of the lower wings of the dummy and it broke off with a crack. I went back to hitting the center pole. I had to control myself. No crying. I hit the dummy harder. I had to get some of the anger out or I’d kill Loki on site. I wanted to kill him. It’s what he deserved. But it’s not what Pop would have wanted. Thor was here. Thor would punish Loki, but not before I saw him. I needed to see him. I needed him to know that he killed someone I cared for and that it did not go unnoticed. I needed him to know my face so that if the moment came and I had the chance to kill him, he would know why.

I kicked the center pole and it snapped, the top went flying into the wall and embedded itself there. The door to the room opened and I froze, panting. I looked at the equipment stuck in the wall. I could tell them it was there because of the explosion…they didn’t need to know I’d done it.

“Fin.” It was Elena. Good. I didn’t need to explain myself to her. I turned and she saw my hands, my knuckles bleeding enough to drip onto the floor, I was pretty sure my left pinky was broken.

“Fin!” She took my hands in hers, “here let me.”

“No.” I pulled away. She shot me a look that told me I was being stupid but she knew better than to argue.

“They got him. They got Loki.”

“Dead?”

“No. Alive. They are bringing him in.”

I nodded. Fury would send me off site if they were bringing Loki here. He wasn’t stupid, he would find an excuse to get os off the carrier.

“We have a ride out in a few minutes, Fury wants us in the city to get a feel for how people are reacting to all this…come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” She walked me to the shower that was adjacent to the small gym. I turned the water on cold, undressed and stepped into the stream, knocking what was left of the tranquilizer out of my system and rinsing the blood from my hands. When I was done Elena handed me some civilian clothes.

Maria dropped us on her way to pick up Loki and the ‘Avengers’. That’s what we were calling them I guess. Perfect. Glad my…Coulson could die so you could get your shit together and have a cool team name. That was petty of me and I knew it but I didn’t have the energy to be polite inside my own head.

For the last hour I had been following Elena mindlessly. Not that I was being mindless, but I wasn’t paying any attention to where we were going. I was distracted. Not long after we’d set down I had put on headphones and taken out what looked like a small gaming device. To anyone looking at it would seem like just that. I usually had it to take field notes or access files. I hope Elena thought I was taking notes as I entered the S.H.I.E.L.D. system using Coulson’s ID code. I would have never dared to do that with him alive but now…he had higher clearance than me and what I needed was above my pay grade.

I was in, they hadn’t had time to deactivate his access yet. I patched into the helicarriers security and searched for Loki. It took a moment, the first few rooms I checked were empty, one had Romanoff and Barton talking about Budapest which was interesting but I kept going. When I found him the sound was out on that room’s security feed but I could see he was shackled and alone with Fury and Thor. Thor would keep him in check and Fury would ask him questions. That was good, that meant I had some time. I searched through some more rooms and found Agent Hill talking to Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark. They were looking at a map of New York and talking. At first I couldn’t make them out and assumed they were talking about damage control but as I was about to switch camera I heard her say ‘Loki’.

I adjusted the sound as best I could and listened. Yes. They were talking about how Thor was going to take Loki out of New York. 

I flipped back to the Room where Loki was being held, he stood in the center of the room. A band of Metal across his mouth to match his chains. They were leading him out of the room.

I looked up from my tech to get my bearings, we were on the North side of central park and I was on foot…I didn’t warn Elena, I didn’t want her to try to reason with me. I ran.

Any other time I’m sure I would have raised at least some suspicion. An average height, strongly built white girl with long chestnut hair running full tilt through Central Park in a tee shirt and jeans tucked into knee high boots. Today, not even a second glance my way.

I knew Elena would follow me but I didn’t try to lose her. It would have been a waste of time and I honestly didn’t think she’d interfere. I was close now, I could see them on the pedestrian bridge getting out of vehicles and coming together around Thor and Loki. Those two were hard to miss.

When I reached the bridge I stopped running. Rage ran hot in my blood but my control was a steel cord in my spine. I would not run. Loki would not get the satisfaction of seeing urgency in me.

When I saw him I didn’t see anyone else, the fury clouding my vision. My mind still registered the numbers as I walked up to Loki. Seven, I’d voluntarily walked into a group of seven experienced fighters that now surrounded me. It was good to know the odds but only one person mattered. Thor lifted the tesseract to Loki.

“Wait!” I said loudly. Not loud enough to be a shout but forceful enough that Thor, God of thunder himself, froze for a moment. Natasha saw me and laid a hand on Thor’s wrist, letting him know that I was ok and he should do as I ask. He lowered the tesseract as I closed the last of the distance between us. I met Loki’s eyes and without looking away from him I spoke to Thor.

“Take it off.” Gesturing to the metal mouthpiece. He hesitated for a moment but Natasha nodded and he complied.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked Loki, controlling the rage in my voice almost too well. I nearly sounded polite. He smiled a vicious smile that dimpled his cheeks as he looked me up and down.

“A beautiful woman who seems to be furious with me.”

I smiled back, but my heart wasn’t in it. I kicked out and my booted heel made contact with the side of his knee. It popped and he went down on the pavement at my feet.

“You are not mine to punish Loki, but if you ever cross my path again, I will kill you.”

“Now, now. What did I ever do to you?” he asked, sounding as innocent as he could manage through gritted teeth, trying to breathe through the pain of his dislocated knee.

“You killed Phil Coulson. You killed the man I called Father.” At that, Thor put a hand on my shoulder and spoke.

“He will be punished for his crimes Daughter of Phil, of that you have my word. Should Loki ever return to Midgard you shall be the first to come for him.”

“No.” I almost whispered the word, ”I will be the last.”

Thor nodded and I started to turn away as he pulled Loki to his feet.

“Is that truly necessary” Loki asked as Thor lifted the muzzle to his face.

“Loki your wicked tongue has caused enough trouble this day.”

“Oh come now Brother, give me a few moments to show the girl what I can do with my wicked tongue, maybe it will change her opinion of me.” Loki smiled. I turned on my heel, my fist flying and connecting with his jaw. He teetered off balance and into Thor.

“GO NOW.” I demanded with every ounce of strength I had left in me,” Before I decide he doesn’t get that chance.” My self-control was shot. The last hours holding back everything roiling inside of me took everything I had. Every ounce to hold back the tears, to stop myself from killing Loki. My body shook, I couldn’t contain it anymore.

I walked past the Asgardians to the decorative railing behind them, my brain registering a flash of blue that signaled their departure as I leaned onto the rail for support. It kept me upright but my body refused to support the weight on my shoulders any longer and the tears streamed down my cheeks.

  
  


**[Steve - 17:24 May 4, 2012 - CENTRAL PARK]**

Everyone started walking their separate ways like there wasn’t a woman crying right in front of us, I couldn’t leave her here like this. I started walking toward her when Black Widow caught my arm.

“Not this time Cap.”

“You can’t be serious. We can’t just leave her here like this. Look at her.” When I said it, I did and I watched as the woman’s frame shook with grief.

“Look there.” She gestured across the street to a petite blonde woman. When she saw us looking her way she started towards us.

“Cap, this is Agent Elena Allen.” The blonde woman nodded in acknowledgement, not taking her eyes off the crying girl.

“She will take care of her.” Romanoff reassured me before saying my name to get my full attention on her,” Captain Rogers, not every girl needs a big strong man to save her. Sometimes they just need a friend who understands.”

I nodded, she was right. What comfort would I really be to this woman I didn’t know, a woman whose father had been killed because of us not being able to put aside our differences and work together. Natasha left with Barton and the blonde, Elena, tapped my arm. She didn’t speak until I looked at her.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got her.”

I looked back at the woman once more, her shoulders shaking as she held herself upright against the railing.

“Yea…ok.” That was all I could think to say before I got on my bike and drove away.

  
  


**[Fin - 10:05 May 7, 2012 - CYPRESS HILLS]**

_ Black Parade - Sofia Karlberg _

I’d barely registered that the ceremony was over when the first shovel of dirt clattered onto the casket. It must have startled me more than I thought because when i looked up at the sound Elena took my arm in hers. She’d been steering me from point A to B all morning, I wasn't even sure if i’d brushed my own hair or if she’d done it, my mind only had one thought running through it. He was gone, he was dead and he was in that box and now we were covering it up with dirt so we could move on. I didn’t want to move on, i wanted to be mad about it. It wasn't fair. He was so good and the world needed that, it needed him...I needed him. 

People had begun to leave the gravesite and for the first time I noticed Director Fury in the distance. He wasn’t with the rest of the crowd but stood in the shade of a large tree in the distance. When he saw me looking he nodded and I returned the gesture. I noticed that one of the two people standing with him was Natasha and I was glad she was here, Coulson had always liked her. I couldn’t recognize the second figure, a tall blonde man with his back to me, but seeing the black widow i automatically scanned the crowd for Agent Barton. When I found him he gave a sad smile, signing in ASL,  _ If you need anything  _ before making the international signal for ‘call me’. I felt the tears sting my eyes, I didn't realize how big of a family i actually had with SHIELD, how many people had been touched by Coulson and in turn wanted me to know they were here for me.

I watched them all go, leaving in small groups to go back to their lives while I stood there waiting for the casket to disappear under the soil. 

  
  


**[Elena - 10:35 May 11, 2012 - NEW YORK HQ]**

I knew before we even entered the office that this wasn’t going to go well, it didn’t take a psych degree to know that Fin was hurting and needed to grieve in her own way. Unfortunately her preferred method would be drowning herself in work to forget but S.H.I.E.L.D. had a standard operating procedure and lord knows they couldn’t stray from that without a presidential pardon. 

“You need some time off Agent Smith.” The Dr insisted. He seemed to know Fin well enough, she took his seat when we arrived and I sat by him on the couch. She wasn't happy, she was sitting on the edge of his chair, keeping her feet flat on the ground. The better to take off running from a sitting position. I tried to keep a relaxed posture but i was ready to keep her from pouncing on the shrink if need be. He was just the messenger after all. 

“I don't need time off, I need to get out on the field. I need to take my mind off of...of ...everything!”

“Fin, we have been over this avoidance is not acceptance. Say it with me, Ah-”

She rolled her eyes at him and he gave up the mantra. I knew she had trouble processing emotion, I didn't blame her, but she was fighting this mandatory grieving too hard. I spoke up.

“Come on Fin, I will have the time off too. We can find something to do”

She crossed her arms. “I don't want to find something to do, I want to do something. I want to be helpful, I want to work.”

“Fin, you know I can't sign off on that, not so soon after your loss.”

“My loss?” She snorted, “My loss! I didn't lose him, he isn't in the fucking lost and found. He is dead. He is dead because an asshole killed him.” The doctor started to speak but she kept going. “I know it's your job to ask how that makes me feel. Well doc for once I will tell you. It makes me mad, it Fucking pisses me off. Write that in your Fucking notes. I am angry and I want to do something to stop more asshole from killing more people's fathers but instead I am in here talking to you!”

I exhaled when she finished. Well, she did tell him how she felt. That was something.

“Is that all there is Fin? Just anger? No regret, sadness, fear...only rage?”

She stood. Took her shield badge off and tossed it on the table. It landed with a soft clank.

“Fuck you doc.” She said quietly as she walked out of the office. 

We sat quietly as the door clicked and her footsteps faded down the hall. The doctor started to stand to follow but I laid a hand on his arm. 

“Don't, there's no point. She is long gone by now.”

“Does she do this a lot?” he asked, I thought I detected actual surprise in his voice.

“What?” 

“Run away. Walk out on a situation when it gets to difficult or stressful?”

I saw what he was getting at. 

“She never has issues in the field, honestly, very few people are as composed and focused on the job...i am not really sure how she does it. It's the other stuff she runs from.

Danger and stress, she is fine. Try to get her to tap into and emotions, especially negative ones and she reacts like this. I am surprised she hasn't walked out on you before now...that’s impressive.”

“You've tried to get her to open up?” He leaned towards me, giving me his complete attention.

“I have gotten her to open up. Unlike you I have more than an hour at a time to help someone with their life…” I wasn't sure if I should elaborate but I felt it was the best way for Fin to keep her job after the mandatory break so I continued. ”She is not a sharer and she has always had the mindset of keeping your feelings to yourself. She is ok showing happiness, that is what most people consider a baseline normal unless you are a soulless drone. The anger she knows how to use to her advantage, so again not hiding. Everything else? Everything else she sees as a weakness that can be exploited, so she hides it. If you ask about it she gets antsy. Anything negative, that is where her fight or flight responses override her body. I have tried to have a conversation while she was upset, she sits there fidgeting and twitching until she either runs it off or punches it out.”

“How have you gotten her to talk about it so much is she avoids it so aggressively?”

“I let her confront it aggressively.” I answered, smiling and hoping he noticed that my canines were a little sharper than they had been before his question. His implication at my incompetence as a friend was really getting under my skin. I was starting to see why Fin always gave him a hard time. “I get in a sparring ring and let her fight as long as she talks while she does it. It's taken 6 years of running ops but she trusts me not to use her weaknesses to my advantage.”

“Can I trust you to get her through this then? Agent Coulson was a good man, and although I disagreed with him not wanting to explore Fin’s repressed memories i realize he worked hard to get her where she is. I don't want that to be lost because of his passing.”

“Yea. I can do that.” I picked up her badge and walked to the door. His voice stopped me for a moment, I had thought we were done.

“Agent Allen, it may not be a place you wish to involve yourself but...i do think it would be in Fin’s best interest to explore her repressed past.” His voice was calm and melodious, the tones of a person trying to convince you of something and being used to getting his way. “I think it would help her process problems in her present and improve her mental health over all. I’ve-”

“Stop.” I cut him off, shaking his words out of my ears. “Agent Coulson didn't try to talk her into it and she doesn't want it. I'm not sure what you think it will accomplish but obviously it's not what she wants and I'm not going to try to change her mind. If you want it that desperately that's on you.”

I shut his door between us and went home. She wasn't there when I arrived but I hadn't expected her to be. There were three places Fin went when she was upset. To the gym to hit things, to the park to run, or to Peggy. Tonight I would put money on Peggy. Thunder rolled outside and I mentally doubled down on that bet. I made myself comfortable on the couch and opened ‘Dead Beat’ to the page where I had left off. I was tired but if I fell asleep I wanted it to be on the couch so I would know when Fin got home. A few hours later I was glad I had made that choice.

She came in the front door sopping wet, I heard her keys being set on the counter followed by the squish of wet sneakers. I walked around the corner to the kitchen to find her standing there, dripping on the tile Just staring at her keys..

“Hey.” I said it softly, I just wanted her to know I was there. She looked up at me and I saw her eyes, swollen and red. She had been crying. For a minute I thought maybe she had and been running this whole time despite the storm but she leaned back against the counter, sliding to the floor as she spoke, almost like forming the words took all the energy she had left.

“She didn't remember.”

I didn't have to ask who she meant. She had gone to see Peggy after all and must have run the 23 miles in the storm to get home instead of calling a ride. I took a deep breath, on her good days Peggy had moments of clarity, on her bad she didn't recognize her own family. I walked over, leaning beside her but not touching her.

“We can go back tomorrow, she-” Fin cut me off

“No...E, she remembered me.” She took a deep shaky breath before continuing, “she asked if I came alone...she asked why I didn't bring him with me...she…”

“She didn't remember…” she nodded as I echoed the words she had used, understanding now that she meant that Peggy hadn't remembered that Agent Coulson had died. We sat there for a long time I silence before she mumbled something about a shower and went toward her room. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Peggy was the one she had been prepared to lose, she knew she could get through it because she would have Coulson to get her through it and she had been bracing herself for that loss ever since the first diagnosis...but her father...he had been immortal to her. 

This was not going to be easy.

  
  
  


**[Steve - 10:00 May 16, 2012 - NEW YORK HQ]**

“With all due respect Director, you can’t expect me to sit around waiting for another incident like New York. Not when I could be doing something to keep it from happening.” My back stiffened when his face reflected more frustration than agreement and I felt my jaw clench unconsciously. Director Fury’s gaze met mine and he tried to give me a hard stare. I’m sure it convinced most people to change their minds, the eyepatch was intimidating I guess, but I’d seen worse. Director Fury’s hard stare has nothing on Peggy Carter and after a moment he exhaled, his shoulders slackening. 

“Fine. I’ll make an allowance for you to head up your own team. It will take me a few days to put in the paperwork. Anyone you pull will need to have at minimum level six clearance to avoid anything getting out to unauthorized personnel. I would say an eight to ten man team? I expect you to spend a few months running with Rumlow and the strike team to get the hang of things.”

“Sounds amicable, Sir.” I answered, keeping my face stoic.

“How do you plan to recruit this team of yours cap? Open tryouts?” Fury grinned smugly, he knew full well that would be a mess and I realized he was messing with me but he had a point.

“You know, last time i just went and rescued a bunch of P.O.W.s from a Hydra facility, got anything like that lying around?” I grinned back and he laughed. 

“No Cap, i can’t say that I do. I guess you will just have to find a new way to do things.”

“Yes Sir, I suppose I will.”


	4. The Show Must Go On

**[Fin - 09:46 May 25, 2012 - CLASSIFIED]**

_ The Show must go on - Queen _

It had been three weeks since the New York incident and I found myself sitting in the colorless waiting room again, this time without Elena, looking at the framed Rorschach blots on the walls. I was staring at one that I thought looked particularly inappropriate when I heard my name being called.

“Finlay, are you ready?”

I got to my feet. I wasn’t looking forward to this after the way I left things last time but I had to be cleared mentally ’fit for duty’ or I couldn’t go back to work. As long as I was benched, so was Elena. It was bullshit but it couldn’t be helped, the death of a family member always resulted in a mandatory time off period followed by a psych evaluation, i wasn’t due to come in for another month but Elena and I both didn’t know what to do with ourselves without work so i’d requested a shorter grievance period. Now i just had to prove that i had been given enough down time. 

I walked into the small back office, the walls were lined with bookshelves and painted a warm neutral tone. Doctor Whitehall stood to greet me and I shook his hand.

“I don’t have to lay on the couch, do I?” The Doctor smiled. My question was the exact same one I’d asked him nearly 15 years ago when Coulson had brought me here to talk about my recurring nightmares. 

“You know you can sit wherever you want Fin.” I walked past him and sat in his chair, gently tossing his notepad and pen onto the patient couch,” I’d tell you that your desire to sit in my chair every time you see me is a subconscious need to assert control of the situation but I don’t think it would change anything.” He took a seat on the couch.

“So where do we start Doc?” I pulled my knees to my chest and held them in front of me in his chair.

“Where do you want to start Fin?” I looked at him. We’d done this dance before. He knew I wouldn’t say anything without being asked first. “Right…I guess we can start with the usual routine. Have you been having nightmares?”

I’d gone years without them but Coulson’s death had rattled that part of me and they’d started up again. Before it was just the one, with the German woman. Sometimes it was still that one but Coulson was there…and sometimes it was a totally new one. This one worse than the others because when I woke up I could almost feel it.

“Yes.” I answered.

“The same one? About the woman?”

“Yes.”

“You know, I spoke to Agent Coulson about your dream when he first brought you here. He didn’t think it was a dream. He thought it was a repressed memory…of your mother.”

“I know…He told me.”

“How does that make you feel?”

I glared daggers at him. He knew that was my least favorite question.

“It makes me feel like my biological mother was brutally murdered in front of me and my underdeveloped child brain couldn’t cope so it locked it away in my head to revisit at a later date when I was better equipped to handle the situation.”

He wrote something down.

“If you’re writing that I use smartassery as a defense mechanism, it’s already in my file.” A smile ticked at his cheek.

“Do you think you have repressed memories of your life before Agent Coulson adopted you?”

“I must, because I don’t consciously remember any of it. I guess it was just so shitty that I chose not to remember.”

“But your dream, the woman singing to you. That doesn’t seem like a bad memory.” He prodded.

“No. But watching a mother, that woman be murdered…that’s no trip to Disneyland.”

“The death of Agent Coulson, the feelings that have been brought to the surface. Do you think that may have opened you up to having nightmares again?”

“Nooooo, I’m sure the death of my adoptive father has nothing to do with the dreams of my mother’s murder starting back up again. Those two things seem COMPLETELY unrelated.”

He made another note. Shit I was really screwing this up wasn’t I.

“It’s not just that dream.” I said, the doctor looked up at me. Surprised that I’d volunteered this information. ”I’ve started having a new one and it’s always the same…I think it’s something else I don’t remember.”

He just looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

“The dream isn’t always the same, the beginning, but it always ends the same…I can’t move, someone is speaking German to me, quiet but stern. A male voice. I can’t make out what he’s saying because all I can hear is the panic in my mind…I can’t move, I’m tied down to something and when I try I can feel things in my skin shift, like pins…Then there is a loud humming sound and as it gets louder a light starts and it gets brighter and brighter and my whole body starts to tingle like the needles when your arm falls asleep. But the needle feeling turns to fire and everything burns and the light is blinding and I scream…”

“Why do you think this is a memory, Fin?”

“I…I have normal dreams and they don’t feel like the one with the German woman…this one does.”

“If you like we can explore your mind, delve into what this new dream is about. You're old enough now that if you want to do some regression therapy to…”

“No.” I cut him off. “Coulson didn’t want me to try to remember this stuff, and I don’t want to either.”

“OK. Even without the full regression you can try to focus your mind to learn new details from the dream. Like quieting your mind to hear what the voice is trying to say to you.” He saw the blank look on my face and smiled before he continued.” Right, I won’t ask again, but if you ever change your mind.”

“Yea, I know where to find you.”

“So the dreams are affecting your sleep patterns. How are you handling that?”

“I’m not drinking and I don’t want sleep meds.” I answered.

“That’s not what I asked Fin.”

“I know. I am working out. Exhausting my body so my mind will rest.”

“Is that working for you?”

“It’s not a science, it’s 70/30 in favor of working but that’s enough.”

“Do you work out with anyone or go alone?”

“Alone. If I let my brain run through whatever it wants to think about while I’m working it’s quieter when I go to bed. If I was with someone I think I’d have too much to think about afterward. Besides, I usually wait until everyone else has gone so I have the gym to myself. Then I don’t have to worry about being social, or sharing equipment, or having an available shower stall afterward. It’s peaceful to be alone sometimes.”

“But you could talk to someone, if they went with you.”

“I’m not a talker Doc, you know that better than most.” we sat in silence for a while and I realized that he was waiting for me to contradict myself, knowing the awkward silence was harder for me than answering his questions. He was right, i broke first. “I did think of something...something i need to do i think.”

“A coping mechanism that doesn’t involve punishing yourself or others i hope.” he watched me smuggly.

“I considered the vengeance route but it honestly seemed too much like my day job...No, this is something I've wanted for a long time.”

“Why do it now?”

“Before, he didn’t want me to because he wanted me to stay hidden, stay safe. I think I'm past the point where it matters.” I saw Dr. Whitehall’s eyebrows raise and hurried to clarify. “NO, I don’t mean that it doesn’t matter if I get hurt or not. What I mean is...When I turned sixteen I asked Agent Coulson if i could change my name, he said no. He didn’t want anyone to know that he had people he cared about because he wanted them to be kept safe. Well now he’s gone, so my last name connecting me to him hardly matters to anyone else but it means a hell of a lot to me.”

“Alright Fin. I think we’re done.”

“Really that’s it?” I got to my feet. “No ink blots? No word associations? I had some really good ‘happy cloud, fluffy bunny’ responses prepared.”

“That’s why I don’t bother.” He laughed

I started to walk out the door and stopped, turning to him to say one last thing before I went.

“You’re wrong you know”

“About what?” his brows knitted in confusion.

“I don’t take your chair because of a need for control.” I pulled a caramel apple lollipop out of my pocket and popped it into my mouth. “I just remember where you hide the candy Doc.”

It was eleven o’clock at night by the time I reached the gym, which isn't that unusual for me. I’d left Dr. Whitehall’s office and had gone to see my favorite, and only, Aunt. I wanted to tell her what I hadn't told him, I’d already submitted the paperwork to change my name legally. I hadn’t been to visit since my last session with Whitehall and the guilt of that knowledge was eating at me. The fact that my cousin was planning to move her to a facility closer to where she lived in D.C. only compounded my regret.

When I arrived I found her to be in the middle of the road day kind of day. She was in a good mood and coherent. We watched  _ ‘The Wizard of Oz’ _ together and she complained about them cutting the jitterbug from the movie. I’d found it online so we could watch it as many times as she liked, she enjoyed that. It was nice, just being with her, I didn’t even mind when she called me Angie. If I couldn’t be me I’d settle for being her best friend.

Afterwards, still nervous about the results of my review I decided to run to the gym instead of calling a car, I arrived after the normal rush and allowed myself time on any equipment that called to me, i ended up deadlifting and the muscle stress felt good. After a couple of hours, I found myself walking through the empty space toward the showers, the songs from the movie were still playing in my head, which was a nice break from the grey clouds of depression that had been trying to settle there.

I stretched as I walked and my body ached, I knew I’d sleep well tonight. I made it into the locker room, my footsteps echoing off the empty space. I stopped at the row of sinks that lined the front wall and refilled my water bottle, my eyes looked at the lockers on the wall behind me, reflected in the mirrors. From the main locker room there were too halls on either side, lined with showers, a men’s side and a women’s side. The facility I was staying in was built before female agents were a regular occurrence so there was no need for separate locker rooms, once women became commonplace the people in charge decided that as long as we had our own showers we could share sinks and lockers. It really bothered the men more than the women, having lockers full of feminine hygiene products all around them.

I put the lid back on my water and walked down the women’s shower corridor. I took the last stall, it was the largest, some developer didn’t measure twice I guess, but it was the only stall with a bench that sat far enough away from the water to stay dry. I unpacked my clean clothes and towel, laying them on the bench with my gun. I wasn’t paranoid, I didn’t usually bring a gun into showers and it wasn’t the public shower that had me carrying, it was S.H.I.E.L.D. rules. Any Agent on the premises must be within reach of their firearm at all times.

I turned on the water, undressing and packing my dirty gym clothes into my bag while I hummed ‘Ding-dong the witch is dead’ to myself. By the time I stepped into the stream of water it was steaming. I stood completely under the flow, wetting my hair and letting the tension in my back muscles relax as the droplets massaged the aches away. The quiet sound of the water hitting the tile was soon replaced with my singing as I started shampooing my hair. It had been a long while since I’d been in the mood to sing but overall I was having a pretty good day and Judy Garland would not be contained. So there in the shower, smelling of green apple shampoo and honeysuckle soap I belted  _ ‘Somewhere over the rainbow. _ ’ I didn’t worry about waking anyone, the gym was too far from sleeping quarters. I sang and my body relaxed in the steam, my mind reached a calm it hadn’t in weeks and my lungs ached from disuse. As the last lines of the song echoed off the tile I heard clapping.

I froze, feeling the burn in my cheeks as they filled with color.

“I’m sorry.” A male voice called out. “I didn’t mean to intrude, I thought it would be better if I let you know you weren’t alone but…I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt.”

His voice sounded muffled in the empty room and based on the reverberated tone I figured he was still out by the sinks and well outside my personal bubble. Too bad that bubble wasn’t sound proof.

“Don’t apologize.” I shouted out to him. “It’s a public area, I should have been quieter. I’m about to leave if you were wanting privacy.”

“No, I was running and came to use the showers but I don’t want to-“ I cut him off.

“That’s public too.” I couldn’t hide the nervous laugh in my voice. For a moment I wondered if he worked out at night to avoid sharing the showers or if he was new and still uncomfortable with the whole unisex locker room thing. I held my hand above the shower wall where he could see it.

“I’ll make you a deal.” I held my fingers in a Boy Scout salute and continued. “I swear on the soul of Judy Garland that I will not peak if you don’t.”

I heard a muffled laugh.

“I promise not to peak.” He said, his voice wavered as though he was really trying to contain himself.

“On Judy Garland?”

That time the laugh came out, it was a rich deep sound that bounced off the walls.

“Yes, on Judy Garland and I will throw in Lena Horne for good measure.”

Who was this guy? I’d never met anyone other than Aunt Peggy who knew who Lena Horne was. I put my hand down.

“Anyone who knows Lena Horne can be trusted. We have a deal.”

He laughed again, this time a soft chuckle and I mentally followed the sound as he moved away from the Women’s side of the locker room. I finished my shower, not rushing or stalling. I did make a conscious effort not to sing but that didn’t keep me from humming a few bars of  _ ‘stormy weather’ _ . When I’d finished and dressed I could still hear the shower running on the men’s side. I reached for the push bar to leave yelling back over my shoulder as I walked out.

“Goodnight!” I didn’t wait to see if he answered before I let the door swing shut.

When I finally made it back to my quarters the notice from Dr. Whitehall had arrived. By some miracle the Shrinky head doctor cleared me. I thought for sure all those quickly scribbled notes were all caps DANGER. DANGER, DANGER with lots and lots of exclamation points. Maybe he figured if I was well enough to steal his candy I was well enough to steal intelligence from our enemies…I tried not to think about it too much, lest I start to wonder just how sane my coworkers were. At least I knew my partner was one of the good ones...or at least a compatible crazy to my own.

**[Elena - 04:37 May 26, 2012 - NEW YORK BARRACKS]**

She was dreaming about something, her pupils darted back and forth behind her eyelids. I wasn’t sure what time she’d gotten in but I knew it was late and I hated to wake her but we had work. After weeks of riding the bench we FINALLY had a mission, thank god, I was running out of things to keep Fin busy.

I held a hot strip of bacon just under her nose. Her eyes opened and she reached up, snatching the bacon from my fingers with her teeth. 

“Finally, you sleep like the dead sometimes.”

“Sorry,” She answered through the bacon as she sat up and looked at the clock on her nightstand. 4:37 am, swallowing before speaking again.

“I assume we are being called out? There better be more bacon, I only got to bed like 4 hours ago.”

“We are, and I know. That's why I let you sleep. You can finish getting ready on the drive, just get dressed.”

She didn't speak for a minute and I rolled my eyes at her, exaggerating my annoyance.

“Yes there is more bacon, for the love of…”

“Don't you have a mission to brief me on?” she asked, rolling out of bed and toward the kitchen.

Fin brushed her hair on the drive over, all the while telling me with painful reluctance about being caught singing in the showers after her run. I thought it was hilarious, all this time she’d been trying not to sing in front of people at Franks and she gets caught with her pants down...or off, as the case may be. When we arrived, Natasha was waiting for us at the hanger.

“Didn't you get the briefing?” she asked, looking us up and down.

“We got the notice, why what's wrong?” I asked, pulling up the info that I had gotten on my phone to see if I missed something. 

“Let me see” Nat took the phone. “sonofabitch, I told him to make sure your clearance passed.”

“what are you...” I started but Nat cut me off.

“You are wearing the wrong gear, it's not that kind of mission. I guess you can change on the plane...i have some stuff... I can't believe he didn't make sure that clearance was in the system, you should have had the whole briefing in your notice, not that bullshit” she handed the phone back to Elena. 

Fin gawked.

”I am confused.” was all she could manage as Nat started toward the private jet, we followed, climbing up the narrow steps and into the cabin.

“After the NY incident your security clearance was changed from 5 to 7. It has been updated on all your forms and badges but apparently not in the notice system. So all the classified info was left out of your briefing and you two showed up for a tactical mission which is what you would normally be going out on. The briefing, being lvl 5 also didn't mention I was coming with you. So surprise.” She said flatly.

“Ok...two follow up questions.” Fin asked tentatively. “1. I thought you worked alone and 2. If not tactical then…?”

“I do, except for when I don't. Like now. And” she disappeared in behind a curtain and came out with two garment bags ”not tactical, this one requires a...softer touch. At least to start.”

She smirked, one corner of her mouth twisting up in a genuine grin as she handed us the bags. 

“change, fix your hair, there is makeup in a bag somewhere and if the heels don't fit make them. Be pissed at O'grady, he's the one that didn't process your clearance papers”

I unzipped the bag and saw a red dress that would not leave much to the imagination but wouldn't hinder my movements either. It wasn't a trade off I usually considered but for once I was grateful to be a little less endowed than Natasha. I glanced at Fin and saw her holding an emerald strip of fabric that I realized was a dress. On the rare occasion Fin did dress up she tended to go with more fabric, her curves not leaving much to the imagination even when it was covered in layers, and I wondered where she planned to hide her weapons.

“Come on.” I started for the plane, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “let's see how much tape we are going to need to keep you in that.” 


	5. Trouble

**[Coulson - 10:00 Dec 22nd, 1997 - NEW MEXICO]**

_ When Coulson had gotten the notice for a location outside of Roswell he’d been hoping for aliens. Aliens would have been better. Instead, he found himself standing over the crumpled frame of a two-toned blue ‘87 chevy silverado, half buried in a snow drift. It wasn’t the only fatal crash near Roswell, there had been record snow for New Mexico and the area wasn’t dealing with it well, but this one was different.  _

_ “We almost have it dug out Sir.” Another agent announced, handing Coulson a coffee, He held it to his face without sipping, letting the steam thaw his nose.  _

_ “How many?” Coulson didn’t know what answer he wanted.  _

_ “Two. Both Adults. One male, one female.” the agent responded.  _

_ “Let me know when they’re free.” Coulson looked down at his phone and dialed the number again. It went to the answering machine, just like the last 7 times he’d tried. He told himself it was the signal out here but his optimism was wearing thin.  _

_ “Sir!” A voice called from the emergency vehicle beside the truck. Coulson walked toward him and thought it was the longest walk he’d ever made. Even the snow seemed to move in slow motion. He looked down at the bodies.  _

_ The man had suffered the worst of the wreck, trauma to his head would have killed him instantly and the blood covering his face made him nearly unrecognizable. Coulson didn’t need to clean him up to confirm it was Ezekiel, all he needed for that was to see the woman beside him. Emma seemed to have made it through the crash itself, her face only had superficial cuts from the glass and the coroner on site explained that the cold is what killed her. The crash had left them trapped under a large snow drift, to heavy to get out of the car and too remote a road to be found in time, she’d frozen to death. Trapped in the truck with her dead husband with nothing to do but grieve as she died of hypothermia. Coulson could see the tears still frozen on her face and curses the irony that, had the injuries been reversed, they could have both lived. Ezekiel had the power to heal his wife and together they could have had the strength to escape, but even a man with Zeke’s talents couldn’t heal that much trauma to his own brain.  _

_ “What about the girl? Their daughter?” Coulson asked one of the local law enforcement on site.  _

_ “She’s the only reason we found them, poor kid. She’s a bright, only eleven and already testing out of high school...they left her home while they went to town. She says they did all the time, sometimes when the weather was bad they would be gone overnight but they’d never left her this long before. When they weren’t home by day three she called the police. She’s with CPS now i think. They said something about an aunt in California.” the sheriff spoke with a calm southern drawl and Coulson could see the emotional exhaustion in his eyes, he’d had too many sites like this over the last few days.  _

_ “California?” Coulson raised an eyebrow.  _

_ “Yea, I'm not sure that little girl will adapt too well to san francisco after growing up out here in the reservations but it’s better than bouncing around in the system.” _

_ “I hope so.” He made a mental note, he would need to keep tabs on her. After all, he’d promised that he would be there for her, should the need arise. His mind flashed an image of another little girl, this one needing someone to look after her as well, and he knew what he had to do.  _

**[Elena - 21:00 May 27th, 2012 - MOSCOW]**

_ Trouble - Valerie Broussard _

I watched the snow accumulate outside the hangar, our plane had left a few hours after we landed but Natasha had convinced the airport employees to let us sit in their facilities until that evening. The security clearance mishap had set us back but at least it had given Fin and I time to rest, change into more appropriate attire and be filled in on the mission. It seemed fairly straight forward as far as intel collecting went, although usually Fin and I snuck in and took what we needed… unfortunately the information we needed was in someone’s head and not a computer so we were doing it the hard way. 

We’d managed to find clothes that worked, surprisingly the clothes fit for the most part, right down to the completely unnecessary lingerie style slips, but Natasha’s size 9 shoes left me a little too much room, luckily they were ankle boots and probably wouldn’t slide completely off but i’d been doing my best to stuff them with tissue from the bathroom anyway. I hoped that once we got to our destination i wouldn’t have to walk much...or heaven forbid run. I thought about complaining about the shoe issue but the Black Widow was already on edge with her plan going off the rails before it even started and Fin...well, Fin was having her own problems. After one last tissue adjustment i tentatively walked out of the bathroom, Fin looked up at me. While i’d been fixing my shoes she had acquired a huge black floor length fur coat and matching ushanka, she still didn’t look happy but i knew she felt a little better about the prospect of venturing out in the snow. Natasha held another coat out to me and we started walking. Fin visibly shivered when the cold air hit her and i hoped the place we were meeting our contact wasn’t far, she had a lot of helpful skills but if she got too cold she was useless. It was through no fault of her own, I knew that, but it was damned inconvenient when your partner’s body starts shutting down for hibernation when it reached an uncomfortable level of cold. The thought made me laugh a little, not that it was particularly funny but seeing her walk ahead of me through the flurries in an oversized bear coat while thinking about her hibernating tickled me. 

We walked through the doors of Piramida, we checked our coats at the door and I found myself surrounded by egyptian decor. The air was warm and dry and for a minute I almost forgot we had just stepped off the streets of Moscow. The three of us walked toward the bar together and i heard Fin whisper;

“ a blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar.” 

I smiled.

“the punch line may be actual punching with us three.” I responded through my teeth, seeing the patrons of the bar notice our approach. A few of the men leered to the point where i could almost feel their greasy eyes on me and i noticed a few of the women glaring daggers in our direction, the smell of too much perfume and sex that hung in the air reassured me that the angry women were most likely professionals and seeing us was a threat to their potential clientele. Why buy the cow… the thought of the creepy men touching me made my skin crawl and I had to focus to shake off the feeling. I was going to need to find a balance between noticing enough around me to do my job and shutting down some senses to avoid distraction.

I found a chair beside Fin and noticed Natasha wasn’t with her. 

“Where is our lisichka?” I asked quietly, i wasn’t sure if the Widow would appreciate being called ‘little fox’ but i’d spend the last 5 years learning Russian as one of my optional language courses with the bureau, i’d be damned if i wasn’t going to use it now, even if it did mean calling my superior officer the russian pet name for a hot redhead. It wasn’t inaccurate. Fin didn’t speak, she just nodded to the other side of the room, i looked and saw Natasha talking to a gentleman with two goons flanking him. Great, why did I have the feeling I was about to be prostituted. Before i could say the thought out loud she was waving us over, I smiled a polite ‘hello sir, don’t worry i’m just a sweet american girl that wouldn’t hurt a fly’ smile. Fin was attempting the same but for some reason even her genuine nice smile held a bit of an edge. The man smiled back at us both, either not noticing Fin’s predator smile or not caring. Maybe he was into that, who was i to judge. 

As we made our way across the room I hoped my shoes would cooperate, I felt myself subconsciously trying to grip the insole with my toes to keep them from slipping and hoped I hadn't shifted the makeshift stuffing by doing so. We finally made it to the table and the man greeted us with kisses to the backs of our hands, introducing himself as Leo Popov. Natasha started to pull out a chair to sit with him but he shook his head and spoke in quiet but broken english.

“No no, let us enjoy your company someplace more private, here is too loud. Pretty women should not have to speak over such noise.“ His accent was heavy and i assumed he spoke in english for our benefit. I wouldn’t be surprised if Nat had told him that none of us spoke russian, it would increase the chances of letting the info slip. Nat looked at us, waiting to see if we argued but instead Fin and I giggled like stupid young american tourists, flattered at the man’s attentions. He smiled and spoke russian to his goons, something along the lines of collecting the set. I kept smiling. He told his goon’s in russian to retrieve our coats and we were led out to a waiting car. The textbook protocol part of my brain was shouting ‘rule number 4, never get into a car with a target, if you have been compromised there is no way to know where you might be taken.’ Goon 1 held the door open and Natasha crawled in first while Popov watched her ass disappear into the car. Goon 2 followed and Fin went after him followed by Popov and lastly myself and goon 1. 

After some conversation with the driver the car started to move. The three of us sat smiling, having small talk about how exciting Russia has been so far while the three men spoke in Russian to each other. I kept my ears open for and useful information but as far as I could tell they were calling dibs. 

Great.

We arrived at the Baltschug Kempinski, from the outside it looked like a fortress, only the bellman outside breaking the illusion. We followed Popov inside, his goons bringing up the rear and i got the distinct feeling they were watching ours very closely. I tried not to roll my eyes, hopefully we would be done soon and could get out of here. This was all going too smoothly for my liking, I tried to tell myself that Natasha was just good at her job and I was being paranoid but I couldn't help feeling my hackles rise, metaphorically of course, every time the goons boxed us in like this. If felt like they were herding us and i didn’t like feeling like a sheep. 

We made it to the room and the goons took our coats, Popov whispered something to Natasha and she giggled. That was unnerving. 

“Would you two um...keep these guys company?” she said in a low husky voice, “Leo has something he wants to show me in the other room.” She batted her eyelashes. I did not like this Natasha, I needed her to stab someone pronto, this was freaking me out. 

“No problem.” I heard Fin answer in a similar tone as she took a step toward goon 2, taking his tie in her fingers and looking at him instead of Natasha. He grinned and Popov barked at him in russian. 

“Vy mozhete igrat', no snachala ya ikh poluchu, Ponyal?”

The goon looked down at Fin, probably getting a decent look down her low cut emerald dress as he answered sullenly

“Da.”

Goon 2 sat on a chair and Fin sat on his lap, crossing her outside leg over the other. To anyone watching it would look like she was trying to make it easier for him to grab her ass but i knew she was making it easier for her to reach her knife if she needed. I looked at goon 1 and he blushed, apparently i got the shy one. I sat on the couch and leaned forward, patting the cushion beside me. He sat as Nat and Popov disappeared into a back room. The shy goon picked up a magazine from the little coffee table in front of the couch and started flipping through the pages. I guess i wasn’t his type. I leaned toward him, pretending to look at the pictures over his shoulder and trying my best to seem interested. Fin’s giggling was distracting. Goon 2 had his hand resting on her bare knee and was speaking to her in russian, every time she would just laugh and explain that she didn’t understand. She did, we both did. He was saying all the things he wanted to do to her once his boss was done and i wasn’t sure how she was keeping a straight face about it. The hand slowly crept up from her knee and with every inch he got closer to finding out what was really under there. I concentrated on keeping the situation in my peripheral while i slowed my breathing and listened for any sound from the back room. I could hear Nat asking questions and Popov whimpering, i assumed that was a good thing. 

“Chto eto?” I looked over to see Goon 2 holding Fin’s knife between their faces. She was doing her best embarrassed girl face trying to keep him from being mad while speaking very slowly. 

“It’s nothing.” She smiled sweetly, her hand resting on his that held her small push blade. “I just like to have it, it makes me feel safe.” Well she wasn’t lying. Goon 1 understood english well enough and translated for Goon 2, who smiled. His face took on a wicked grin. He pushed the little blade closer to Fin’s face, letting the flat edge rest on her cheek lightly. His low thick russian voice asked in broken english. 

“You feel safe now?” I held my breath, i thought he was playing with her but i wasn’t sure how Fin would read the situation and my muscles coiled incase i needed to pounce. Fin tilted away and gave the Goon a wicked grin before turning her face back to the knife, reaching out to run her tongue along the flat of the blade while maintaining eye contact with the man. Sometimes that girl really concerned me. 

The russian laughed and gave her the blade, she put it back in the garter and Goon 2 went back to his ‘things I will do to you’ list, which had accelerated to knife play after that display. I wasn’t sure how much of this I could take. 

A crash from the back room caught my attention but neither goon reacted, when the second crash sounded we weren’t so lucky. I barely registered that Goon 1 had left the couch when i saw him disappear from the doorway. Goon 2 stood so quickly that Fin landed on the floor with a thud, she could have caught herself and before i could wonder why she didn’t I heard shouting coming from the back room. Goon 2 turned to face us and Fin’s leg kicked out, her stiletto heel making contact with his knee. He let out a string of curses as he doubled over and she jumped up, driving both arms over his shoulder and down. I ran past them toward the back room. Goon 1 had a gun on Natasha, the bed, and Popov tied on it, were between them. Her throwing knife was on the wall behind the goon, she was unarmed and cornered. Luckily for me the goon wasn’t smart enough to watch the doorway behind him, i grabbed Nat’s knife out of the wall and drove it into the goon’s neck. He fell to the floor and i wiped the blood from it before tossing it back to Nat. 

“Thanks. Where’s fin?”

“Playing with the other guy, you get what we needed?”

“Yes, I knocked him out when I got the info but apparently I didn't hit him hard enough. As soon as I went to leave the room he started banging the headboard against the wall. Let’s get out of here before someone else comes to investigate.” she explained, clearly pissed at herself for not making sure the target was unconscious. For the sake of being thorough I nudged goon 1 on the floor between us, nothing. Yep, he was out...possibly for good. I didn’t have time to feel bad about it. We walked back into the main room to see Fin wiping blood off of her small push knife, goon 2 was sprawled face down on the floor and her dress was torn. 

“Are we done?” She asked, trying to tie the two loose ends of shoulder strap back together. 

“Yep, we will take the stairs and go out the back.” Nat started for the door and I took off the shoes, holding one in each hand so I could strike with the heel if I needed to. I had weapons, more effective weapons, but if we were taking the stairs i couldn’t do it in these shoes and I sure as hell wasn’t walking barefoot when we got outside. 

We made it to the ground floor without incident but the starwell didn’t have an emergency exit to the outside, we would have to enter the lobby. Nat and Fin waited while I put the shoes back on and we walked out like we belonged there. There were men in tactical boots at the back door, Nat saw them too and turned toward the front, them being here couldn’t be a coincidence. We realized as we stepped out of the main entrance that we hadn’t grabbed our coats in our rush to leave and we were getting some strange looks. We all started looking for an unattended car, we needed to go. As we scanned the lot a car pulled into the port, the passenger window rolled down and a man smiled at us. 

“You three, pretty ladies!” Someone shouted. I tried to shake off the memory of Demetri chiding his partner to ‘speak american to the pretty lady’ and concentrated on slowing my breathing as the image of his lifeless face in a dark hall surfaced and faded. When I looked toward the voice i saw Nat talking to a limo driver, I knew talking would draw less attention than ignoring him and letting him continue to shout and I moved to listen.

“Yes pretty lady, are you done? Do you need to go back to Piramida?” Nat looked confused for a moment and the driver laughed. “Oh yes, you must not know. I drove you here pretty lady, you and your friends. That man you come with, he calls my car many times. I bring here and then take ladies back, only the ladies. Yes?” Nat looked over her shoulder at us, I didn't trust it but it was the only option we had unless we wanted to walk to the airport in the snow with no coats. Nat thanked him and told him we could get the door ourselves, explaining that we had left our coats and were in a hurry to get warm. He smiled and we got in, the driver pulled away from the hotel as some men in the same black goon boots walked out looking for us. We let out a collective exhale. Fin’s teeth were chattering. 

“Excuse me” i asked the driver,” would you mind turning the heat up just a little? My friend gets cold easily.” I probably hadn’t needed to explain but he did as I asked and I thanked him as the smell of under used heating came out of the vents. I leaned back in the seat, watching the buildings pass through the heavily tinted window, after a few miles I thought we should be back at the club, Natasha seemed unconcerned and i thought that maybe she had asked to be taken to the airport when I wasn’t listening. Now that i thought about it, it did seem like we were taking a different route than we took from the club. I looked over at Fin, she had her head leaned back and her eyes closed, she had stopped shivering. I leaned forward to ask Nat if we were heading straight to the airport and i felt a little light headed when I sat up. My head felt fuzzy and i couldn't place why. I reached out for Nat’s arm and when I touched it I realized she was asleep too. My brain thought that was probably a bad thing but the fog growing in my mind couldn’t process why, it insisted that sleep was a great idea. We’d worked so hard, we deserved to rest a little. I could just...shut my eyes...for a second...and figure this all out...later. I closed my eyes and the deep chemical sleep took me. 

**[Coulson - Dec 25th, 1997]**

_ The girl had been free from the ice for weeks, doctors had come and gone, none of them able to tell him why she wouldn’t wake up. Medically she was fine.  _

_ “How is she?” She asked when she came in that morning. She’s offered to let Coulson leave and get some rest but he hadn’t left the girls side since he’d gotten back from New Mexico. . _

_ “Same. Sleeping…We need to talk about when she wakes up.” Coulson spoke. He had been thinking about this a lot, and he thought he was being realistic. He hoped Peggy agreed.  _

_ He was nearly thirty, a shield agent and single...He’d had more than once; a wife...a daughter, but his carelessness had gotten them killed. He’d decided it was best to forgo his personal aspirations of family in lieu of a career without the complication of collateral. The fact that he had always wanted a family hadn’t changed but it seemed impossible. Over the last few weeks, watching the girl, he wondered if it could work.  _

_ “I want to adopt her.” he blurted before Peggy suggested a more reasonable alternative that he couldn't logically argue with. ”S.H.I.E.L.D. can falsify give her a new past…I can help her make a new future.” _

_ “I’d hoped you’d want that Phil.” She reached into her bag, pulling out adoption papers and the documents they would need to fill out for her to be issued a birth certificate and social security number. _

_ “Right...” he looked at the papers and thought for a moment, “I was thinking Finlay for her first name. My great grandmother was named Finlay.” _

_ “I like it.” Peggy said looking at the little girl on the infirmary bed,” Do you know what it means?” _

_ “No…I never asked.” _

_ “It’s Gaelic, it means ‘pale warrior’. It suits her.” _

_ The parentage area of the paperwork was already filled out as a child surrender would be and on the name line he printed: _

_ Finlay Margaret  _

_ “Margaret? Phil…” Peggy started and Coulson smiled. _

_ “I always liked it for a middle name.” He stared down at the last blank to fill. _

_ “What’s wrong?” Peggy saw where he was stuck and for a moment feared he was having second thoughts.  _

_ “Being related to a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent, it’s dangerous.” He remembered the family he’s already lost because of this job. “My last name might as well be a target on her back.” _

_ “What is in a name?” She smiled. “She’ll be yours, no matter what.” _

_ He took a deep breath, writing Smith into the line where it asked for a surname. It was not creative, but it was more anonymity than any other name could provide.  _

  
  


**[Fin - 14:00 May 30th, 2012 - MOSCOW]**

I couldn’t move my arms, I was tied down.

I’d had this dream before. First i can’t more, then there is a bright light, then the pain...and the screaming…I held my breath and waited, bracing for the pain, but it never came.

I pulled against my bonds, i was tied, that part was true but i wasn’t dreaming. My head felt slow, like my thoughts were coming to me through a fog and when I tried to open my eyes they felt puffy. I opened my mouth to try to call for Elena but my throat was too dry, no sound came. 

I wasn’t sure what was happening, the last thing I remembered was getting into the town car to head back to the Pirimida...I was cold in the car, had i shut down? No. that didn’t make sense. If i had gone cold Elena would have known to get me someplace warm and wherever I was did not qualify. 

I wiggled around a little, startling myself when bare thigh touched cold metal. Someone must have heard me jerk away from the cold because voices started in the distance, too far to make out what they were saying. I heard the shuffling of chairs followed by footsteps. They came closer and stopped a few feet short of where i was tied, i heard a low laugh and then felt water splash across me, it was warm and i could feel it running down my body. At least now i knew the brain fog wasn’t from being upside down. For a minute i was thankful for the splash of heat but once the cold reasserted itself it was worse than before and i clenched my jaw against the chattering. I heard the shifting again and knew another bucket was coming, This time i opened my mouth, the water was clean and warm, like the first bucket. Warm water wasn’t the most refreshing but having swallowed some i could at least talk now. I blinked a few times and found that my eyes, though not adjusted to the dim light, did cooperate in opening. 

I didn’t recognize the man standing in front of me but his boots were familiar. Well hello new goon, I thought to myself as I imagined him in a dr. seussian red shirt with a big 3 on the front. 

I heard a splash followed by coughing on my left and turned to see Elena gasping awake, Natasha was tied to a chair beside her and next in line for the wet wake up call. Elena’s eyes met mine and I nodded to let her know i was ok. She did the same. Good, we were both fine...just fine. Sure we were tied up in what seemed to be a warehouse in the middle of ‘fuck if i know’ Russia, but that was fine. Everything was fine. For some reason I couldn't think of other words than ‘fine’ at the moment and I decided that wasn’t fine at all. Our first official outing with someone who could escalate our careers and we get captured...and not even on purpose! Thanks a lot Russia. 

I tried to get out of my own head long enough to listen to the faint voices in the distance, I couldn’t make out much and really wished i had Elena’s hearing. What i did make out was that we had been tied up here for almost 3 days, which meant we missed our ride out by at least twenty four hours. I banged my head against the metal i was tied to and got some very angry russian shouting in response. Two of the men came up and carried Natasha away, chair and all, to their corner. Clearly deciding she was the one in charge, as i looked back in Elena’s direction she gestured down with her chin, i looked and saw that she was working on shifting one of her hands. The way it was tied she would need to be careful but she’d managed to grow her nails into thick black claws and was slowly shredding her binding one fiber at a time. At least that was something, if she could get loose she could run and call for backup. I looked back at the group questioning Natasha. She would have to run, there were too many to take down alone and wasting time to untie me would be stupid if it meant neither of us getting out. I started to form my arguments for her going alone in my mind, knowing that as soon as she got loose she would try to untie me and that there would in fact be an argument about her leaving me behind. I just hoped that she got out fast enough for me to make the argument. The warm water on my clothes, if you could call them clothes since we all seemed to be in the slips, was starting to freeze and i could feel the numbness in my fingers starting. I wasn’t shivering anymore, which was not a good sign. It meant i was starting to shut down, my body deciding that self preservation via coma was better than death by hypothermia. It wasn’t wrong, i didn’t want to die but it was inconvenient. I looked back at Elena and saw that the hand nearest me was free, good. I looked up to her face and saw her teeth were starting to chatter, when she saw me looking she winked. I wasn’t sure if my brain was starting to slow enough that I didn't understand the meaning of the wink or if she was trying to tell me that she was almost out and I wished, not for the first time, that one of us had telepathy. She saw my frustration and smiled trying to gesture up with the same head movement she had used earlier to show me her hand. I tried to look but I couldn't get the right angle, I guess I would have to find out the hard way. 

  
  


**[Steve - 14:27 May 30th, 2012 - MOSCOW]**

I didn’t run with Rumlow’s team on every outing but was included on all their assignment notices since I had been instructed to shadow a few to get the hang of things. I hadn’t gone out on as many as I should have, I knew how to run a team, but when the notice mentioned an emergency extraction involving the Black Widow I geared up. Natasha had been a big part of the New York incident and I liked her, she treated me like a human instead of an out of date science experiment and that was a nice change of pace these days. Not to mention the curiosity of what could have possibly happened to have Nat call for backup had me on edge. 

The stealth helo had dropped us on the roof of the warehouse around dawn and now we waited. I wasn’t sure what we were waiting on exactly, but this wasn’t my outfit and if i stepped on any toes here i may not get my own team any time soon. A few guys moved around the roof setting percussion charges and hooks, setting up repelling equipment. Meanwhile I sat back on my heels, i didn’t like ropes, to much to get caught up in, and i would be fine if i landed on my shield. After a while my mind started to wonder and i caught myself thinking that if we got back home in time i could still try to catch my mystery girl. I shook my head, i’d been at the gym every night since I’d interrupted her and hadn’t seen her, it was probably safe to assume that she decided to use a gym without random men making conversation in the showers. It was a shame, I hadn't met many people that shared my musical taste. I shook my head, I couldn't think about it now, i needed to focus. I tried to listen to what was happening inside the building. There were people talking, men speaking russian and a woman’s voice answering them in short calm phrases. I assumed Natasha. Rumlow had mentioned that Nat had two other agents with her but i didn’t hear them. I checked my watch, it had only been about five minutes since we landed but it felt much longer. What were we waiting on?

After a moment there was a loud crash from inside followed by shouting, Rumlow gave the signal and the roof fell out from under us. 

  
  


**[Fin - 14:40 May 30th, 2012 - MOSCOW]**

Elena had gotten her hands free and was working on her legs when Natasha jumped up, hitting the man behind her with the chair she was still attached to. Before I could figure out what was happening in the crowded corner the ceiling exploded and a tactical team repelled through the warehouse’s new skylight. 

So THAT’S what Elena was trying to tell me about. 

Elena stopped trying to be stealthy and threw herself forward, the bonds around her knees brought her to the floor but shifted them enough that she could pull herself out. I had been trying to do what I could with my bonds but with no claws or knife and numb fingers it was slow going. Once Elena was free she came to me, her eyes darting at the chaos around us. 

“Ours?” I said as loud as I could manage. She nodded. 

“I think it’s Rumlow’s team.” she spoke in a calm flat tone that didn’t match her wide eyed expression, she leaned around me and yelled to one of the geared out rescuers. “Knife?”

I heard footsteps behind me and a knife appeared in her hand, she thanked him and he went into the fray with the rest of them. The knife cut through the bonds faster than her claws and i was free before the dust settled. She handed me the knife and looked toward Natasha and the Russians. 

“Go” with the arrival of the calvary we weren’t outnumbered anymore. We needed to finish this. She looked at my face with concern and I reassured her.

“I’m right behind you.” She nodded and started toward the group at a jog, the fight was over from what I could see but Elena could help if anyone was hurt. I looked down at the hand holding the knife Elena had given me to make sure it was still there, I couldn't feel my hands and needed the reassurance. It was and I squeezed the hard plastic hilt, my fingers moved but my brain didn’t register the feeling. That wasn’t good but at least I could still move them, even if they were a little blue, it’s when they didn’t move, I started to worry. I walked to the corner with all the commotion, Nat had been untied and most of the Russians were incapacitated in one manner or the other. 

“Don’t worry Ladies,” Rumlow mock bowed,” Your knights in shining armor have come to rescue you.” Nat roller her eyes at him. 

“Don’t make me give you a spontaneous sex change operation Rumlow.” She threatened, pointing a huge bowie knife in the direction of his junk. He smirked but didn’t continue, instead he looked at the three of us and the smirk turned into a wide grin. 

“What say we get these ladies back on the helo and into something a little less...comfortable.”

Elena, just now realizing the state of her undress now that the excitement was over did her best to shrink a little. I didn’t blame her, if my fingers were working i would have stolen clothes from a russian already. I took a step toward her, planning to stand between her and the tac team to give her some privacy, when i heard a slight clatter on the floor. At first i thought i had kicked something and not felt it but when I looked down I noticed that I had dropped the knife. Elena saw it too and reached over taking my hands in hers. She closed her eyes, focusing her attention on my numb hands and after a moment the tingling sensation of a limb regaining blood flow came to my fingers, I mouthed ‘thank you’ to her silently before whispering aloud to her. 

“Why is it we can’t go to Russia without you ending up in your underwear?” I joked, trying to lighten her mood. A barely visible smile twitching. 

“At least they match this time.” She poked at my exposed abdomen. “And you’re one to talk.”

“Well i felt so left out the last time…”

“Is this typically how your missions are outfitted Widow?” the voice spoke up from the back and i couldn’t see them but i recognized the voice. I hadn’t realized Rollins had been picked up by Rumlow. Great. And here I'd told myself he’d never get to see me in my underwear again. 

“Of course” she answered him with a smile that could kill,”what else do you think i wear under the bodysuit.”

Rumlow shot him a look that warned against pissing off the Black widow. Yes she was asking for help now but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t hold a grudge later. Rumlow could be an ass but he wasn’t a dumbass, which was more than anyone could say for Jack Rollins. 

  
  


**[Steve - 15:00 May 30th, 2012 - EN ROUTE]**

The agents with Natasha were codenamed Sköll and Hatí, the names were familiar but i couldn't place where from. I didn’t recognize them until after we’d gotten them warmed up and back on the helo. I hadn’t met the brunette formally but the blonde i remembered was Agent Allen, we’d met briefly after the New York incident and while i didn’t talk to the other Agent i did have a fond memory of seeing her punch Loki in the face. The agent i had met caught me looking at them and nodded in acknowledgement. I smiled and nodded back. Her friend was wrapped up in one of the foil emergency blankets and was doing her best impression of a frozen burrito but i didn’t blame her, it had been cold in the warehouse and they weren’t exactly dressed for the weather. My cheeks flushed at the thought and I looked away before anyone noticed. I kept looking at the wall and trying to think about anything else when i heard Agent Allen talking to someone. I didn’t recognize the other voice but it was female and without looking it was safe to assume it was the brunette. It was hard to hear what they were saying, even over the quiet engines of the helo but they were the only ones talking so the sound stood out. The first voice asked.

“Is that who i think it is?”

And she was answered with by short. “Yep.”

The first voice was quiet for so long i didn’t think there was going to be any more to the conversation but i heard an embarrassed whisper say 

“Great, our first trip out with Nat and Captain fucking America has so save us in our underpants.”

I tried not to laugh and stole a glance in their direction. The brunette had her face hidden in her hands and Agent Allen’s face was turning pink with laughter, she was trying to hold it in and failing. She glanced in my direction, caught me looking and doubled over laughing and saying “nothing, nothing.” to her friend, who I assume was asking why she was laughing so hard. 

I smiled, turning back to my wall and wondering if “Captain Fucking America” would be a better name...i could think of a few people that probably already called me something similar.


	6. Home

**[Elena - 15:42 June 26th, 2012 - NEW YORK BARRACKS]**

_Home II - Dotan_

The New York agent facilities had been assigning Agents left and right since the ‘event’ and civilians that had taken issue with the way the Avengers had handled the situation were showing up in droves to show us their ‘appreciation’. Fin and I were still here, along with a handful of others and I assumed they had their reasons for stalling our reassignment but i wasn’t sure what they might be. Two nights prior a particularly unsatisfied band had shown their appreciation with cocktails...molotov cocktails. The main floor was crispier than before but the brick building held strong and I hoped those same rioters were happy with their handiwork when SHIELD announced their decision to use the building to house those who’d been displaced by the attack. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my mind. I was frustrated that my home, no matter how temporary, had been attacked. I could only imagine my rage if I'd lost things the way they had. 

I walked into our apartment and saw a pile of mail on the counter, Fin usually sorted it into stacks but it was in one messy pile, i started going through it. Most of it was junk but there was one envelope with the SHIELD insignia addressed to both Fin and I. I tore it open and started reading, it was better news than i’d expected. We had finally gotten our transfer orders and while a lot of agents i’d spoken to had been scattered to the edges of the world we were being transferred to the D.C. office. I couldn’t contain the audible sigh of relief, I would have been happy anywhere but Washington D.C. is where Fin needed to be. Peggy’s biological niece was stationed in D.C. and with recent events she had decided to move her aunt closer so she could check up on her, not considering that meant taking Peggy away from Fin literally weeks after she’d buried Coulson. I didn’t think the decision was made maliciously but Fin had used a lot of colorful language to express her feelings on the matter. 

I went to tell Fin the good news, not bothering to knock on the door in my excitement. I caught her crying and regretted my hubris immediately. She saw me but didn’t ask me to leave, instead she waved me over and handed me a stack of paper. I sat beside her as I took it, looking down at the neatly typed letters. 

Coulson’s last will and testament. Shit. We had known it was coming but holding it in your hand made it tangible...made it real. 

“What does it say?” I asked, handing it back. I knew I could read it but I wanted to try to get her talking. 

“He took care of almost everything...liquidating assets that I wouldn't have a use for and making sure it’s all in order...He left me the house, the house and everything in it.”

“Are you going to move in?” I asked, wanting to gauge her reaction. She shrugged. 

“Doesn’t matter does it. We don’t know where SHIELD is sending us. I’m going to keep it, I don't think I could get rid of it, but I’ll live wherever I'm told to live. It’s what we do.”

“Speaking of that…”

“We finally have orders?” She asked, wiping her cheeks. 

“Yea,” I smiled, knowing she would be happy with the news that she would be within walking distance of Peggy again. “I’m not sure how you feel about moving closer to Sharon but…”

“D.C.!?” She perked up. “No shit?”

“No shit. I assume that Black widow and Hill had a say in out station.”

“Finally, making friends pays off!”

“Something like that. So when do you want to start packing?

Fin looked at me and then around her room, she grabbed a backpack and opened it before sweeping everything off her night stand into the bag. 

“Done.”

“Ha-ha.” I looked at the transfer papers again.“We have until the first of the year to report to D.C. We are just on call until then. There’s a number to call for agent housing...I can-”

“Don’t” She cut me off.“What if we pack up and go to Coulson’s house...just for a little while, while we look for a place to live in D.C.”

“You want to get a place in D.C? Not SHIELD quarters? Do you think we can afford that? I thought D.C. was expensive?” My mind was racing with questions about budget and cost of living as Fin flipped through her stack of papers, folding it back about halfway through and handing them back. I looked down at the paper and saw a string of numbers.

Holy crap.

“So, liquidated assets, huh?”

  
  


**[Fin - 15:42 July 8th, 2012 - BROOKLYN]**

We moved out of the New York Barracks as quickly as SHIELD would allow, not having much in the way of personal belongings it hadn’t been very difficult. The hardest part so far had been starting the process of cleaning our Coulson’s things. 

I walked into the room Elena had been organizing and when she didn’t turn to face me and I knew something was up. It wasn’t often I found her lost in thought. 

“E? What’s up?” I tried not to startle her but her shoulders tensed at the sound nonetheless. 

“Did you know Coulson kept my recruit file? His notes?” She asked, holding up the manilla folder in her hands.

“No, but it doesn’t surprise me. He was a very...sentimental kind of guy. You were the first Agent he recruited personally.” I sat on the floor beside her. “Anything you didn’t already know in there?”

“A few things I didn’t realize SHIELD knew, they aren’t in my active file.” She shrugged, knowing neither of us were surprised to know that Coulson had allowed some parts of her to remain off the books. I peeked into the files on the floor in front of her, scraps of bold newspaper text catching my eye. ‘Wakanda teaching program cut short by assassination attempt’, ‘Local couple killed in car crash.’, ‘NM orphan receives early enrollment scholarship at 14’, ‘King T’Chaka unphased by attack, travel remains open’, ‘Assassin or government cyborg? The truth! Pg. 96’. That last one was accompanied by a crude, half man- half robot sketch under the bold ‘Enquirer’ logo. It made me smile, Coulson was nothing if not thorough.

“So are you ever going to tell me the details about that trip? I mean, i’ve got the basics. You went for the program and stayed for the job, became a badass animal researcher and poacher hunter. Met an attractive mystery man and then got recruited by SHIELD. I need details! Juicy, descriptive and possibly naughty details!” Elena knew i was joking about that last part but she blushed anyway as she put the papers back into the folder and tucked it into her bag. 

“Not today Fin.” She sighed. I wasn’t going to press but it was the only story of her’s that i didn’t know backwards and forwards. 

“Fine.” I exhaled dramatically, resigning myself to the floor beside her as I set down the last of the boxes from the basement into a pile she was labeling ‘charity’. It was mostly boxes of Coulson’s suits but there were a handful of less valuable collectables mixed in as well as most of the decor from my childhood bedroom . “Can we be done cleaning now? I’m starving and there’s frozen pizza in the freezer...and an ice cream cake.”

“What ice cream cake? I looked in there last night for something and i swear there wasn’t one.” She looked at me in disbelief and I could see the wheels turning as she tried to think of when i might have had time to sneak out on a cake run.

“It was delivered. That’s who was at the door this morning.” She looked like she was about to ask why I ordered us a cake so I answered before she had to. “I have had a standing order for a few years...I forgot to cancel it.”

It was the truth, I’d had an ice cream cake delivered to Coulson for his birthday every year since I'd become an agent. He was always home but as a lower ranking agent i couldn't have the same guarantee so i’d placed a recurring order. I waited as she put the pieces together herself, setting down the marker she had been labeling boxes with. 

“Pizza and cake sound great Fin. Put in a movie, we’ll call it a night on the responsible adulting” 

We made it down to the kitchen, making idle chat and digging in to the ice cream cake while we waited for the pizza to bake. 

“Did you know that he had a family?” Fin asked out of nowhere, we’d been talking about watching a movie once the pizza was done and she’d gone quiet. I should have known she was in her own head about something. “Peggy let it slip once, she said it was one of the reasons why she knew he would be good for...to take care of me.”

“I didn’t know that.” I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.

“Yea, he got his girlfriend pregnant before he was recruited, he married her. They were happy i think...his cover was blown on an operation and they went after his family when they couldn’t find him.” She shoved more cake into her mouth before she continued. “I think he was scared to try again, I don't think he would have. I think if he had been left to his own devices he would have made SHIELD his whole life and he would have been content with that.”

“He may have been content with that, but he was happy to have you and you know it.”

“I know. I was happy to have him too.”

  
  


**[Coulson - 06:31 Dec 1st, 2006 - WAKANDA]**

_Sweat rolled down his back under his crisp dress shirt, he had underestimated the temperature difference between Wakanda and New York. Coulson could have asked another agent to pick her up, there were several in the area after the attempted assassination of King T’Chaka, but he liked to go himself. Especially on this one. He wanted to meet his recruit in person, she was around Fin’s age and they would be able to go through course training together, as of now there weren’t any other female recruits and Fin was enough of a loner as it was, he hoped having another girl in the program, especially one with abilities, would help Fin fit in. More than that he needed to see her. It had been too long and he found himself wondering if she looked like her mother._

_He had located her camp that morning but she wasn’t there, she had left a few things so he assumed she would be back and he was a patient man. He waited a little way off, not wanting her to feel threatened coming back to her camp with a stranger present. Hours passed and he got distracted watching a herd of elephants play in the water in the distance when he heard a voice behind him._

_“Can I help you?” It was a girl's voice and held no accent to indicate she was a native, although she didn’t have the accent he had expected. She’d come to him._

_He stood, dusting off the seat of his pants as he did before turning to face her._

_“My name is Agent Coulson, you must be Elena?” He held out his hand to shake. She looked at it hesitantly for a moment before taking it and although her blonde hair and blue eyes were her mother, the look of skeptical criticism on her face was all he Father._

_“I am. What can I do for you Agent Coulson?” She pulled her hand back and crossed her arms against her chest, making no move to invite him back toward her camp. They were having this conversation here, on neutral ground._

_“I have a proposal for you actually,” he pulled a manilla folder from his jacket and unfolded it, handing it to her. She took it and he continued,” You don’t have to decide now, I work for the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division and my job is to find people with...skills that could be useful to our cause. I think you would be an ideal candidate.”_

_“S.H.I.E.L.D. has a file on me? Why?” She seemed concerned, but he couldn’t very well tell her that it was his file, not S.H.I.E.L.D.’s. Crap he was really blowing this._

_“We have a file on everyone, don’t take it personally.” he smiled, “As I said you don’t have to give me an answer now, you can review those files they should answer any questions you have better than I can and if not my card is in there, you can give me a call. We offer housing, training...if you wanted to continue your work with animals we have a great scholarship program and science division, although with your skill set I think you would be more qualified for field work than paperwork.”_

_He paused and gave her a chance to speak, she didn’t. He thought she seemed overly agitated but it wasn't his place to ask. If it was something he needed to involve himself in he would be informed and he knew she was more than capable of handling herself._

_“Do you have any questions or…”_

_“No. I...i don’t think i am interested Agent Coulson but if I change my mind,” she held up the folder but he didn't take it back. “I have your number.”_

_“Of course.” He smiled again, holding out his hand to shake.”It was a pleasure to meet you.”_

_He walked back to his jeep and drove slowly back to the airport. He checked it for missed calls before he boarded and had none. He slept on the flight back and when he landed with the same number of missed calls he started to think he had misread Ms. Elena Allen. He thought for sure she would at least be curious about the opportunity, he wasn’t sure what had made him believe that but he had. He collected his bags and walked toward the garage, normally Fin would have picked him up but she had an evaluation that morning. He had meant to talk to her beforehand to wish her luck but the time difference messed him up. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and looked at the airport clock nearby, it was early enough maybe it was Fin calling on her way in. He looked at his phone, he didn’t recognise the number but the prefix suggested a satellite phone, he answered._

_“Hello?”_

  
  


**[Elena - 21:04 July 8th, 2012 - BROOKLYN]**

Full of pizza and sweets I laid on my bed with my eyes closed, trying not to think about the file Coulson had kept on me from childhood. We had ended up watching a Mad Max marathon and my eyes were more exhausted than the rest of me. I adjusted the pillows and blankets as i looked around the room, trying not to let the mountains of boxes make me feel claustrophobic. I’d left ample space between the stacks and the guest bed but they still seemed to loom, taunting my hope that we might ever be done making this place our own. I was glad we had the time to do this and knew it was a favor most agents wouldn’t have gotten. I’d seen everyone else’s orders and transfers, they all had weeks to move to their next assignments. This was a special circumstance to let Fin take care of all the things she’d been ignoring since Coulson’s death and no one would convince me otherwise. I wanted to find out who was responsible and thank them, but that was easier said than done. In the meantime I willed my eyes closed again but couldn’t shake the feeling i was being watched. I cracked one lid open and scanned the room once more. As i had suspected there was no one, i rolled onto my side and startled myself for a moment when i caught a face in my peripheral vision. I wasn’t being watched per se, but I did have eyes on me.

I’d forgotten about the giant howling commandos poster on the far wall, partially obscured by boxes the nearly life sized figures were unsettling in the dark. I studied it for a moment, wondering if they knew how much they were changing history at the time and thinking they must have. They all looked so confident, like they knew without a doubt they were doing the right thing.

Must be nice. I doubted if i was doing the right thing an almost a daily basis.

I looked at each of them, trying to recall their names and hoping it would help me fall asleep. I hadn’t been raised with by someone with Coulson’s level of obsession and to the rest of the world the Howling commandos were just a small part of world history. The poster was a blown up image and some of the details were fuzzy but that didn’t change the fact that you could identify the faces smiling from behind their cigarettes. Dugan was always the easiest to identify, it was hard to miss that handlebar moustache. Their medic, Jim Morita stood on one side of Dugan, “Monty” Falsworth on the other, his beret making him easily identifiable as well. That left Gabriel Jones, Jacques Dernier the Frenchman, and Bucky Barnes. I wondered what stories Bucky would have to tell about our good Avenger Captain America, if their relationship was anything like Fin’s and mine. Something in my subconscious started to tickle with familiarity but before I could place the feeling I drifted off to sleep. 

**[Fin - 01:16 July 9th, 2012 - BROOKLYN]**

I couldn't sleep, it wasn't surprising. Elena had done her best to exhaust me, even offering to spar a few rounds when we finished the movies. I declined, I could tell she was tired. Hell, I was tired, but in the time we'd spent here I hadn't found a way to stop the ghosts. There weren't really ghosts, I was fairly certain, but the void of what was missing in the home where I grew up was haunting me more than any specter could. We'd spent the last few days moving things out of Coulson's room so I could move in. It made more sense than me staying in my old room and leaving Elena on the bunkbeds in the small guest room. I'd offered her Coulson's room but she insisted it was my house now, which meant it was my room. 

It didn't feel like my room. 

I laid on the bed and watched lights from the passing cars below move across the ceiling. Part of my brain expected him to walk in from the hallway and ask me what was wrong. When he was alive I only ever came to his room if something was bothering me...in a way it was why I was here now. I missed him and I knew that wasn't going to change, no matter which room of the house I was sleeping in, but this still felt unquestionably HIS. 

I got up, pulling the blanket with me as I tiptoed to the window. Prying it open as quietly as I could manage I slipped out onto the fire escape. I could have used the hall entry that went to the roof but I didn't want to risk waking Elena. I knew she would feel the need to take care of me and make sure I was alright, which I appreciated, but I just wanted to be alone. Away from people asking how I was, away from the Coulson's shadow looming over me in that room, away from everything. If I was being honest the thing I wanted most was to be away from myself but I knew that was something I couldn't outrun, so instead I climbed the metal stairs. I sat against the cinderblock structure that housed the stairs, it's roof overhanging just enough to keep me dry should the weather change. I couldn't help thinking that if I'd gone that way instead of the fire escape I would have had to face another loss that I'd been trying to avoid processing. No one knew where Lola was, but I knew where she wasn't. The top floor of the building was designed specifically for the flying car and without her walking though the empty space was a little too symbolic for my taste. I took a deep breath and leaned back, closing my eyes as I pulled the blanket around my shoulders. I imagined Lola in the garage below me, polished and under her cover. I imagined Coulson in his room, safely under his own blanket. I imagined everything like it was before. Before I lost him. Before I'd become an agent. Before my life was anything more complicated than hiding on this roof when I was mad at him for something childish. As I nodded off I imagined that sometime in the night he would find me up here and carry be back to bed. I knew I would wake up cold and uncomfortable, stiff from a night sleeping on gravel and concrete, but the half asleep part of my brain that said he was just downstairs held out hope and that was enough to send me to sleep at last. 

* * *

**[Fin - 18:30 Dec 19th - STARK TOWER]**

_Have yourself a Merry little Christmas - Judy Garland_

For some reason Elena and myself were headed to Tony’s for a small ‘pre-christmas’ get together. I still wasn’t sure how we’d managed an invite but when Elena said something about Natasha wanting us to get out more. I couldn’t argue. 

I hadn’t spoken to Tony in years, not since I had come to visit with Peggy while still adjusting to my new life. I’d imagined some semblance of a reunion when Coulson had stepped in with the ‘ironman’ situation the more time that passed the less it seemed to be in the cards. When he hadn’t even bothered to come to the funeral I decided it wasn’t worth my energy to care.

Unfortunately, Elena was a much nicer person than me so when we got a call requesting company that would understand the explosions coming from Tony’s workshop, she had agreed. After reminding me that although Tony hadn’t attended the funeral, Pepper had, and promising food and LOTS of wine I couldn’t argue. Contrary to the amount of social functions thrown by Stark industries, Pepper didn’t have a lot of friends that she could be herself around and even fewer that she could discuss Tony’s problems with. I knew that she and Coulson talked frequently and with him gone she had lost that confidant, that fact convinced me to go more than any of the others. I really didn’t know Pepper very well but Coulson liking her was a major point in her favor. 

Elena and I rode together, a quinjet with a mission nearby was kind enough to give us a lift to LA and we managed to arrive just after Natasha and Maria pulled up. I smiled seeing them, I had wondered who else may have been on the guest list. I picked up the two cases of wine we’d brought with us, it would seem excessive for most people but I'd learned in adulthood that my metabolism burned through alcohol like it was going out of style, if I wanted to maintain a buzz i would have to either drink a consistent supply or put it in an IV. 

“Ms. Potts, it appears our guests have arrived.” we heard Jarvis announce through the door and Pepper quickly let us into the foyer.

“Thank god, civilized people,” she said, by way of greeting, gesturing us into the house. I looked around for said civilized people and Pepper laughed, her shoulders relaxed a little as we made ourselves at home. Three and a half hours later, the cheese and fruit plates that had been set out were gone and we were halfway through the wine. I was glad I had brought my own supply. Pepper was a lightweight compared to her guests and sat back and enjoying the spectacle of four, normally very serious, SHIELD agents letting loose. I wasn’t sure at what point the chips had come out of the cabinet and pizza had been ordered but it was all crusts and cardboard now. We all sprawled into various states of comfort in the living room, content to be filled with grease and alcohol. 

Pepper sat in a high backed chair, her wine glass leisurely in one hand, legs crossed at the knee as foot bounced absently. She smiled and enjoyed the conversation around her. Maria and Nat, both sitting on the floor and passing a bottle of wine back and forth as they discussed take down tactics and their favorite ‘destination’ mission settings. Elena put in her two cents from the couch, alternating between me and Pepper, doing her best to make sure everyone was being included. I sat...no, sat was the wrong word. I was beside Elena on the couch, completely inverted, my head hung upside down off the seat cushion, hair cascading down onto the floor. I’d brought a crazy straw shaped like glasses from home and the chilled white wine swirled around my vision every time I took a sip. My legs were thrown over the back of the couch, crossed at the ankle. I was usually more talkative but i was enjoying listening to the conversation and not having to try very hard to be part of it.

“Truth or Dare!” Pepper suddenly leaned forward and blurted out.

Everyone looked at her in stunned silence. Maria and Nat traded glances, a wicked grin spread on Nat’s face. Elena leaned forward, opening another bottle of wine as I slurped the dregs of mine, she took a swig to bolster her courage before swapping out my empty bottle. 

“So” Nat shifted in her seat. “Are we doing this or what?”

“I didn't think people really did that” I slurred, it surprised me at first, It took work for me to get drunk enough to slur.

“that just means your first!” Pepper smiled, sliding onto the floor beside Nat. “truth or dare?” 

I took a long drink from the crazy straw and let out a small burp that tasted of grapes and pepperoni. 

“Truth I guess”

“Oooo. Let's see...what do I want to know about Fin…” she paused dramatically, taking a sip of her drink,” How old were you when you had your first kiss, and if it was someone we know, who?”

“22, Rollins” I answered without hesitation or explanation, treating the response as impersonal as if it were my rank and serial number. 

Follow up questions were asked almost simultaneously.

“22!?” from Pepper and Nat.

“Strike team Rollins!?” from Maria.

I just nodded. 

“now you go” Pepper explained.

“Oh...um…” I looked around the room ”Nat. Truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” she answered without hesitation...well shit...I wasn't prepared for this. I sat quietly for a moment before an idea struck me. I pulled my legs off the back of the couch and over my head, back flipping off the seat and landing on my feet with a slight wobble.

“Back in a sec” I announced before disappearing outside. I returned, holding a bundle of circuitry and wires in one hand and already feeling more sober than I had when I'd left. 

“I dare you to sneak down and put this on Tony’s workbench where he will think it is something he was working on but can't remember what it was for. If Pepper wouldn't mind letting Jarvis in on the joke that would be ideal.” 

Pepper laughed and agreed as Nat stood, taking the jumble from me.

As she walked out Elena asked, “What was that anyway?”

“No clue, saw it in the trash when we came in.” I grinned. 

Natasha returned, no alarms had gone off, no angry Tony, mission success. 

I sat back down, this time right side up.

“You know that’s going to drive him absolutely crazy.” Pepper smiled as Natasha sat, taking the wine bottle back from Maria.

“Elena. Truth or dare”

“truth”

“where is the weirdest place you ever had sex?”

Elena’s cheeks reddened. “I can’t really answer that…” she trailed off. 

“Would you take a dare as consequence?” Nat grinned wolfishly. 

“I think not. I haven’t had enough to drink to do whatever you might think of...I can’t answer, not really. I haven’t. The closest I've come was in an RV in Africa…”

“Wait,” Maria leaned forward, “you mean...the closest you’ve come to having sex in a weird place...right?”

Elena turned a deeper shade. “No. I mean-”

“REALLY?” Nat exclaimed before Elena could finish her sentence. “Never? Never ever?”

“What about you, Fin?” NAT asked.

“Wait, what? That's not how it works.” I protested.

Elena turned to me. “truth or dare.”

“dare.” I answered, not wanting the truth question Nat had inspired. Elena smiled. Uh oh.

“I dare you to tell us everyone you have had sex with and where.”

“That is cheating…” I mock glared at her.

“No, that is a legal loophole. Go ahead.” She smirked, knowing the answer to the question already. If answering helped take the creepy sex topic spotlight off of her I could take that bullet, especially when the information they were trying to pry from her involved a story i hadn’t been able to pull out of her. We’d been partners and friends for going on six years and I'd only gotten snippets of the tale. 

“Fine. Rollins, in the barracks. Very romantic, I know.” They all waited. “that's it. I have only kissed and slept with one person. And you all know him. And he is a huge asshole…”

“He is hot though” Maria interjected. “details?”

I took a long drink. 

“He does it like a jackrabbit and he cries after...or should at least. It was really bot great. Well, this has been fun. Let’s play a new game.” I finished the bottle with a hiccup “Pepper! Fuck, Marry, Kill. Um...Loki, Vanko, or...Hammer!”

“EW” Pepper cringed. “I guess...ugh...kill Hammer...um...i guess fuck Loki and marry Vanko?”

“Really? Marry whiplash?” Maria asked,” I know Loki is a grade A douche canoe but he is a prince. Marry into royalty and fuck the russian. Kill Hammer, that guy is a prick.”

“I mean, he cared about his bird so he could probably care about a person, right?” She took another drink as though she needed to rinse the conversation from her mouth before speaking again. “Alright, fine. Fuck, Marry, Kill. Happy. Rhodes, Tony.”

I caught my spit take in time for the wine to only dribble down my chin, I wiped it away as I swallowed and said without hesitation, ”Kill Tony, Fuck Rhodes and marry Happy.”

Nat spoke up, “Kill Happy, Fuck Rhodes, Marry tony for the money.”

“Hey!” Pepper smacked her jokingly. 

“Sorry! You can keep Tony for love i swear.” She smiled. 

Pepper laughed, “Not that, don't kill happy. I like Happy.” We all laughed then. Suddenly Natasha looked at Elena and Me, eyes going between the two pointedly as she said. “OK. Elena. Fuck, marry, kill. Rumlow, Sitwell, Rogers.”

Elena laughed answering,” Kill Sitwell, Fuck Rumlow and Marry Rogers.”

Nat turned to me. “Rumlow, Rollins, Rodgers?” Everyone looked at Me and i felt my cheeks get warm, i put the wine down.

“Come on” Nat jeered,” you have to SAY it.”

“Fine You couldn’t pay me to fuck Rollins again so kill him...Fuck Rumlow and Marry Captain Rogers.”

“OH, CAPTAIN Rogers,” Nat teased, Maria and pepper giggled. I rolled my eyes and changed my mind about cutting myself off. 

“Speaking of CAPTAIN Rogers, Rumor is he’s Putting his own team together. He’s been bouncing between units since New York. Fury Finally gave him the OK.” Maria said calmly, still putting more emphasis on captain than needed while making eye contact with me. 

“I thought that was need to know information?” Nat asked. 

“It is, but think everyone here qualifies...maybe not Pepper but Tony tells her everything and he knows everything since he has Jarvis scan the systems.”

Pepper looked surprised that Maria knew about Tony’s scanning but the shock wore off quickly once she realized no one cared. 

“Do we know who he’s pulling?” Elena asked. She and I had been running a two person team since we became agents, smaller teams meant smaller jobs and the prospect of being brought onto a larger team was exciting. We had been working under Natasha since Coulson had died and it had been going well so far.

Maria looked at Nat, “Well? Any inside information? You and Rumlow are the only two names i have. He hasn’t signed anyone else on yet.”

“He asked us both for recommendations. I think Rumlow is just bringing the Strike team, it’s a smaller outfit. I gave him a couple of names but i don’t know if he will take my suggestions.”

“If he has been asking you then we can assume you are on the team?” Elena asked. 

Nat shrugged, “I take my orders from Director Fury, but if he doesn’t have anything for me to do then i agreed to back up Rogers.”

“If Rumlow is bringing his team who are you bringing?” Pepper asked, not the only one noticing that Nat was dancing around the question but the only one to say it out loud. 

“I’m not bringing in anyone...I just let him know that I work alone. And that when i don’t work alone i work with these two.” She gestured to the couch. 

Jarvis’s voice came over the living room speaker. “Agent Hill, Mrs. Potts informed me that you requested a taxi be called for you no later than 1am. It is now 12:57. Do you still require taxi service or will you be staying with us?”

Maria answered him aloud. “Thank you Jarvis, and yes. Taxi please.”

“Crap, our lift back should have been here hours ago.”Elena groaned. 

“That’s my fault.” Natasha apologized. “ I told them I would take you, i have to be back on the east coast tomorrow anyway.”

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” I interrupted, holding my head in my hands.

“What?” Elena asked, assuming something was wrong. 

“Have you checked your phone?”

“No, why?” Elena asked. I didn’t answer, I just gestured for Elena to do so. She picked up her phone, the screen telling her that it was in fact nearly 1 am. There was also a notification that she had a message, she checked it and i saw her expression change as comprehension dawned. The message was from Director Nick Fury informing both her and I that we were to report for an aptitude test at 5 am. He didn’t specify why but seeing the look on our faces Nat grinned wickedly.

Great. Tryouts for team Captain America and we were going to show up sleep deprived, jet lagged, and smelling like we bathed in wine. At least this time I wouldn't have frozen and wearing Nat’s lingerie in a russian warehouse. It’s really the little things in life. 


	7. Ready, Set, Let's Go

**[Fin - 04:45 Dec 20th - PROVING GROUNDS]**

_ Ready or Not - Mischa Chillak _

We had arrived to the course 15 minutes early, Natasha was already there and talking to a tall blonde guy with his back to us. I didn’t see Rumlow but I assumed he would arrive with the strike team and they would make an unnecessarily dramatic entrance to compensate for their small penises. I laughed to myself and Elena shot me a concerned glance, I waved her off still laughing nervously. I shook my head, this was serious I needed to pull myself together. I jogged closer to Elena. 

“It’s been awhile since we’ve run this course, still remember?” I asked, trying to make conversation to distract myself from the nerves and the chill in the air. Luckily is was still unseasonably warm for December at 64 degrees.

“I think we can manage, what do you say we try for a personal best?” she smiled, knowing that if she made it a competition with myself and not the entire strike team i wouldn’t over think my every move.

“Sounds good to me. I know a couple of the strike guys have decent solo runs of the main course but i’m not sure if they’ve ever run this one.”

“That should work out in our favor.”

“I hope so.” I sighed, feeling less tense than i had getting out of the car. She reached over and squeezed my wrist reassuringly as we approached, Natasha nodding as she spotted us over the blonde’s shoulder. 

“Hey guys, this is Captain Rogers,” the man turned toward us as she spoke, “Cap this is Agent”

“Allen.” he interrupted. “I remember meeting you in New York.” he smiled, it was a genuine smile that touched his eyes and my brain flashed sepia tone images of a scrawny kid from brooklyn in my mind for reference. I felt the nerves creep back in alongside the realization that if I messed up today I would be messing up in front of my dad’s idol...no pressure.

“There was also the Russian rescue op, although you might not recognize them with clothes on.” Nat grinned, watching Caps face go red. I knew she’d said it to make him uncomfortable but I didn’t need to look to know that mine and Elena's’s faces were similar shades. He cleared his throat.

“I remember, I just didn’t get a chance to talk to them then so I wasn't sure they would remember.” He smiled again, looking away as though we were still inappropriately dressed at the moment.

“Well we typically wear clothes when left to our own devices.” Elena spoke sweetly but the look she was giving Nat told her she was not helping. “We didn’t let Nat dress us today so we should be fine.”

“Nice right hook, by the way.” It took me a second to realize he was talking to me. “I’m sorry, i never got your name. Is it Agent Coulson? You’re his daughter right?”

“Yes, but Fin is fine...What right hook?” I asked, i didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Right,” he chuckled, “I was there when you punched Loki in the face. I gotta say, I was more than a little jealous.”

“Oh, that. Thanks i think.” I tried to smile but in my mind I was thinking that if he saw me punch Loki he also saw me break down sobbing right after, so I could add that to the list right after panty rescue for reasons he might not want us on his team.

“She worked really hard to make Coulson proud, she’s one of the best Agents I've worked with.” Natasha nodded at me, “And Elena is just as good, that’s why they work so well together, they understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and there isn’t a power struggle. Most two person teams don't function properly but they’ve made it work for almost 6 years now.”

“So this is what it feels like to be pimped out…” I said it quietly but they all heard. Captain america choked a little and Elena elbowed my arm but Nat just laughed. Before I could say anything else to mortify my partner she nudged my arm and motioned to the street. I turned and saw two black, lifted tactical trucks roaring closer. Men in black fatigues rode standing in the back, all of them with resting bitch faces thoroughly plastered on. Nat leaned between Elena and i and whispered,

“Do you think they’re compensating for something?” 

“Definitely.” Elena and I answered in unison.

The trucks parked and the testosterone unloaded one body at a time. Rumlow shouted orders and they began to line up at the start of the course. There were a couple of familiar faces, newer recruits like Elena and myself, but the majority were guys with at least ten years on strike team. Natasha motioned for us to join them in line when Rumlow walked up to her and Cap. Rumlow handed Cap a starter pistol and looked at the line up expectantly but instead of pulling the trigger he turned to Nat and started talking. 

We stood, crouched at the starting line of the course, waiting for the ok to go. I tried to keep my eyes on the first obstacle but i kept looking over at the three senior agents, looking for a sign that we were about to be released. I couldn’t even tell if they were talking or just watching us wait, I thought about asking Elena but I kept getting distracted by the chatter behind me. One of the guys was whispering but the person he was talking didn’t have the same courtesy and spoke loud enough to be sure i heard my name.

“Yea Fin is hot from this angle, I mean who doesn’t like a nice ass, but she is a wet blanket in the sac. Talk about boring.” 

I recognized the voice. Rollins. They only Agent that ever successfully tricked me into thinking he cared about me when all he wanted was “i fucked coulson’s ward” bragging rights. Great, i hoped he wouldn’t make the cut and for a moment I wondered if Rumlow only picked him for today to get under my skin. I rolled my eyes. 

“Ignore him.” Elena advised “he is trying to bug you so you mess up.” 

“I know.” I said, looking at Cap, Nat and Rumlow in my peripheral and hoped they couldn't hear him, all the while i wished that i couldn’t either. Rollins had graduated from actual words to making feigned dramatic grunts and sex noises to my left. I stood up straight, looking over the other runners and throwing my hands up at him in disbelief. Although she stayed in her runners starting position I heard Elena say “Rollins, you do know this is a long distance endurance race, right?”

He looked at her confused and I laughed getting back into a starting crouch before saying, loud enough for him to hear clearly. “oh, that may have been too subtle. Let me translate. What she meant to say was, if you aren't going to be able to go more than 2 minutes you may as well stand here at the start with your dick in your hand, apologizing. That's how you normally finish, right?”

**BANG!**

Someone chose that exact moment to start the course and I took off toward the tires laughing. Rollins was left at the start in stunned silence, I didn't look back.

  
  


**[Steve - 05:10 Dec 20th 2012 - PROVING GROUNDS]**

I’d wanted to see what would happen to the group if we made them wait for the start. it’s as important to know how well people do when they have to hang back as it is knowing how they perform in combat. For the most part they all waited in a runner's stance, quiet and patient, but when one of the strike team started making lewd comments at the agent in front of him i nearly pulled him out of tryouts that second. When I'd moved to do so Nat stopped me, telling me to see how it got handled and to only step in if it got out of hand. I agreed, expecting the jerk to be handled the same way Agent Fin Coulson had handled Loki, with a quick punch to the face. What i hadn’t expected was how she actually handled it. 

_ “If you aren't going to be able to go more than 2 minutes you may as well stand here at the start with your dick in your hand, apologizing. That's how you normally finish, right?” _

I hadn’t realized that i’d squeezed the trigger on the starting pistol until i saw them all take off. It must not have been what the Jerk had expected either because he was still standing at the starting line, although that was the only part of the instruction he was following, thankfully. Nat stepped beside me. 

“That was a little premature, wasn’t it Cap?” She asked, the corner of her lips twitching up in a grin. I cleared my throat and watched the chaos, hoping my face wasn’t as red as it felt.

Everyone had made it past the first two obstacles, a high step tire run and a muddy low crawl under barbed wire. The third obstacle was a 30 degree slick wall and everyone trying to climb it alone was failing, which was the point. Covered in mud from the second obstacle the wall was meant to encourage teamwork. Most of the strike team were taking turns making running starts at the wall and jumping for the lip with the momentum, but the wall was too high for that. I saw one man had taken off his muddy shirt and was trying to use his own skin for traction. On the far side of the course i saw Fin with her back against the wall, her knees bent in a half squat using the wall to hold her up. Elena stepped on her partner's thigh and then onto her shoulders before Fin straightened her legs and clasped her hands together above her head. Elena got her feet onto Fin’s hands and she pushed her friend as high as she could. Elena still had to jump a little to reach the lip but she managed to pull herself up. She didn’t pull herself over, instead she put the apex of the wall to her chest and locked her elbows on the far side, holding tight. Fin turned and made a running jump at her partner’s legs, using them to climb to the top as they helped each other over. They were the first to make it to obstacle four. The only way get down from the wall was to run down the narrow planks which were only fastened in one place, the center of the length. However that point was on a fulcrum and as soon as you stepped on the tall end you would drop into the water and have to climb the wall again. I looked back, a few of the Strike team that had seen the girls make it over the wall were copying their technique and catching up quickly. When i looked back to the other side of the wall Elena had already made it to the other side and was sitting on the bottom of the board to keep it from dropping Fin, who i assume held the top while her partner ran down. Fin’s feet hit the dry dirt and took off to the over/under portion of the course helping each other over the blue bars and pulling each other quickly under the red. I heard a splash and looked back to see the first guy face plant into the mud below the planks. Natasha nudged me a little with her elbow and gave me an ‘I told you so’ wink as the first pair of guys made it across the plank, finally realizing that going at this solo wasn’t going to get them anywhere. The rest of the strike team was finally at the over/under sprint as Fin and Elena flew through the rope climb and tire swing, they were working on the rock climbing wall now and only had one obstacle to go. They were slowing down but they were still ahead of the pack enough that I didn't worry about them and tried to concentrate on the rest, knowing that I needed ten people for my team and only having two that had earned spots at this point. 

I heard screams followed immediately by the two rings of the bell and a few seconds later the twin splashes that meant the first Agents had jumped the 6 feet out to the bell and dropped the 50 feet into the water below, all the had left was to swim to the shore and make the half mile sprint through the small wooded park. More bells rang followed by splashes, although none of the strike team’s jumps were accompanied by the screams of joy as the first two had been. I couldn’t help but smile, I liked that this was fun for them, it was easy to trust people who enjoyed their jobs to actually do their jobs and do them well. I heard laughing from the opposite side of the lot and turned to see the women running out of the treeline. Both of them seemed to have lost their shoes at some point but they’d finished so it didn’t really matter. Nat ran up to meet them, giving them both high fives as they finished the course. 

“Nice job ladies.” I called as they sat on the ground a few feet away. Agent Allen nodded as she downed a bottle of water and Agent Coulson gave me a double thumbs up from a laying down flat on her back position before shouting,

“LET 'S.GO.AGAIN!” between inhales. Agent Allen slapped at her lightly. I turned back to the course, watching the rest of the runners and counting in my head how many times the bell rang, knowing i only needed ten and wanting to put the men still struggling with the course out of their misery. Behind me I heard Nat talking to her recruits. 

“What happened to your shoes?”

“Lake. Running. Wet shoes. Bad, faster barefoot.” I couldn't tell which of the women answered but I was impressed that they had done the entire sprint barefoot. 

More runners were coming out of the trees now and I realized I'd lost count of the bells and would have to count as they ran in. The first men to run out where the first two that had started copying the women, one of them had twisted something on the run and the other was helping them finish. Good, I liked to see agents refusing to leave team mates behind. When they got closer I asked them to sit with the women. The fifth person out was the guy who had been harassing Agent Fin at the start line and I felt my teeth grind. He sat with the rest without instruction but kept her on the opposite side of the group. I watched as Agent Allen positioned herself squarely between the two.

“Agent Allen, can i have a word?” She looked at me, startled. “Nat, keep count. First 11 across the line.” Nat nodded and took the spot I had previously occupied as I led Elena away from the crowd. 

“Agent Allen,” I started, but she cut me off. 

“Elena is fine, sir.”

“Elena. Can you give me an unbiased explanation about what’s happening with those two?” I motioned in the direction of the growing group, i didn’t want to keep a man off the team over a lovers spat so i needed to know what the situation was. 

“Yes sir. He was in the same recruiting class as us, acted really sweet and nice the whole time and kept flirting with Fin... and she finally agreed to go out with him. They went out a few times, she hadn’t really dated before, and he kept pressuring her…” she stopped, looking over her shoulder at her friend, unsure how much to say. 

“Go on.” I looked over her shoulder at Rollins who was whispering to anyone who would listen about, i can only guess what.

“Right.” Elena continued. “So, he convinced her that they should...and they did...and the next day he was telling everyone about how he deflowered Agent Coulson’s daughter. He just did it for the bragging rights and when no one cared about that anymore he started telling everyone that she was bad at it...although he’s not winning any awards from what i’ve heard.” Elena’s face turned red, “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate.”

I smiled awkwardly. “This became inappropriate when he got here this morning, it’s not on you. Go back and sit down, once everyone’s finished you’ll be free to go. You two had a spot on the team after the first wall.”

She smiled and walked back to her friend, whispering to her as she sat. Based on Fin’s reaction I assumed Elena had told her about making the team, not the rest of our conversation. Seeing the excitement on her face I wondered if she shared her Father’s trading card collection’ and if i would regret choosing her. She had been professional so far and I only hoped if she was a fan like Coulson Sr had been, she could keep it low key.

I decided to get back to the matter at hand, I didn’t want to tell Rumlow that one of his guys that finished best wasn’t going to make the team, but I also didn’t want a person on the team that couldn’t be trusted. Several others had finished the course and taken seats. I let them all catch their breath and drink some water before I approached. 

“Thank you all for coming out, Agents Romanoff and Rumlow, any of your recruits that have not finished the course can go, the agents who are sitting here will need their files to me by day’s end. I will make final selections and send word by friday one way or the other. You are dismissed.”

I tried to keep it brief and open, not wanting an argument in front of everyone with any individuals that might not make the team. Nat grabbed my elbow to get my attention. 

“That went well, nice job Cap.” she smiled, clearly thrilled her two choices had passed the test with flying colors. 

“Yea, lets just hope they all do as well in a real situation.”

  
  


**[Steve - 10:00 Jan 4, 2013 - D.C. HQ]**

Fury had asked me to meet him in his office but wouldn’t tell me why, not that he usually told my why but his lack of any detail had me suspicious and I assumed it was something more serious than discussing my team. He had asked me to sit as soon as I arrived, I was glad I had when he told me that Peggy was alive. 

“She saw you on the news...New York was hard to keep quiet. She's been asking for you...Rogers?” Fury asked.

“I didn't even ask…” I looked up at him. “it had been so long, i just assumed. I should have known before now.”

“We didn't know if we should tell you, knowing you would want to go see her...in her current state her family was concerned how seeing you might affect her.”

“Peggy’s always been a strong woman, no matter her age I doubt seeing me will give her a heart attack.” I was annoyed that the choice was being made for us my third parties.

“it's not like that cap, she was diagnosed with dementia a few years back...some days she doesn't remember the person she was or the things she's been through. Her family and caretakers are concerned that you might trigger something in her and cause her to have a mental break. Her mind is already fragile.” 

I couldn't picture a fragile version of Peggy Carter.

“What happens if her family is right, what if I go and she breaks? How am I supposed to live with that?” I looked at the floor between my shoes, I felt numb and nauseous at the same time and I could see my knuckles turning white where I had them clasped in front of me.

“She thought you were dead for seventy years and is asking to see you. How can you live with yourself if you don’t?”

I knew he was right but it didn't reassure me.

* * *

**[Elena - 09:00 March 21st, 2013 - DONALDSON RUN]**

The initial months in D.C. were quiet, but we kept busy making ourselves comfortable in our modest apartment. Our first assignment had come in but all the message had said was 9 am, bring a change of clothes, no tac-gear just gym clothes, and be prepared to run. I disliked running, there were other things I hated more and when I was able to run wherever and however I liked i enjoyed the freedom but this? This was a run, with a group, in a big loop and I was dreading it. Fin was hopping up and down beside me and I suspected that, even tho i’d told her not to, she had decided on a second cup of coffee. At least after this morning’s training she should have it out of her system. 

“So, what paces do you think he’ll put us through? It’s our first time all in once place since tryouts and that just showed how well we could navigate the course...Are you thinking they will turn this into an endurance run? Whoever survives the miles gets rewarding with some more work just to see how far they can go?” No answer. “Fin?” I looked directly at her, she was still bouncing and looking off to our left where a small group was forming, the rest of our team. 

“Fin? What are you looking at? Did you hear me? I asked you a question?

“But”

That was her only response. ‘But’. Okay...how much coffee did she have exactly? She’d gone monosyllabic on me. 

“But what, Fin? Use your words.” 

She nodded in the direction of the crowd and said. 

“No, BUTT.” I regretted not having a second cup of coffee myself when I realized how long it took me to sort out what she was saying. I looked in the direction of her nod to see a guy in navy running pants bending down to tie his shoe. Part of me wanted to lecture her for ogling because if someone was staring at her ass while she tied her shoes she would throw a knife at them to show her thanks, but instead I tilted my head and appreciated the view. It was a nice view, sue me. Once Fin had noticed that i had noticed she leaned toward me and said in a low tone. “I vote we run behind that guy the whole time, hello carrot.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re a pervert?” I laughed, looking at her incredulously. 

“Not to my face.” She smiled. 

“I’m going to have a word with Peggy about her life choice to let Tony babysit you at an impressionable age.” I shook my head, looking back at the group. The shoe tying guy had straightened and I recognized him. “Well i think you may get your wish. I don’t think your carrot is going to have an issue staying in front of you.” She took a step toward me to get an angle that she could see his face, when she did hers went red. “What’s wrong? Feel dirty objectifying a national treasure?”

“That’s not fair, he should have to wear flags at all times...for...i don’t know, safety reasons.”

“Safety reasons?” 

“Yea, like...what if he falls and can’t get up, way easier to spot old glory in a ditch” her face was deadpan. 

“You should tell him that, that’s useful information.” She started to form a rebuttal when a loud whistle pierced the air and diverting our attention. 

“Alright gentlemen, ladies” he nodded in our direction, “We’re going to warm up with a little run this morning. The goal is to run the perimeter, i will take you to the first fork but your on your own from there. Go at your own pace this isn’t a race so don’t feel like you need to keep up. I believe in trusting the people i work with so stick to the outer path, no shortcuts, this team works on the honor system. We’ll finish the run and play the rest of the morning by ear, today is more about me getting to know all of you and trying to determine where your strengths and weaknesses are.” He stopped and looked around, no one had anything to add. “Let’s go then. Follow me.”

He took off at a slow jog, the former members of the Strike team falling in behind him, Fin and I brought up the rear. Halfway through the first minute and i thought Fin’s eyes were going to fall out if she rolled them any harder, going at a jog was frustrating for her but being at the back of the pack was killing her. She would never admit it but she was competitive, she wasn’t much traditional competition but if you put her in a training situation and in front of a superior officer and the ‘need to please’ overrode her normally relaxed demeanor. We finished the first lap and heard Captain Rogers’ voice from the front of the pack. 

“Ok, If you look there is a map here at the fork so you know the route, I’ll meet you all back at HQ as you finish, we have Gym 15 for the day. I expect you showered and ready for round two asap, understood?”

“SIR, YES SIR!” The strike team yelled. Fin and i just looked at each other, this whole group thing was going to take some getting used to. 

We all kept running, I was happy to see that the path we were on was actually a hiking trail off the main road. The scenery distracted me enough that I almost didn’t notice the distance between us and Captain Rogers growing by the second. Something told me he was still holding back, but he was far enough ahead that the Strike team was having trouble keeping pace. Fin looked over at me, i could see the question in her eyes. 

“Fine, go. Abandon me!”

“Are you sure?” I knew that she wouldn’t leave if I asked her to stay with me, but I would have to hear her pout the whole twelve miles and this was bad enough. 

“Yes, go. But help me cut through the strike team first. I need to be in front of them so if you get a look at Cap’s ass again and faint I can keep them from trampling you.”

“You are hilarious.” Funny, her voice didn’t sound amused as she grabbed my wrist, steering the through the barrage of men. She didn’t need to physically bring me with her but I was glad pulling me was the option she went with, I had been worried that when i had made the suggestion she would ‘make a path’ instead. We passed them and we got several paces ahead before she let go. 

“Remember to pace yourself!” I shouted to her as she ran ahead, I hoped she would remember that being first in the race was less important than not letting the entire team know she could out run Captain America. 

  
  


**[Steve - 09:04 March 21st, 2013 - DONALDSON RUN]**

_ Run - Foo Fighters _

I wasn’t running at my normal pace, i wanted to keep them close enough that I could hear if anything happened but i still didn’t expect anyone to keep up. I was surprised to hear footsteps coming up fast and turned my head enough to see Agents Coulson and Allen halfway between myself and the bulk of the team, Allen had hit an even relaxed gate and seemed to be having no trouble maintaining is as Coulson picked up pace. I heard Allen telling Coulson to pace herself as the latter agent left her behind to catch up with me. 

“Agent Coulson.”

“Captain.” she smiled, pulling ahead just enough to technically be in front of me but not enough for me to feel like I was behind her. 

“Agent Coulson, you aren’t trying to beat me are you? Because this isn’t a race.”

“Of course not, Sir.” I could tell she’d almost forgotten the ‘sir’, not that I expected it but i was technically her boss. 

“Good to hear.”’

“I wouldn’t want to race you anyway.” She pulled a little further ahead, still technically beside me. Was she really trying to bait me into a race? 

“Oh yea? Why’s that?” I grinned, “Worried your pride can’t take the loss?”

She grinned back and for some reason I felt like I'd been led into a trap. 

“No, my pride would survive winning but I would always wonder if you had let me win and that would bother me more.”

“Let you win?” I balked. 

“Of course!” She said as though i shouldn’t be so surprised. “I mean, what is Captain America if not a gentleman, and a gentleman always insists on ladies first.”

“I don’t know who’s been telling you these lies.” I laughed, feigning shock. “ Captain America is a perfect gentleman, that’s true, But Steve Rogers is a firm believer that you get what you work for. I won’t let you win, even if you are a lady.”

“Noted...So, you’re saying you think you would win.” It wasn’t a question and she fell back a little, drawing even with me again.

“Yes.” I grinned. “Not that it matters... since it’s-”

“Not a race?” She finished for me. “You know, I think it was Shakespeare who said--”

“Thou dost protest too much?’ I guessed before she could finish. She shook her head. 

“No, i was going to paraphrase King Lear and go with, ‘Put your money where your mouth is.”

She passed me, keeping pace ahead but not so fast as to leave me behind. I couldn’t tell if she was actually trying to outpace me or if she was toying with me to see if I would take the bait. As long as she was still in my sites i would be able to catch up, I had no doubt, but it would be irresponsible for me to chase her, right? It wasn’t a race, even if she finished before me it didn’t mean I lost because there wasn’t a winner. I was struggling with the decision so much i hadn’t heard Agent Allen catch up until she spoke. 

“You know, if you don’t catch her you’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Really? I didn’t peg her for someone who would gloat.”

“Oh, she won’t. I can’t say the same about them.” I nodded to the group of men keeping pace behind me.

“Right. .”

“You do have that super soldier reputation to uphold. Besides, if me telling you that you should not let her win is the excuse you need to actually race her, so be it. You know you want to.”

I hadn’t realized i was so transparent. 

“Is there really a part in King Lear where he says ‘put your money where your mouth is’?” I asked. She laughed. 

“I think the actual line is something like, ‘Speak less than you know; have more than you show’, but I could see how that could translate into ‘actions speak louder than words’.”

“Huh.” I grinned and caught up to Agent Coulson.

  
  


**[Elena - 9:24 March 21st, 2013 - GYM 15]**

“I let” she sucked in a ragged breath “him win.” Fin was laying on the cold bathroom tile of the gym showers, she may have held back but she still broke a sweat and her sprint to the shower from the park had her sucking in breath. I knew she would be fine in a minute and let her talk. 

“Uh huh.” It’s not that i didn’t believe her, she had gone easy on him. I just wasn’t really listening. I was trying to shower and get out, the last thing we needed as the only two women on the team was to give the guys a reason to give us shit about how long it takes women to get ready. I heard her start the water in the stall next to me and went back to my train of thought. The gym we were in held mostly sparring mats, there was other equipment sure but this one had the least. I was expecting the next part of our day to be sparring and that was fine with me. Being the only two women on the team, unless Nat showed up, Fin and I were likely to be paired off with each other and she and i sparred about once a week. I felt the hot water releasing the tension in my back and soothe the aching in my legs from the run, i allowed myself to count to ninety and enjoy the stream before getting out to dress and face the rest of the day. 

  
  


**[Steve - 9:36 March 21st, 2013 - GYM 15]**

_ Ready Set Let’s Go - Sam Tinnesz _

The ladies were the first redressed and back into the gym, no surprise there. Agent Coulson had been on my heels the entire run and Agent Allen wasn’t ever out of sight behind us. They found a mat by the wall and sat, stretching their legs and talking quietly. I mentally started pairing off the team members to spar and realized that with me sitting out there was going to be an odd number, i could either have them rotate into groups of two and three or i could let them rotate out one at a time. As the first men filed out of the showers i caught the women out of the corner of my eye and realized they would expected to be put together on a mat, being the only females. I decided that setting up pairs they wouldn’t expect would be the best way to see what they were made of. I waved the first two guys to a mat, and the next two and the next two. The last, the odd guy out and the last to finish his run, was a big guy built for power not speed. I motioned him to one of the last mats and spoke. 

“Sköll, Hatí.” I used their code names, trying to get in the habit. I glanced over for the first time in a few minutes and caught them both mid stretch, Elena, was facing me and had her hands above her head arching her back and Fin had her hands on her toes, bent forward and looking at me through her legs. My eyes lingered longer that they should have and i mentally chastised myself as turned back to the solo man, recalling that his name was agent Bronson. “Since we have an odd number i’m going to have you two take turns with Bronson. If i see anyone else starting to tire out i will be pulling people out and putting in others as i walk around so fight like you mean it but stay aware of your surroundings. If i call for you i don’t care if you’re in a leg lock or holding one, you get off the mat. If i tell you to jump in, you jump in. If i say stop you stop. Understood?”

“YES SIR!” All the men shouted in response, two female voices, less aggressive than the others piped up beside me. I turned to them. 

“So who’s first?” I gestured to Agent Bronson waiting on the mat and realized I couldn't remember if he had a code name or what it might be. I also wasn’t sure how this would go, both women were small and quick but Bronson was a brick shit house of power and mass. I hoped I wasn't going to get them hurt but having talked to Bronson a few times i expected him not to aim for knockouts. The women were on their third round of rock paper scissors, having tied the first two. Elena threw out Scissors and Fin Rock. 

“Yes! First blood will be mine!.” She smiled and Elena rolled her eyes as her friend stepped onto the mat. I signaled for the rest of the group to begin, they did but i could tell their attention was on the David and Goliath fight as much as their own. Fin wasn’t tall, she was taller than Elena although not as slender. Where Elena was slim and covered in lean muscle Fin looked softer somehow, it wasn’t in her expression...no, right now that was downright scary, She had curves that hid the muscle she had and made you think that maybe her wicked smile was a bluff. The look on Bronson’s face said he was counting on it being a bluff and I felt sorry for him for a moment. I wasn’t sure how this would end but the lady was facing a 6’4”, 250 pound opponent and seemed thrilled, which made me think she wasn’t worried. 

Bronson charged her, she didn’t move. She didn’t move to dodge or duck, she just lowered her torso and moved her weight to her toes. The man lunged to grapple and she dropped straight down, sweeping a leg around and knocking him sideways before using her forward motion to pull herself behind him. She threw punches at his kidneys from behind until he spun around and tried to grab her again, his hand wrapped around her forearm and I couldn't tell if he made her look small or she made him look big. She spun in his grip and used his mass against him as she threw him over her shoulder. The big man landed with a crash and the temporary silence that filled the gym told me the sound had distracted the other agents. I clapped. 

“Nicely done Hati.” I said loud enough for everyone in the room to hear as she helped Bronson to his feet. He was laughing. “Bronson, ready for another round?”

The big man nodded and his first combatant came to stand beside me as his next walked onto the mat with her chin held high to meet his eyes. Bronson smiled a friendly giant smile and i could see the laugh in his eyes. Elena grinned back and I could swear her teeth looked sharper. 

“Try not to hurt me Allen.” he chuckled, but the confidence he’d had before his round with her partner wasn’t there. 

“Don’t worry Bronson, i won’t go for your kidneys like Fin did...only your pride.” Her smile widened and she jumped at Agent Bronson’s face, her shoulder hitting his throat as her knee hit his chest, the big man grabbed her gasping and threw her off. She landed, catching herself in a three point landing with only a second to spare before the big man barrelled toward her. She barely dodged out of the way but he misjudged his momentum and over shot. She brought her leg around as he passed and slammed it into his Achilles tendon, he stumbled. She got to her feet and shoved him off balance, when he leaned forward she stepped on his knee and threw her other around his neck before tossing herself backwards. The momentum was enough to throw the already unbalanced man off his center of gravity and they both fell. I heard her breath comes out in a sharp huff as he fell on her but she didn’t let go.

I must have looked surprised at how quickly she’d taken him down because Fin spoke from beside me. 

“Though she be but little, she is fierce.” I could see the cheshire cat smile on her face without turning toward her. 

“Do you always speak in shakespeare quotes?”

“No...I just wasn’t sure you would understand any more recent cultural references.”

“Is that so?” I couldn’t decide if she was messing with me or not.

“Hmmmm,” she laughed and turned back to the fight, Bronson’s face was bright red and Elena must have hit his face at some point because his nose was bleeding but he hadn’t tapped out and he was still trying to get leverage on the petite blonde. 

“You know, it’s typically frowned upon to tease a superior officer.” I tried to sound serious but i could feel the corner of my mouth twitching up in a grin.

“So i’ve heard.” 

“Are we going to have a problem?”

“No need to be so hard-boiled Cap,” she smiled without looking in my direction, putting on a voice that mimicked a radio announcer from my childhood.

“Wise guy.” I accused, responding to the familiar slang term she’d tossed out. 

“Better a hotsy-totsy wise guy that a dumb dora.”

“Ok...now it’s weird.” I laughed. on the one hand, I appreciated the familiar slang, but coming from a woman who I'd just seen drop a guy twice her size and who was the opposite of everything I pictured a lady from my day being, it was jarring to say the least. 

“Yeah, I kind of felt that.” 

Elena came over to our side of the mat, sweating and a little bruised but the blood on her tank top wasn’t hers. She put her hand on Fin’s shoulder. 

“Tag, you’re it.”

“Actually let's give Bronson a break” I spoke as fin stepped up, bouncing.

I looked around the room, there were ten people on the team if I counted myself and only two were women. Bronson and I watched as the remaining six men men seemed very focused on their own matches, none of them wanting to volunteer to bruise their egos. 

“Well, I guess if we have no volunteers it’s ladies choice. I think you’ve earned it.” I folded my arms and stepped back, giving the women an uninterrupted view of the room. Fin leaned over and whispered something I couldn't make out into Elena’s ear, both smiled when she pulled away and Elena nodded. 

“Bronson, who do you want to partner up with for your next match?” Fin asked as the big man wiped blood from his nose. 

“I’ll take Tucker.” he nodded across the room. Tucker was the only other man on the team that was anywhere near the bulk that was Agent Bronson, although he was about a food shorter. I nodded and the men found a mat, waiting for the girls to pick their next fights. Fin crossed her arms, mirroring my gesture as Elena stepped up. 

“We’ll take the rest.” At first i thought i’d misheard the words coming out of the little blonde woman but the confident smiles on the rest of the team’s faces told me otherwise. I looked back at the women to confirm and them both met my gaze with the same cocky grins. 

“Alright...You heard the ladies! Get the mats together!” I ordered and the room obeyed and in a matter of seconds all the sparring mats, save the one Bronson and Tucker were using, had been brought together. Agents Allen and Coulson sauntered to the center of the blue expanse, stopping to stand back to back as six men circled like sharks who’d sensed blood in the water. The girls matched them, step by step as they waited for the first strike. It didn’t take long for the youngest guy on the team, a twenty something named Hudson, to lunge. Agent Allen sidestepped out of his path as Agent Coulson dropped to the ground, causing him to tumble off balance. The kid rolled to his feat and backed away before they could get ahold of him. 

The circling continued, each man taking their turn and being knocked down or rolled away without their opponents to missing a step. Eventually the men exchanged looks and I realized they’d finally decided to work together. Good. After all, this was meant to be a team. 

I couldn’t keep track of what was happening in the mob of flying kicks and punches. I watched the women smile as the men charged and caught Elena’s feet leave the ground as she leaned back on Fin for support before they were surrounded. Two of the men went flying, Vasquez and Hudson, presumably kicked by Elena. As the others closed the gap I saw Fin’s head rise out of the crowd, followed by her fist as she and Elena swapped places. A loud CRACK followed and sent Agent Bishop to the mat. The two men who’d been kicked out of the circle dragged him off the mat. He was out cold but he’d be fine. 

When i looked back up Fin had her legs wrapped around Agent Jordan's neck while Hudson held both arms behind her back. Elena had Hicks pinned and was still managing to parry kicks from Vasquez. Jorden tapped out and Fin dropped the hold, letting the momentum of her weight bring her and Hudson to the ground before she rolled out of his grip and between Vasquez and Elena. Vasquez kicked and Fin caught his leg, twisting it until her opponent fell. 

Unable to escape Elena’s grasp, Hicks also tapped out and joined Jordan and myself on the sidelines. Agent Bishop was starting to come around, I noticed Bronson and Tucker watching the fight as i helped him up. I shouldn’t be surprised. The men I'd recruited were used to being part of a well oiled machine, trained to take down any target put in front of them. As far as they were concerned Agents Coulson and Allen were under qualified based on their previous field experience, not to mention the rumor that they’d only been included because of Fin’s father. It was true I felt guilty for the man’s death, but it was not why she’d made the team. 

When i looked back the last men; Vazquez, Johner, and Hudson were on the ground, Elena and Fin high-fiving over them. 

“Alright who’s getting their butt handed to them next?” Fin rubbed her hands together as she glanced around the room. Bishop was still holding his jaw and the men who’d tapped shook their heads with weary smiles. The girls had earned their respect but they weren’t quite ready for another go. I looked at Agent Allen.

“You up for another round?” I asked. She nodded. I hadn't planned to put them against each other but I was curious how they would fight someone who knew their tricks after seeing them easily take on fights that outmatched them in both physical size and number. “Seems the two of you are the only ones.”

“Works for me.” Elena shrugged and turned to face her partner. 

“No holding back.” fin announced, holding a wrapped fist out to her opponent.

“No hurt feelings.” Elena nodded, tapping her knuckles to Fin’s.

“Just bodies.” Fin agreed with a wicked smirk, dropping into a guarded boxer's stance.

“And maybe a your face...just a little.” Elena grinned back with a wink, the expression seeming to show more teeth than it should as she adopted a similar pose, fin didn’t seem concerned at the threat.

I watched and noticed where fin was light and bouncing on the balls of her feet Allen had her body planted, her center of gravity ready to throw fin when she came at her. I knew Fin could see it but she was preparing to lunge either way, part of me thought for a moment that she was actually looking forward to getting thrown to the mat. I heard fin mumble a response that sounded like “as long as you fix it” as she leapt forward. Elena rolled her shoulders forward, catching her attacker and using the momentum to throw her hard on the mat. The sound was a loud THWACK that hid Fin's sharp exhale before she rocked back onto her feet, laughing. She smiled and lunged again, this time aiming for center mass and taking Elena down to the mat under her. They grappled for a second, arms and legs trying to find purchase, Elena kneed Fin in the side and managed to get free and back onto her feet. Fin swept a low kick at her ankles but Elena jumped over the move easily. By the time she landed Fin was back in her bouncy stance, a left hook swinging at Elena. It made contact but only as a glancing blow, Elena grabbed the wrist and got Fin into an armbar, eventually Fin wiggled free and Elena planted a high kick in her opponent's ribs. Fin backed up, getting out of kicking range and into a guarded stance as Elena came forward in a flurry of kicks and punches. Some connected, others didn't and I wasn't sure what Fin's plan was until she grabbed Elena's right leg mid kick. She threw herself backwards, bringing her own legs up to wrap around Elena's waist as they fell and pulling the trapped leg to her chest as she crossed her arms over it. They hit the mat and on instinct Elena rolled, gaining a slight advantage by pinning one of Fin's legs under her and grabbing the free one, adopting a similar hold with her arms as best she could with it partly around her waist. They both pulled against each other and I worried Fin would dislocate Elena's hip if they didn't stop. Elena knew it too and bent her knee as much as she could, bringing herself closer to Fin instead of breaking away. Her free leg swung up and made contact with the only thing it could, Fin's chin. 

I heard her teeth click as the foot made contact and Fin hissed through gritted and bloody teeth as she tightened her hold. Elena kicked out again and again, making contact every time and with each kick Fin pulled harder. Neither tapped out or seemed like they would anytime soon and I couldn't stand by and watch them dislocated each other's limbs and teeth.

“Alright, I think we can call it a day!” I shouted to the room, realizing the women were the only ones still fighting, everyone else stood in awe of the brutality of the sparring match but at my voice they began to file out of the gym. The women let go of each other and Fin shook her head before turning to spit blood onto the already stained mat, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand with a bright red streak. Elena looked around the room to see it mostly empty before she reached up and laid a hand on her partner’s already swelling jaw, it rested there for a moment and when she pulled it back the swelling was gone. 

“Neat trick.” I said quietly, Elena looked startled as though she’d forgotten i was still in the room. “I don't think I remember reading anything about that particular skill in your file Agent Allen.”

“Elena, please.” She smiled but it was the nervous smile of someone who was unsure how the situation would proceed. 

“Might as well tell him before we go.” Fin spoke from close by and Elena’s glance in her direction was unreadable as she continued.. “it would be good for him to understand what you can do, and the limitations of it. Knowing our limits would be useful to a team leader.” She finished and the way she phrased the last sentence made me think she was referring to something else. Elena exhaled, understanding Fin's meaning where I did not. She looked around the room making sure the rest of the team was gone.

“We haven’t shared that info before.” Elena said flatly, not arguing but not conceding. 

“We’ve never been on a permanent team before either. Filling in ranks on one off missions is one thing but this?” Fin gestured to me and I felt a little awkward not knowing what the conversation was about. Elena turned to me with a sigh. 

“Do you have time? This may take a while to explain.”

“I have nowhere to be.” I looked at the clock on the wall. “If you want, we can change and get lunch or something?”

“This isn't really an in public conversation.” Elena answered.

“It's not going to be a short conversation either. I would like to shower” Fin spoke as she noticed some blood on her shirt “and change.”

“We have the room for the day, if you have something to change into I can figure out food.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Elena nodded.

  
  


**[Fin - 12:44 March 21st, 2013 - GYM15]**

I put on my third outfit of the day, it felt nice to have the salty grime of sweat rinsed off. Elena and I had showered and changed in silence, neither of us quite ready to face the reality of what we were about to do. I opened to door back into the gym and the smell of pizza hit me. Cap sat on the ground, Two pizza boxes and a bag of breadsticks on the floor beside him along with what looked like one of every flavor soda the pizza place carried. He was wearing sweats and a tank, his hair was wet and I realized that at some point he must have come into the locker rooms to shower as well but I hadn't heard him. I sat across from him and pulled my wet hair around my shoulder to braid, I had left Elena in the bathroom with the hairdryer but I hadn't had the patience for it.

“I wasn't sure what you two liked” he explained, pointing to the drinks. I took a Dr. Pepper for Elena and an orange crush for myself. He took a coke and opened the pizza boxes as Elena joined us and he asked “pepperoni or everything?” 

He finished the supreme on his own and Elena and I devoured the pepperoni. We ate in silence, no one daring to start the conversation and interrupt the meal but once the food was gone we had nothing else to keep us from it. 

“I can heal.” Elena blurted into the silence. “It's limited to what I can touch and physical wounds, there is only so much I can do in a day...it takes effort.”

“Can you elaborate on the first part?” He asked.

“If I can touch it, like Fin’s face, I can heal it. If you broke a bone I could set it but to heal the bone I would need to touch the bone itself and work my way out. If you had brain damage and I could touch it I could heal the tissue but if the damage caused memory loss, for example, I couldn't bring that back.” 

“that's useful. Why isn't it in your file? I'm sure all the team's would fight over having that asset.”

“that's one of the reasons it's not in the file. I want to be judged by my skill as an agent, not what I might bring to the table that no one else can. I joined to be an agent, not a glorified first aid kit.”

Cap nodded and Elena glanced my way.

“there's something else we think you need to know” I spoke up, I wasn't sure how else to start, there were other things in both mine and Elena’s file but we weren't putting all the cards on the table right now, just the ones that could help or hinder us in the field.

“I’ve talked to Elena about the wisdom of telling anyone but...i think it’s something that you need to be aware of. It’s... less useful than hers.” I exhaled, trying to avoid eye contact with Elena and knowing she wouldn’t agree with my next statement. “I think it would be easier to show you.”


	8. Wicked Game

  
  


**[Coulson - 1997]**

_ The little girl had woken up, her face and fingers will still pink with cold as she jumped off the bed and looked around frantically. She ran to the door, finding it locked she dove under the bed.  _

_ No one had known what to expect when she woke but a terrified child was at the top of the probability. Coulson watched as Peggy entered the room, walking softly and speaking to the girl in hushed tones.  _

_ “Shhh. It’s alright. We aren’t going to hurt you.”  _

_ ~~Who are you? What do you want? Where is my father?~~ _

_ “ _ _ Wer bist du? Was willst du? Wo ist mein Vater?” A panicked voice cried from under the bed and Coulson found himself thankful, not for the first time, that he had taken german as his entry language with Shield.  _

_ ~~My name is Peggy. You are in America and your father is not here.~~ _

_ “Mein name ist Peggy. Du bist in Amerika und dein Vater ist nicht hier.” Answering the girl in german must have comforted her some because her next questions were calmer. _

_ “Is my father coming back?” She whispered in heavily accented English. That was a pleasant surprise. _

_ “No. Not if I can help it.” Peggy glanced in the direction of the two way mirror Coulson waited behind, her face unsure if that had been the right response but they had both decided to be honest with the girl.  _

_ “Do you promise?” the little voice asked. That wasn’t the response they had expected. Peggy reassured her as she came out from under the bed skirt, a metal support from the bedframe in her hand. “Why am I here? Why did the American’s take me?” _

_ “We didn’t, not exactly. Your father hid you and we found you.” _

_ “He said I wasn't safe. That i would hurt people because of what he made me. Is that true?” _

_ “I don’t think so. What do you think?” _

_ “I think...He made me hurt people. I didn’t want to...” she laid the improvised weapon on the bed, still within reach if she felt threatened but trying to be non-threatening. She wrung the hem of her skirt in her hands, not looking up at Peggy. _

_ “I can’t change the things your father has done, to you or to anyone else, but I can help you start over. Would you like that?” _

_ The little girl nodded, long frozen tears streaming down her cheeks. _

  
  


**[Fin - 13:59 March 21st, 2013 - GYM15]**

I had changed back into my running clothes and now sat shivering in an ice bath as Elena paced. She didn't agree that this was the smartest idea but she couldn't argue that it was the best way to truly show what happened and let him see the warning signs for himself, with a larger team Elena wouldn't always be there to keep an eye out and I didn't always notice if the cold was so severe I skipped straight to numbness.

Captain Rogers had been against me doing this once i explained what needed to happen and the compromise was that I didn't do it alone. He said he couldn't just sit and watch one of his team suffer and when Elena had tried to argue he logically explained that if he did it with me then he would be able to feel at what temperature I started having problems. I wasn't sure how that worked but Elena was worried she would have two frozen teammates if we both had the same cold relapse problem. Lucky for us several people in the company were firm believers in after workout ice baths for quicker muscle recovery and It didn’t take long to get a tub filled, after an hour i was wondering if Cap was regretting his decision yet. I looked straight ahead where he sat in the large metal tub across from me, his lips were blue and his shoulders shook but his teeth weren't making the tell tale clicking the way mine were. Looking closer I saw his jaw clenched and realizes if he needed to talk it would be through chattering teeth as well.

“how you holding up?” Elena asked and I wasn't sure which of us she was talking to.

“St-t-t-ill c-c-c-cold.” I answered, stumbling over the hard consonants with my numb face.

“We can stop if you want, I can probably just describe what happens from here.” She was concerned, i understood but if i hadn’t thought this was the best way i wouldn’t have subjected myself to it. “You don't have to do this.”

I shot her a look that said otherwise and dunked my head under the ice, coming back up with a gasp from the shock. I hadn't realize that cap had followed suit until I felt the ice shifting. I took slow deep breaths, concentrating on being calm and knowing this would go faster if I didn't fight it. Before long the shivering had stopped entirely and, although I could see my hand gripping the sides of the tub, I couldn't feel them. I tried to wiggle my toes under the water and realizes that without being able to see them under the ice I wouldn't know in if they had moved. Elena and cap had been talking but they sounded far away, like they were on the other side of a wall. I tried to say something to get Elena's attention, not wanting to fall asleep submerged if i could help it, but my mouth wouldn't move. My tongue felt heavy in my head and instead I willed my hand to move. by some miracle it obeyed, the ring on my thumb finger tapped on the metal rim of the tub and the muffled voices stopped. Elena knelt beside me and i could understand her but it will still foggy, I made out the words ‘numb’ and ‘out’ and nodded. She helped me up, I couldn't feel my body under me but I knew it was there and I managed to help her get me out of the water and onto the towels on the floor without falling. The air in the room wasn't warm but compared to the ice bath it was making my skin tingle in relief. It wouldn't be enough to keep me conscious, that would take a quicker warm up. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the soft towel under my head, the voices had started again but I ignored them and listened to my heartbeat as I took shallow breaths. 

...Thump thump...

I wasn't sure if everything seemed to be slower because my brain was winding down or if my body actually slowed down

...Thump...

...Thump...

I had the same thought every time but I hadn't been able to figure out how to determine the answer

...Thump...

It was too hard to think 

...Thump...

For now I would just

...Thump...

Go to sleep

……

  
  


**[Steve - 14:02 March 21st, 2013 - GYM 15]**

I watched as Elena helped Fin out of the tub and I leaned forward to help but she waved me off, insisting she had it. She lowered her friend to the ground, I hadn't noticed how blue Fin’s skin had turned or how her lips and fingertips tips were nearly purple. She smiled weakly as Elena put a folded towel under her head. I got myself out of the ice water bath and all at once my mind panicked, starting to question everything that was happening.

Why did we do this? Who thought his was a good idea? I have super soldier powers and I am cold, if she's a normal human we just killed her with hypothermia, what the hell were we thinking? Elena must have sensed my panic because she laid a gentle hand on my forearm and reassured me.

“She will be fine, I promise. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. She's family.” She looked back at her now unconscious friend who didn't seem to be breathing. Elena knelt by Fin and checked her pulse before gesturing me over to do it myself. Fins skin was ice, not having warmed at all after leaving the bath, where mine was already starting to regain its color. At first I thought her breathing and pulse had stopped all together before I realized that they were just going so slowly that they were undetectable if you didn't know what to look for, thankfully Elena pointed it out.

“Can you help me?” she asked, an arm under fin’s head. “we need to take her to the sauna, get you warmed both warmed up.”

I nodded, picking fin’s limp body up in my arms and cradling her as we walked. I followed Elena, trying not to think about just how dead fin seemed in my arms, how light she was. My mind threw up words like ‘fragile’ looking at her and I shook them away. Once in the sauna Elena set out another towel bed and I set fin down on it before taking a bench on the other side. My fingers started to tingle as the feeling rushed back into them and I wondered if I looked the same as Fin did now when they found me in the plane wreckage.

“How did you figure out this was a thing?” I asked just to have something to discuss and distract me, otherwise I would sit in silence watching the color return to agent Coulson's face.

“They learned about this by accident. Coulson said that when she was about twelve they went on a vacation to some ski resort, Fin had mentioned being cold but she was having so much fun sledding and having snowball fights with the other kids she didn’t notice anything amiss. She didn't come back to the room that night and Coulson shut down the whole mountain looking for her. The search dogs found her like this, half in a snowdrift. The rescue crew thought she was dead but Coulson didn't think so. He took her back to the room, made a huge fire in the fireplace and put her in a hot bath, she woke up the next morning with the equivalent of a light head cold and when Coulson asked what happened she said ‘I got tired, I just needed to lay down’. His theory is that something happened to her, before he adopted her, that messed up her internal temperature regulation, that when she gets cold her body starts to burn more energy than the normal person does trying to keep warm and when it can't it shuts down.”

“What do they think happened? To cause this, I mean. Surely there's a theory.” I wasn’t sure how long this was going to take and I was curious. 

“Short version? Her father killed her mother and when he decided Fin was in his way he stuck her in an ice chest and left her there…” She looked down at her friend, brushing a stray hair from her face. Fin turned her face away from the touch and i noticed that her color was starting to return. “Someone that knew what her father had done tipped off a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and the rest is history.”

“So shield has a habit of defrosting people then.” I said it flatly, referring to myself. 

“No.” Elena laughed. “You two are special.”

  
  


**[Elena - 14:42 March 21st, 2013 - GYM 15]**

“I just thought of something else.” Fin announced between punches. Once she’d thawed she insisted that she needed to keep moving to keep her blood flowing. I didn’t argue, usually she needed to sleep after recovering from the cold and keeping her busy was probably the only reason she was still awake.

“What now? Heat vision? Flying?” He laughed. “Neither of you have the same special skills as Banner, right?”

“Not about me. Or her.” she added, glancing over to where i watched. 

“Alright?” He asked tentatively, blocking a flurry of blows in his direction. 

“We’ve been” he missed a block as she started and she made contact with his sternum, he sucked in a breath but acted unphased. “cleaning out Coulson’s stuff...at his house.”

“Some of it’s yours.” I added, seeing that he wasn’t following the reasoning behind why he needed to know. 

“Mine?” He looked perplexed.

“Yeah.” Fin answered but didn’t stop attacking, punctuating her words with light jab crosses. “Stuff he collected.”

“I don’t need any Captain America memorabilia, thanks.” he scoffed.

“No.” She stopped to look at him. “Not Captain america stuff...Steve Rogers stuff.”

“Like what?” He seemed genuinely surprised that anyone would have bothered to keep anything of his.

“I’m not really sure, i haven’t gone through all the boxes but there's ...an old baseball glove, house keys, some books. I think there’s a box of photos. I haven’t seen them but i remember him talking about them.” She paused. “If you want, you can come to the house sometime and go through it...i just thought...since it’s yours.”

“I would like that..” the corner of his mouth tugged into a lopsided grin when he noticed she had stopped using him as a sparring dummy. “Quitting already?”

“You wish!” she dropped back into a boxer’s stance and I wondered if either of them realized they were flirting. 

“Good” He smiled. “I could do this all day.”

“You actually going to fight back now? Or should I just keep punching you.”

He feigned left and when she dodged he grappled her with his right, it caught her off guard and it took her longer than it should have to get her feet under her to throw him onto the mat. He laughed when he landed. 

“You know, most people won’t spar with me.” He said, getting to his feet.

“Why? They afraid you’ll break a hip?” Fin joked, trying to sweep his legs out from under him, he avoided the maneuver. 

“Something like that.” He answered.

  
  


**[Steve - 07:13 April 14th, 2013 - EN ROUTE]**

_ Wicked Game - Gemma Hayes  _

The first mission. It wasn’t my first, it wasn’t any of their first either but it was the first together. The first as this team and the first with me calling the shots for them. Today was the day we found out if the team i’d put together would actually succeed. 

I kept having to remind myself to breathe. 

I wasn’t nervous, not exactly...excited was more accurate but it didn’t change the fact that I had concerns. I worried that once we got in the field the former strike team members would listen to Rumlow instead of me. I worried that they would see me as a mascot instead of a team leader. I glanced to where the strike team sat, talking amongst each other. Rumlow saw me looking and gave me a reassuring nod. It helped. 

I looked to the other side of the hold and saw Elena reading over the mission file while Fin sat beside her with her head tilted back, eyes closed. I walked over.

“Is she sleeping?” I asked Elena, it was early enough in the morning that it was plausible Fin had decided to cat nap on the way out. 

“I’m awake.” Fin answered, not bothering to open her eyes as she scratched the curls pinned tightly to her head. “I’m mentally preparing.”

I looked at Elena with a raised eyebrow, unsure what Fin meant. 

“She’s listening to music and going through the tactical plan in her head. It’s a thing, it works for her.” Elena tapped Fin on the arm. “What’s the song of the day?”

For a second I didn't think Fin was going to answer but she started talking after a moment. 

“Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti. He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready.” Elena tapped her arm again and she stopped with a grin. 

“It’s rap today apparently.” Elena shrugged and Fin gave her a thumbs up. 

“You know what you two are doing?” I knew they did but sitting in the corner thinking about the mission wasn’t doing any good, i might as well talk about it. 

“Quick retrieval, you and the strike team will go in and clear the building from top to bottom. On the way back up we will make our way from the roof to the 22nd floor where I will access the in house servers while Fin covers me. Get the information we came for and get out before anyone even knows we’re there.”

“That’s the plan.” I agreed. It sounded too easy and that concerned me. I shook it off. Rumlow had the most experience reconnoitering missions in populated areas like this and I'd let him take the lead. I just hoped nothing had been missed. 

  
  


**[Fin - 07:34 April 14th, 2013 - BANGLADESH]**

“Strike Lead to Alpha team. Building is clear, we’re coming up.” Rumlow’s voice broke through the music and into my ear. 

“Copy Strike lead. Alpha team proceeding.” Elena responded. I headed down through the roof access first, flashlight and rifle ahead of me in case the strike team had neglected any steps. We made it down the two flights of stairs to the target floor without incident. Elena holstered her side arm and sat at the nearest console, plugging in the preloaded encryption key to speed things along. 

“Skoll is at the terminal.” I let the team know our progress as I scanned, letting elena work. 

“Copy, nice job. We’ll be seeing you shortly.” Cap answered. 

The strike team made their way through the floor, nodding in acknowledgement as they passed through to the stairs. I counted as they passed, making sure everyone was accounted for. It wasn’t my job but they’d cleared the building and my covering Elena was more precautionary than anything. Rumlow was the last, disappearing to the roof before Cap made it up. I dropped my com, not wanting to say anything the strike team would hear. 

“Bringing up the rear on purpose or the stairs to much for you? 22 flights is pretty good for a guy your age.” He smiled and rolled his eyes as i put the com back in. 

“Where are we Skoll?” He asked, neglecting to rise to the bait. Damned professionalism. 

“5 minutes? It’s hard to be more accurate, I'm not sure how large the file is but it’s copying now.”

“We’ll prep to leave. Keep checking in, if you need more time let me know.”

“Yes sir.” Elena answered without looking up from the computer. 

“Roger, Rogers.” I saluted. He laughed and shook his head as he left. 

“Why?” Elena asked when he was gone. 

“Because I could?” I shrugged. It seemed like fair reasoning to me. 

I started to walk the perimeter of the room to stretch my legs, so far this mission had been duller than most and I found myself counting the workstations as i passed. With the strike teams’ overall experience they got to do all the fun stuff like clear buildings. Not that being with Elena in the field wasn’t fun, I just didn’t really like being idle. I got to 112 cubicles before I pivoted to walk back to Elena i noticed a red light in the far corner of the ceiling that I hadn't seen before. I started to ask Elena if she saw it too but she had just checked in with a 3 minute estimate and i didn’t want to distract her. I opened the com line. 

“Strike team, this is Hati. Come in.”

“Hati, strike team copies.” one of the guys answered, it sounded like Bishop but it was hard to tell over the lines. 

“This is probably a silly question but, when you cleared, did you take out surveillance?”

“There was no security on site.” I started walking toward the red light. 

“No, not security. Digital surveillance. Cameras.” There was a long pause before Rumlow responded. 

“Schematics showed no advanced surveillance on the building.”

“Another silly question.” I forced a laugh as I got closer to what was obviously a security camera. “Were the schematics up to date?”

“They were the most up to date on file, what are you trying to say Hati.” He sounded defensive. Great, that means he knew he probably missed something. 

“I’m trying to say that the building was built in 1984 according to the plans in the mission briefing but the drop ceilings in here are circa 93-94? Is it possible there were updates that weren’t in the blueprints we planned from.”

“No. Impossible.” Rumlow started to argue but someone took the comms away. 

“One minute.” Elena updated before Cap took the line.

“Why are you asking Hati.”

“Well...mostly because I'm looking at a nest cam hanging from the ceiling. If you don’t want anyone to know we were here tech is going to have to remote wipe the cameras and if that’s not possible we will need to do it directly on the server here.”

“Skoll?”

“Yea, I think Fin can do that on another terminal. It shouldn’t be encrypted internally.”

“Get to it. Dust off in one minute.”

“Copy.” Elena and I said in unison. I pulled up a chair to the desktop beside her, waking it up and looking for security. I found the file easily enough and opened the videos from the night before. 

“The system is new but not very advanced. It only has date stamps on the folders and time stamps on the video. I can duplicate the files and change dates. Easy enough.” I did it as I talked. 

“We have a bigger problem.” Elena leaned back from her terminal. 

“What? Did the file not copy?” 

“Oh no, it copied...we gotta go.”

“I’m almost done--”

“FIN.” 

I looked over when she said my name, she held the encryption drive with the copied file in her hand but the screen was black. Red numbers were counting down.  _ 58, 57, 56. 55... _

“Elena...what is that counting too?” _54\. 53. 52. 51...._

“Fuck if i know!” She sounded worried, that was never good. _50, 49, 48, 47..._

“Can you stop it?” I yelled, I hadn't meant to yell.  _ 46, 45, 44, 43… _

“The keyboard’s locked up, i don't know.” _42\. 41. 40. 39, 38…_

I reached under the desk and unplugged the computer. The screen went black and the countdown stopped. We both exhaled. 

“Security footage copied.” I gestured to the monitor i’d been using. She nodded. 

“Heading up Cap.” Elena announced as we stood. 

Suddenly the other computers woke themselves up, each screen counting down in unison. 

“GO!” I shouted, pushing her toward the door.  _ 30, 29. 28, 27… _

“Can’t we unplug them too?” She asked as we ran.  _ 26, 25, 24, 23... _

“Sure! How fast can you unplug at least 112 computers.”  _ 22, 21, 19, 18… _

“Not that fast.”  _ 17, 16, 15, 14… _

We reached she stairs. 

“Cap we have about 10 seconds. I don’t know to what but I'll put money on it being bad. We’re headed up.” Elena ran ahead of me on the steps while I counted in my head.

_ 9, 8, 7… _

“You heard her, wheels up! Stay low, they can make the jump.”

_ 6, 5, 4… _

One floor left, we could see the roof access door, hear the helicopter rotors. 

_ 3, 2, 1 _

  
  


**[Steve - 07:41 EDT April 14th, 2013 - BANGLADESH]**

“One.” 

I thought I'd imagined it, hearing the word over the comms, maybe i had. 

We were hovering above the roof, i gave the order. _ “You heard her, wheels up! Stay low, they can make the jump.”  _

They bolted onto the roof, Elena in front, Fin pushing her from behind. I knew they were both fast but Fin was faster, she could have run ahead. She could have, but she wouldn’t. 

Everything happened at once; they made it to the roof, they were running. Elena jumped and Bronson caught her arm, Rumlow helped pull her in. I saw Fin’s knees bend, she was right behind Elena. She jumped and I heard her whisper ‘one’ over the radio. The helicopter tilted as Me and Bronson both leaned out to catch her mid jump but instead of getting closer she fell. 

The roof collapsed out from under her feet, fire glowing under the rubble as it fell with her. 

I barely registered that Elena was moving before I caught her. When I grabbed her she thrust the plastic hard drive in my hands. 

“Take this, i’m going to get her.”

“No you aren’t” I pushed her back and if looks could kill I would have died in that moment. 

“Cap, are you telling me to leave her? Because if so…”

“Stay on the Helicopter Skoll. That’s an order.” I looked to Bronson. “keep her here.” He nodded. 

I handed her the drive and jumped shield first out of the chopper, I had already let one Coulson down, i'd be damned if i lost another. I landed and the floor creaked under me, I didn't know how long we might have before this one went too, looked up and saw 4 floors above us, that meant twenty below us. 

“Agent Coulson!” I knew we were supposed to use codes in the field but now wasn’t the time. I could already hear sirens in the distance, i needed to get her and get out. “FIN!” I heard a cough to my left, under some rubble. It shifted and Fin got to her feet. She looked around, slightly off kilter. 

“You know, you’re not supposed to go in the buildings when they’re on fire...so i’ve been told.” She smiled weakly, touching a hand to her head. She was bleeding but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been after a 4 story drop into a burning building. 

“Yea well, i was following you.” I joked. 

“That was dumb.” She laughed. 

“I’m seeing that now.” I walked over and took her elbow to steady her. “Want to get out of here before we fall down some more?”

“That sounds great. Roof’s gone tho.” She looked around me as we walked out from under the hole in the ceiling. “Stairs too.” She was right, the stairwell was blocked. 

“Do you trust me?” I asked. She pulled her elbow away and looked at me with furrowed brows.”What?”

“I...i did hit my head so this may be wrong but...in my experience when people ask that it’s because they are about to have you do something incredibly stupid.” I put my arm around her waist and started walking briskly across the room to the east side of the building. 

“You’re not wrong.” I said it lightly, hoping for the best. I pulled her close, preparing to have to carry her out if she decided not to follow me blindly. Her face registered surprise as I held on to her but she regained her composure quickly. 

“Oh...in that case, sure. I trust you not to kill us.”

“Fair enough.” I ran, keeping her beside me , the east wall quickly approaching. “Hold on.”

“To Wh--!?” I assumed she was trying to ask ‘to what’ but there wasn’t time, i pulled her in front of me and she slammed into my chest, her arms wrapped around where they could and she held tight as I put the shield in front of her and jumped through the window. 

The downside of doing this, I was learning, is that you can’t steer. Not really. Luckily i’d jumped far enough to clear the road below and we landed hard on top of one of the shorter surrounding buildings instead of the street. I felt Fin shaking under me, when I rolled off the shield I realized she was laughing. 

“Are you ok?” 

“That was awesome.” She kept laughing and I wondered if that was normal or if she’d hit her head harder than I'd initially thought.

“Strike team, this is Cap. We’re out. Come pick us up.”


	9. Something to Remember

**[Steve - 09:06 May 4, 2013 - WASHINGTON D.C.]**

It had been nearly a month since our last mission and we’d done nothing but train. Natasha had been on a few solo outings, as had the STRIKE team, but they weren’t fully under my command. Those that were got to come out and run, spar, endurance train, run stealth simulations and tactical simulations. I was running out of things to keep us busy but with the outcome of our less than stealthy stealth mission i couldn’t blame Fury for keeping us sidelined. 

With the anniversary of the new york incident coming around I’d given the team the week off with the stipulation that their phones stay on in case we get called in. They couldn’t hide the relief to have a break from the tedium and I couldn't blame them but I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Free time wasn’t really a thing i made room for and when i had it i was lost in this century. Mostly I went to the library and read up on history but public buildings were closing for the unofficial holiday. I laid in bed a little longer, looking at the ceiling and trying not to feel guilty for not waking up to run, after all it was my day off too. I eventually gave up trying to relax and got up to shower. I hadn’t had a plan when I'd gotten dressed but by the time I made it out the door of my apartment I knew where I was going. 

  
  


**[Fin - 13:30 May 4, 2013 - CYPRESS HILLS]**

It was a nice day for a picnic, sunny and mild at sixty-five I couldn't have asked for better weather. Having the week off we had planned to be productive and chip away at the Sunset Park house, and we had for the first few days but today I wanted to do something different. 

We’d called a car to take us out a little before noon, picking up a picnic lunch on the way since our food supply was scarce at the house and made our way to the cemetery where Coulson was. Spreading out a blanket beside him Elena and I enjoyed our lunch as she humored me while i told her stories about him.

I told her about the time he dressed up as Dum Dum Dugan for my birthday and handed out bubblegum cigars to all the kids in the neighborhood that came to the party. How he tried to grow a handlebar moustache but ended up having to wear a false one and the glue kept coming unstuck. I told her about our spy games where we would dress up and practice being other people and how when I'd wanted to me a pretty assassin he had tried to do my hair and makeup on his own. I ended up looking more like ronald mcdonald in a nightgown than a femme fatale and i’d started crying. He had to call Peggy to come help him and to make me smile he had let her do his makeup as well, donning a wig and dress to be a pretty girl with me.

I wasn’t one of those people that didn’t know what they had until it was gone, I knew everything that Coulson had done for me and more, his death only made me appreciate him more. I laughed myself hoarse before I stopped and we had planned to head home but the day was too nice to be indoors so instead I stretched out on the picnic blanket. Elena pulled a paperback from her bag and leaned against Coulson’s headstone to read and I closed my eyes, listening to the wind in the trees. Birdsong added to the ambiance in sporadic bursts and I decided the next time we had free time that we should go camping, I hadn’t noticed how loud the city was until we weren’t in it. 

As though the universe heard my thought the sound of an engine broke thru the peace. I must have made a sound because I heard Elena snorts in agreement as the sound grew and died in the distance. Elena made another sound from behind her book, this one I recognized as her ‘that’s interesting’ sound. I didn’t have a chance to ask her to elaborate before I felt a cool shadow fall over me. I opened my eyes, trying to recognize the silhouette when he spoke. 

“I’m not sure why i’m surprised.”

“Have a seat Cap, there’s some food in the basket if you’re hungry.” Elena offered, I sat up. He wasn’t the only one surprised by this turn of events. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked, it must have come out sharper than I'd intended because Elena shot me a ‘be nice’ look. “I just mean, we weren’t expecting anyone else.” 

“Sorry, I’m intruding, i can go. I just didn’t know what to do with myself so i thought…”

“Please, sit. It’s fine. Really. “ Elena reassured him. He sat on the edge of the blanket across from me, reaching in his breast pocket for something. He pulled out a clear plastic box filled with cards. 

“I wanted to give these back.” He handed them to me. I looked down and saw the complete collection of vintage Captain America playing cards, signed and individually packed in little sleeves inside the box. 

“If you leave them here they are going to get stolen. Everything i’ve left has disappeared.” I appreciated the gesture, i really did, but my voice sounded hollow as the words came out. Being here and remembering Coulson’s life was one thing, but Cap and the cards were a reminder that i hadn’t been there when he died and it hurt. I cleared my throat and handed them back to him before getting to my feet. “I’ll be right back.”

I started walking before either of them could ask where I was going, i didn’t know myself but I needed to be alone.

  
  


**[Steve - 13:30 May 4, 2013 - CYPRESS HILLS]**

“I’m sorry...i didn’t mean too--”

“Don’t. Trust me, it’s not you.” Elena reassured me, putting her book away and resigning herself to conversation. . 

“Are you sure? Cause that really felt like it was my fault.” I looked down at the cards in my hands. It was a stupid gesture, what was a dead man going to do with some useless old cards. 

“I’m not going to lie, I'm sure you set something in her head off, but to be honest I've been waiting for it since we got here.” Her voice was gentle.

“Then why come?”

“She wanted to, i think she wanted to prove she could. That she was over it.”

“It’s only been a year? How could she be over it?” I couldn’t hide the shock in my voice, I'd lost my father before I'd even known him and i still wasn’t over it. 

“She can’t be, but Fin...Fin has a unique perspective on what constitutes ‘normal’ when it comes to emotions.” Elena shrugged. “Her frame of reference is...skewed.”

“How so?” I didn’t mean to pry but i didn’t understand what Elena was trying to tell me. 

“Coulson took her in when she was around nine or ten i think? I’m not for sure. Anyway, her life before was...let’s just say it was bad enough that at some point she blocked it out of her memory all together, and her life after that was within the agency.”

“Shit. I’ve heard of repressed memories in kids but rarely that old. Must have been terrible.”

“She sees a therapist every now and then, he wants her to do some regression thing to remember but Coulson thought it would break her to know everything. I tend to agree.”

“Coulson seemed like a good guy, From what i’ve seen she turned out alright.”

“Oh, she did. She’s a good person, but between whatever happened to her before Coulson and being raised with nothing but Agents as an example taught her that showing vulnerability is a weakness. She’ll show you happy, and mad, but sad? She actively runs away from sad. Or she hides it under anger. Once she walks off whatever you brought up in her head, she’ll be back. Don’t worry.” She smiled and patted my hand, reassuring me. “How about you?”

“Hmm?” I wasn’t sure I'd heard her right.

“Anything on your mind?” She rephrased the question. 

“No.” I shook my head, ignoring all the thoughts bouncing around up there. “I’m fine.”

“You know, most people that say their fine, aren’t. Most people who are fine don’t spend their days off in graveyards...unless they are with people who aren’t fine that need company.” She added the last part quickly, confirming that she really was alright.

“Really, I’m fine.” I insisted. 

“Fine.” she smiled. 

“Fine.” I echoed. 

“So what are your plans after your completely guilt free trip to the cemetery?” She changed the subject, sort of. 

“I didn’t have any, why?”

“Well you already came this far, why not come back with us to the house? We're just over in sunset park and you still have a box or 5 of stuff you’re welcome to.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea.” I looked off in the direction Fin had gone, she’d walked out of eyesite. 

“She’ll be fine. She likes you, or trusts you at least, otherwise you she wouldn’t have joined the team.”

“If she’s ok with it, sure...but liking me enough to work with and liking me enough to bring home are two different things.”

“Maybe for normal people.” she smiled. 

  
  


**[Fin - 13:42 May 4, 2013 - CYPRESS HILLS]**

_ Slipped away - Avril Lavigne _

I didn’t know what hit me, but seeing those cards everything that i’d felt a year ago on the helicarrier came back to me. This time I didn't have the luxury of focusing it all on anger, on finding Loki. That part was gone and all that was left was raw grief, guilt, and fear. The fear I felt when Agent hill picked us up and I knew in my gut that something was wrong. The fear that Coulson had chosen to give his life to save someone instead of staying with me. The fear that if he were gone, I was alone. He was the only thing since I'd woken up that had always been there and now...If I could lose him i could lose anything. 

I walked faster, not letting myself break into a run as i tried to level out my breathing. My chest felt tight and the world blurred, i realized i was crying. FuckFuckFuck. I swiped my arm across my eyes, dashing away the tears. I hated crying. Coulson’s voice spoke softly in my head, words he’d said to a pre-teen Fin, ‘It’s alright, you can cry. I won’t tell anyone.’ I sniffled, wiping away a fresh layer of tears. I didn’t care if i cried in front of him, i trusted him not to use it against me. I trusted Elena too...i stopped walking. I wasn’t sure why i’d walked away, now that i thought about it. I trusted the Captain with the knowledge of my greatest weakness, one that could actually, physically be used against me. Hell I’d jumped out of a 20th story window with him less than a month ago, but i had to run away to hide crying from him? What was wrong with me? I knew he wouldn’t hurt me so why did it matter? Why did i care what he thought about it, he was the one that showed up out of nowhere. The realization hit me, i was embarrassed that he would see me crying. Embarrassed. I laughed, it was a short harsh sound.

The man had LITERALLY picked up Elena and I from a mission in our underwear, watched me punch a demigod in the face and heard the only guy I'd ever slept with make crude grunting noises at me in public. But crying was too embarrassing. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I give a shit what he thought of me?

Coulson’s face flashed in my head. Right, that would explain it. Coulson idolized him and raised me on stories that made him just as much a hero to me. None of the stories had Captain America crying in his cups when he lost someone, he got his shit together and kept fighting. I thought that’s what I'd done already, but Coulson’s ghost was still there. Most of the time it was just to remind me what I was missing, that i couldn’t pick up the phone and call him when i felt like it, but other times it was the specter of guilt that gnawed at me. That little thing that told me I should have insisted he take Elena and i on the carrier, even if I couldn't stop Loki, Elena could have saved him. It didn’t matter, I couldn't do anything about it now, but what I could do was get my shit together and keep fighting. 

I took a deep breath, the distance i’d put between me and Coulson’s grave hadn’t lessened the shaking I felt in my arms or the ice in the pit of my stomach. Running wasn’t going to fix anything and there wasn’t anyone to fight, not literally, but right now the ‘battle’ before me was going back. Cap came to pay his respects to Coulson, same as Elena and I. The least I could do was respect that. 

I made it back to them, they were talking about something light, Elena laughed and he saw me first, nodding in my direction. 

“Fin, Are you--” Elena started and I knew my face was probably blotchy with evidence I'd been crying but I didn't let her finish. 

“I’m fine. I just...i had an idea.” I knelt on the edge of the picnic blanket, lifting the corner to reveal the footstone of Coulson’s grave. It had the S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia carved into it and I pried the edge loose to lift it from its hole.

“Fin, what are you doing?” Elena asked, i didn’t answer. Instead I pulled out my pocket knife, cutting a square of dirt and tossing it aside. 

“Here.” I held out my hand to Cap, gesturing at the cards. He gave them to me and I placed them in the void before laying the stone back in place. “Thanks. He would really like them.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Well, we can’t stay here forever." Elena interjected. "I was just reminding Rogers about that box of stuff for him to look through.”

“It’s all still in the spare room...If he wants to meet us there we can stop and pick up something for dinner...if you’d want to stay for dinner that is.”

  
  


**[Steve - 16:52 May 4, 2013 - BROOKLYN]**

_Something to remember - Haux_

I arrived at the address before the girls, I expected as much since I hadn't made any stops. The building looked like a normal apartment, tan brick three story with a mirrored glass entry way. I tried the door, locked. I didn’t see any kind of call box to other apartments to get buzzed in, not that it mattered i could wait out here. I pulled the motorcycle onto the sidewalk, making an open parking space before sitting back on the seat to wait. Looking around I realized that the neighborhood wasn’t very new, across the street were row-houses and on the corner was a huge stone built church. Even the apartment address Elena and Fin had given me looked like it was part of the shipping industry once upon a time. I leaned around, looking for a cornerstone. 1895, finally something around older than me. 

A car pulled up, pulling into the open spot before Fin hopped out of the back, her arms full of groceries. 

“Hey! You found it. Good.” She was smiling, good. I was worried she’d only invited me because Elena had suggested it and seeing her genuinely happy response was reassuring. 

“Yea, no problems. Here, let me.” I took the bags from her, I was able to fit them both in one arm. She turned and took a bag from Elena as she exited the car. 

“Cap, you don’t have to--” Elena started, seeing the bags in my arms. 

“If you’re about to tell me that I don't have to help carry up the groceries, you’re right. But i’m going to any way.” 

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re stubborn?” She put her free hand on her hip as she eyed him. 

“I think you just did.” I laughed. 

“Don’t take it personally, she tells me that all the time!” Fin unlocked the front door, holding it open for us to enter the dim foyer. It looked like any apartment foyer, and elevator and stairs to the left and a wall of locked mailboxes on the right. Looking behind me I noticed that the doors we’d entered though were only mirrored from the outside, perfect to see who was outside before opening the door. “So, do you want the tour?”

“Why not.” I was curious what made Coulson decide to live so far from S.H.I.E.L.D. resources. 

“OK, well as you can see this is our foyer,” she gestured around us. “It’s also a faraday cage, so any bugs or trackers can’t transmit. The elevator isn’t real, it was once but now it hides a second stairwell.” I noticed the ‘out of order’ sign on the elevator doors.

“Oh and the mailboxes, well they are mailboxes. All but that one.” She pointed to 1089. “This one is a boom box, for bombs.”

“You have a lot of use for that?” My eyebrows raised. 

“Not yet, but Coulson was cautious.” She shifted the paper bag in her arms, “Let’s head upstairs.”

We walked up the curving steps to the next floor, instead of the hall of apartment doors that I expected there was only one. Elena opened it and we walked into a large living room. 

“Coulson took out all the individual apartments when he bought the building, this floor is the house. This is the living room, to the right is the kitchen and dining room and left are the bedrooms and bathrooms. Upstairs is storage and the stairs in the elevator go to the basement, which is a gym.”

“You grew up here?” I wasn’t sure why i’d asked but Fin seemed more comfortable here. 

“Yep.” She looked around the room with familiarity. “We haven’t changed much, just the bedrooms really, and some of the decorations. No offense but the full size captain america war bonds poster wasn’t really my style, we gave it to the smithsonian along with some other collectables.”

“No offense taken, i wouldn’t want my mug on a wall either.” I laughed, following them into the kitchen and setting down the bags. 

“I’ll show you where the boxes are while Elena gets dinner taken care of. Come on.”

She led me to one of the bedrooms, bunk beds in one corner had boxes stacked on both mattresses. More boxes lined the rest of the walls. 

“This was my room, when i was a kid, now it’s box limbo.” She took a deep breath. “The ones we decided to keep are in storage, all of this is...everything else. Some of it we haven’t even gone though.”

“I didn’t realize how much there was.” I was overwhelmed by just this room, i couldn’t imagine there was more. 

“We didn’t either, don’t worry.” She stood on the edge of the bottom bunk, peering over the top. “Here, these are the ones with stuff I...we thought you might want.” She handed me a box, and then another, there were four in total all labeled ‘Rogers’ in neat feminine handwriting. 

“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say, I wasn't even sure what to expect to find in them.

“I’ll leave you to it…” She passed me her pocket knife to open the boxes that had been retaped. “whatever you want is yours.”

She left me alone with the boxes and even with just the four i wasn’t sure where to start, or what to expect. I sat on the carpeted floor, pulling the first box close before cutting the tape. The smell of old books tickled my nose as i looked inside. Books, fragile and yellowed by time were carefully placed in the box, i picked up the first. It was a cover i recognized. ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz’ had been one of my mother’s favorites and the drawing of the glasses wearing lion on the cover struck a familiar chord. Under it i found the only other books she’d had when i was a child, ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ and ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’. The latter remained unmarred but the former had a sloppily written ‘STEVEN’ in the front cover, i traced the backwards N with a finger. The rest had belong to my mother; Hemingway, Fitzgerald, T.S. Eliot, books i could recall her reading as she lay sick in bed. I put them aside. The last book wasn’t really a book, it was a folder of loosely bound blank pages covered in the drawings of an adolescent boy. I kept going. The first box ended with a small stack of records, we never had any but Bucky had let me borrow a few, along with his family’s Victrola, when my mom had gotten sick. I laughed, remembering us trying to carry it up the stairs to our apartment. Helen Lane, Elsie Carlisle, The Flanagan Brothers, The Andrews sisters. I remembered picking each of them from the collection, not wanting to take too many but not knowing which she would enjoy. 

There was another record in the box, Kitty kallen. I knew the song but I didn't think I'd ever had it. I saw a piece of tape across the top, the same handwriting the labeled the boxes had written ‘duplicate’. That made sense, I didn't recognize it because it wasn’t mine, whoever had packed the boxes just thought i might want it. They weren’t wrong. One box had a shoebox of photos of me and my mother. My father. I put them with the books and records. I kept going, opening box after box of odds and ends, each item bringing back a new memory but few things were something I would take with me. Nostalgia was good, but keeping the things that tied me to a time i couldn’t be part of was too hard.

I repacked three of the boxes and Elena came in as I put them back on the top bunk. 

“Decided not to take anything?” She asked. 

“Not quite.” I gestured to the smallest box on the floor. “I just didn’t need it all.”

“Are you SURE” She said it in a way that begged me to take more, I knew she just wanted it out of the house and I couldn't help but laugh at her. 

“I’m sure, but you’re more than welcome to do what you want with it all. I have what’s important to me, thank you.”

“You can thank me by going downstairs and telling Fin that dinner is ready. It’s what I came to tell you.”

“I can do that.” I answered as her phone rang, she thanked me with a chuckle and walked into the other room to take the call. I made my way down the steep stairs and heard Fin before I saw her, the sound of fists hitting canvas as she pounded a suspended punching bag. 

“Hey.” I shouted from the bottom of the stairs, not wanting to startle her. She turned to look at me, strands of hair sticking to her brow. “Elena says dinner is ready. She told me to come get you.”

“Alright.” She flashed a mischievous smile and something in my gut flip-flopped at the expression, i wasn’t sure what to make of that. “I’ll come up for dinner, if you spar with me.”

“Really?” Her face told me she wasn’t kidding but is seemed so random.

“Yes really. Didn’t you know Elena sent you down as the sacrificial lamb? She knows I get bored down here all alone.” I didn’t answer, suddenly Elena’s laughter made sense. “Come on cap, just one round. I’ve been down here for at least an hour wearing myself out, you shouldn’t have too much trouble beating me.”

“You know, I'm not sure that’s reassuring, you forget that I've met you.” I took off my jacket, hanging it on the end of the stair rail before rolling up my sleeves to the elbow and walking to the mat.

“Aw, come on. I can’t be that tough.” She pouted and the expression was so odd on her face that I laughed out loud. Fin pouting was so out of character for her i wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

“Dear God, woman. Stop that. I’d rather you punch me.” 

“Fair enough.” Her face stopped feigning helplessness and went back to the Fin i knew, resolute and intimidating. It suited her. “First one to be pinned? Loser taps out with their dignity intact?”

“Sure.” I kicked off my shoes and stepped on to the mat, squaring off against her. We circled each other for a moment, each of us waiting for the other to strike. “I’m sorry, about showing up at the Cemetery.” I needed to say it, it was true. If I'd thought I’d be interrupting something i wouldn’t have gone. 

“Don’t.” She swung at my head and I barely ducked in time. “It’s not you that was the issue.” 

I blocked another jab to my face only to be hit in the chest with a right uppercut. 

“Maybe not then, but...I’m sorry I couldn’t save him too...on the carrier.” She stopped hitting me, frozen in place just looking at me like i’d sprouted a second head. She started to say something but i didn’t let her. “Don’t say it wasn’t my fault, I’ve spent the last year thinking about it and yes, it was. Not directly...but if things had gone differently, he would be alive. If i’d pulled my head out of my ass for one second to see what was happening instead of--”

“How long were you out of the ice before Fury put you on the carrier?” She interrupted. “Two weeks? Tops?”

“Give or take a day.” I didn’t know where she was going with this. 

“You’d had TWO WEEKS to process that everything you ever knew was gone or changed, your head earned the right to be firmly up your patriotic ass.” She laughed softly. “You know, I did blame you, for a little while. You being his hero and all. I thought you should have saved him at first, when I realized that was childish i tried to convince myself that if you hadn’t been there he wouldn’t have gone after Loki, that he wouldn’t have tried to be a hero if he wasn’t trying to impress you...but that’s not true either. He was a hero, with or without you. No matter what you change, if someone needed help he would have been there and his life was secondary to that. He knew what he was doing...It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t yours. We didn’t do more, because we couldn’t, and thinking otherwise diminishes the fact that he made the choice to do the right thing.”

I opened my mouth to argue but she kept going.

“Not a day goes by where I don't wish he’d chosen his own life, but that’s me being selfish and wanting him here with me... I know the truth is that if he had been selfish that day and saved himself, the Coulson I knew would have died. It wasn’t in him not to help people.” She finished talking as she stepped toward me, a sad smile on her face and I realized how tired she looked. She reached out and patted my shoulder. 

“What was that?” I looked stupidly at my own shoulder. 

“I’m tapping out Cap. You win.” She walked up the steps, leaving me standing on the mat alone and as she went she spoke to herself, at least I assumed she hadn't meant for me to hear.

‘emotions are fucking exhausting.’

It's all I needed to realize at some point I had managed to get my head back where it shouldn’t be. None of this was about me but I was too busy with my own guilt to see it. Damn it. 

I put my shoes back on and followed her up to the kitchen, the food smelled amazing. 

“Thank you for dinner, and the stuff. I hadn’t expected to see any of that stuff ever again...i’m not even sure why someone kept it.”

“I’m not sure who decided to in the first place but Coulson tracked it all down. He liked you, not just Captain America.” Elena smiled, Fin pushed food around on her plate. I was going to have to find a way to make it up to her, but I couldn't think of anything that wouldn’t just make it worse. 

“Well...thank you for getting it back to me. I appreciate it.”

We ate, the conversation wasn’t much, just polite work talk. Once we finished i helped Elena clear the table and Fin excused herself, disappearing into another room. 

“She’ll be alright.” Elena reassured, walking me out. 

“I know she will...i just wish i hadn’t been the one to set her off.”

“Don’t worry about Fin.” She smiled. “I’m pretty sure that’s my job.”


End file.
